BB, unfortunately, he has told his wife tonight that he plans on exposing the affair, so time is of the essence. Additionally, his wife has already admitted to him she is having an affair with this man, so while additional proof would be great, it is not essential for his purposes.


What a rude thing to say.

Please listen to ML. She knows what she is talking about. ITA that time is of the essence now that your WW knows you are about to expose...do it tonight if you can...

Well, if I am to be making calls, I am not sure I can do it tonight... had a work comittment this evening that I had to deal with. So, unsure of what to do...

mfoss, I say this in the most sincere way: STOP YOUR D**** PUSSYFOOTING!!! You are being given the best possible advice. MelodyLane is a real veteran and gives some of the best side of the Harleys, in my opinion.

While you dither, you are frittering away your marriage. GET CRACKING and GET GOING.

Seriously, I mean it.

Thanks for the vote of confidence, Fred!

mfoss, why not get a good nights sleep and think over your exposure list and come back and discuss your plans tomorrow? I am very concerned that you have revealed your battle plan to your wife, which can't be good. Hopefully, we can help you work around that. But please don't show your hand any more to her. She will use to undermine you and impede your ability to save your marriage.

One final word, mfoss: This is a gunfight. You'd better bring more than a knife.

Fred, wow. You're doing some great 2 x 4ing here, I didn't think you capable of it.

You BHs do get better over time though.

LOL. Truth be told, if I'd come here earlier I might have avoided making some potentially fatal (to the M, that is) mistakes.

Speaking of which, I'm posing a new question in my own thread. Wondering about value/mistake ratio...
Getting better = surviving. That's why I'm here. Regardless of how the M turns out.

Well, not really a restful night, but I did not torture myself by trying to sleep after waking up with cold sweats. I did a lot of reading, and feel I am getting an even better understanding of the things you are all saying.

I also did some preparing. I am thinking in order to expose, I need to setup ASAP. Obviously, I can not make calls while WW is around. I will find a way. I hope that like most things, once I start it will get easier.

Continued support and advice much appreciated. Long day coming up.

mfoss, the ball is in your court. We have given you a game plan and there is nothing much more we can advise until you take action. I would find the exposure list I made up and start there, most especially with the OM's GF or wife. That will be the most critical exposure.

But, the ball is in your court now. More talking will not solve the problem.

Good luck!

You can order books through this website. I think I got mine the next day - two days at the latest.

How old are the kids? They need to be told that Mommy is in a situation where she is making a bad choice that will affect the family. There are age-appropriate ways to approach them. My kids are in their mid-late teens. FWH told them that he had made a bad choice and had chosen to enter into an inappropriate relationship with a former co-worker (the A was over and the co-worker had quit by the time he told the kids.) They told him that they knew something was very wrong during the A, and thanked him for telling them the truth of our lives during that period of time.

Your kids know that something is wrong. They'll fill in the blanks with possibly damaging thoughts ("we must be bad kids if Mommy is willing to leave us") They can handle the truth. The damaging thing is the A. When they hear you explain it to them, they will be witnessing a parent who is in control of their home.

That's funny. Not. The OW in my sitch told her H the same thing. She neglected to mention to him that the affair had progressed to a physical affair (PA) at that point.

Stop talking to her about exposure. You're giving them too much time to get their stories straight.

When you tell the kids, tell them the TRUTH. That their mom is in an adulterous affair with another man and wants to break up their family for her affair. Tell them why adultery is immoral and who the OM is. Kids just need the straight truth along with clear, concise, MORAL GUIDANCE. If you don't give them moral guidance by telling them it is WRONG and why it is WRONG, they will think you advocate adultery.

Thanks again all.

Just gearing up for action. OMGF may be hard to track down, but I have him at work obviously. I am no longer talking about this issue with WW, once you all counselled me to stop I did as gracefully as I could.

Lots of moving pieces, but the objective is clear. It is a lot to absorb and figure out, and obviously there are many details and considerations to coordinate, but suffice it to say I am going nuclear ASAP.

I am making my calls in order of impact, starting with those closest to my wife and OM. I am keeping the kids lower on the list for now, but my intent is to hit the whole thing at once, unless I run into snags.

I am considering the reaction I am going to generate from WW, and need to make sure I protect myself and the kids from any danger.

OW's H called my FWH and begged him to stop seeing her. Didn't work. My H was guilt-filled, contrite with the OWH, but was addicted. Now's not the time to talk to POSOM.

Counselling will do very little good during an active A. Your main priority right now is to expose the A.

mfoss, how do you know the OM is not married? I would call his house using *67 to disguise your # and see who answers. The level of terror coming off your wife makes me suspect there is either a WIFE or a live in GF here. You should be able to find out easy enough.

I am starting XP this afternoon, having cleared time in the schedule and work life. We did talk today, and she was insistent about getting her own place, and wanting to know about financial support for that. I am the income earner, she has raised the kids for years, what guidance do you all have on this... continued thanks from an exhausted guy.