I am sure many people relate to the stress of wanting to take another hour and process a little more information. And some will even disagree with the approach. It looks like I am making a major decision quite quickly. I wonder is people who disagree with this approach would not be likely to give advice here.

Nowhere in Plan A are you directed to finance your WWs A. Continue being a pleasant, loving spouse whose only goal is to save your M. Giving your WW money to move out is not saving your M. Let her know this: you love her, your family and your marriage, and you will do whatever it takes to save that. You can't tie her down to the couch, so if she does want to leave you can't stop her. But you're not going to HELP her, either.

Take all of the money out of the account except enough to keep it open. Do this right away, before she gets to it. Open a new account that is in your name only. If she wants money, she'll have to come to you for it and explain why she needs it. And she'll need to provide receipts to prove where she spent every penny. There will be few legitimate reasons to give her money if she moves out. Rent money is unacceptable. Gas money, maybe. Ten bucks a week for gas ought to cover any fuel used to come to you to talk about the M and how to save it. Food money, probably not. Let her know that your marital home is stocked with all the food she needs. To be eaten at HOME. While the two of you are discussing a plan to save your M.

Reality can really set in fast when the WS has to start dealing with the cold financial aspects of the A.

Don't let her tell you that she deserves and portion of family money because she was a SAHM, caring for the kids, and therefore has no funds of 'her own'. You never changed the terms of your M, she did. She should have thought about that before she decided it would be fun to have an A. Obviously she expects you to roll over and go along with her plans to fool around with another man. Don't accept that. Also, be aware that the OM will be happy that 'his woman' has money. He doesn't care where it comes from. However, he won'tbe happy with the way the A is going if his affair partner suddenly because financially needy, asking him for rent money, being broke and unable to afford to get her groceries, etc. The romantic aspects of the A will suddenly become less rosy. That's your goal, here. Disrupt the A.

Now, she may decide to seek legal cousel to help her get money from you. Fine, let her. That's just more reality for her to have to deal with. The A will become less rosy by the minute.

If you have relatives who are troubled because you won't help your W be wayward, well, I wouldn't worry about them too much. You are on a mission to save your M.

Hi all -

It's in motion. I only got through half of what I wanted to, as WS hung out at home instead of going to sleep at a friends as planned. Still, lots of good feedback from my first calls, and more planned tmrw.

It was a bit of a curveball to have to deal with a change of plans, and I tried to not let it affect me too much. Some good convo with WS, and some broken. I am exhausted.

Thanks for that. I am expecting these words.

Is it a good idea to say I believe she is in a fog based on the A? I imagine this will only make her angrier, but does it help on some level for me to be saying this? Or should I just plan A it, without apologies for my actions?

Is it ok for me to say, "I am sorry you feel so upset"? Any advice, links to articles, etc on dealing with this upcoming storm would be appreciated!

I'm sure some vets will be on here shortly with encouragement for you.

mfoss, just get prepared for her fury. And refuse to let it bother you. Like Maritalbliss said, it is the same as a falling down drunk who is enraged because you took the car keys. Would you try and reason with a falling down drunk? Well, a wayward is exactly the same mentality. She is high on the fumes of her affair.

So, don't let it bother you. She will threaten and rant and rave and try to bully you into stopping your exposures. THIS IS WHY IT IS IMPORTANT TO GET IT ALL DONE TODAY IN ONE FELL SWOOP. She is going to be furious anyway, might as well get your money's worth!

So when she rants and raves, just say "I am sorry you are so upset, I was just spreading the good news. Would you like a potato chip?"

mfoss, are you done with your exposures? Have you sent the letter to the workplace? Tracked down the OM's GF? Told your children? [ALONE!] Told her parents, your parents? This needs to get finished up quickly so you can move your focus to the CARROT of Plan A.

Hi ML:

thanks for the advice and response. I have to admit, I am worried about the reaction and how I respond. I want to respond well, and I thank you for your guidance. I will be dealing with an irrational actor it sounds like, so just need to be calm.

I am well into them. They are going really really well. Nothing but support, I am blessed to have such a supportive family. It is going to take time to get them all done, as not everyone is available etc... have lots of messages out there, and getting calls.

Workplace is done.

OM GF I have not been able to get contact info. Working on it. Lot of parents, sibling and friends. Kids are at school.

All guidance and advice welcomed, with gratefulness.

OM GF I have not been able to get contact info.