Yes, mfoss. If you know where OM works you've got to confront him personally. Email just won't have the same impact. My FWH ignored OWH's emails.

I wouldn't buy the friend's word. You may have been exposing to the friend, and the friend could have been on the other end of the phone, rolling her eyes and shining you on. Women don't typically operate that way, mfoss. They don't leave their children and stay overnight at a friend's house unless they're in the process of physically moving out.

Huzzah! What she said, mfoss. You know what? My FHW deleted OWH's emails and went on his merry adulterous way! Even a personal call didn't work, the addiction was so great! My H had to be exposed to me and at work for the fog to lift!

GO SEE HIM. TELL HIM TO LEAVE YOUR WIFE THE HELL ALONE OR FACE THE CONSEQUENCES.

How do you know he is wavering?
You know where he works. It's a public place. You can call there and find out when he will be working. Go there then.

He does not work again until Sunday.

I suspect he may be wavering based on some information I have from an independant source. He is not liking exposure very much, and he has yet to really get a sense of what is in the bag. Hence, by outlining that, I feel I can make some progress. I also know he is in an active relationship, and that this is a big concern. Email is not ideal I know. Balancing the medium with timing.

The friend is totally trustworthy. She has been through what I have been through herself recently (she was BS), and so it is all on the table. WW does not like speaking to her that much, but it is a convenient space away. No doubt that she wants to move out and get her own place, she states this repeatedly.

I am trying to get his number every way I know how.

Can you find out to who? Does he have a facebook account?

She has just informed me that she is telling OM that she will not have any contact with him until Jan 1. She has given me his phone number, and has agreed to let me speak to him.

She maintains that this will change nothing in her attitude.

She does not know about the kids knowing still.

Thoughts?

Expect that she has now warned OM that you will call. Your call now will probably amount to teaching a pig to sing. You will wind up frustrated and the pig will just be annoyed.

She's trying to pacify you.
Temporary cease fire over Christmas so she still gets all her cozy fuzzy EN's met.

This is NOTHING.

Are you able to verify that this is REALLY the OM?
You truly would not believe the lengths WW will go to to protect their affairs. She could have someone posing as OM. I would trust NOTHING that has her as the source...

You said you know the owners of his store. Have you contacted them? Why couldn't they give you his phone number?

Its a RUSE.

mfoss, my biggest concern is her sleeping elsewhere. Is there some reason you are cooperating with this? Because the only reason she would sleep elsewhere is so she can conduct her affair. If she didn't see her OM the other night, I am sure she is setting the stage to do so.

There is something big MISSING in this story and I can't put my finger on it. There are alot of missing pieces.

WHY is she spending the night away? What is the deal with that?

MLANE: Well, she is not really stable to be honest. It's a dynamic situation. She has already expressed a desire to sleep here, but she does not want to sleep with me. I have offered her the master bed, we will see what she says.

In terms of cooperating, I would love to know what you think I should do to stop her.

Many developments. Thinking things through and trying to prepare for what is next.

I have contacted the owners of the store, and they were considering giving me his number.

I am certainly suspicious of all this. Trying to process. There may be more than one OM. Who knows, just need to keep on it. Likely still going to be getting worse than better soon.

Goal is recovered. Baby steps along the way.

I agree with MelodyLane (I don't think I've ever disagreed with her, to tell the truth). Something smells fishy here, and it ain't salmon.

With you, right? I wouldn't vacate your bed for her.

But I also would not tolerate this sleeping around bullcrap. I would let her know that will not work. If she is going to enjoy the benefits of marriage, then she needs to sleep there, too. Your kids should not be a witness to their own mother catting around like an alley cat in heat. If she does it again, change the locks on her and get a separation order on her. There is no other reason for her to sleep away than to pursue OM and that is unacceptable and ABUSIVE.

[quote=mfoss2212]

Many developments. Thinking things through and trying to prepare for what is next.



Did you look in the phone book? Did you look him up in ppl.com or intelius.com?

Yes I tried the phone book and online. No dice.

Your WW gave you the OM's number and you tried online phone search but nothing came up? Like others wrote - it is a ruse.


Gg

No sorry, I have his number now. I am going to call him. Working on the points to cover. Going back through your posts to find advice on this.

Good morning wonderful people. best sleep I have had in a while, so nice to feel somewhat normal at times. I have certainly been running on fumes most of the last few days. I have many things I would like your counsel on, so here goes:

- Policy of no contact
So she has setup this situation where she can now say she has compromised to my request for ending the affair / establishing no contact. Obviously it is a farce, as it is temporary (Jan 1).

I am going to make it clear to OM that I expect no contact for life, should I make this a big deal with her as well? I am kind of expecting that they will not be able to keep no contact up for long (or at least she won't), and that I will easily catch them. I will be clear in establishing that no contact is NO contact.

Also, I suspect there may be other EA's in hiding, or that she may pursue EA's in the interim with other's to meet her needs. Obviously this is unacceptable to me, but what can I do?

- Positioning around the temporary affair restraining order through the support network, esp her key supporters
I know the reason she has taken this action as a direct result of exposure pressure, and to minimize the public perception of the relevance of the affair. I will be no doubt speaking to people involved in regards to this development, what should I say?

More later - thanks so much in advance. Another busy day.