Ok Ok, I guess I'm just bitter - but you are presumputious.
Why not just stop after "just bitter." The phrase after but indicates you don't really own it, you want to shift blame/focus on to whatever fault you perceive in me.
If you are doing this to your husband, I understand why he may prefer doing nothing to engaging.
I have never told my husband he was "No fun" or didn't measure up.
Really, then what message does your affair send? Did it send the message that your find your H the most attractive, most enjoyable person to be around to the exclusion of all others.
Probably not. So by your actions, and I can see it in the words you use here, you have a view of your husband that is similar if not exactly how I just described it above.
I have always done the things he wanted to do - NASCAR races, sprint car races - even volunteered on a race team because that is what he likes.
So what's the problem with SF then? On one hand you tell me you ALWAYS do what your husband wants to do, yet in this thread you are asking us about not wanting SF.
Which is it?
I think you are fooling yourself if you think you ALWAYS do what your husband wants to do.
Besides, it's not enough just to do it, you have to do it with enthusiasm.
You want your husband to be enthusiastic about playing with the kids, or showing affection, non-sexually, and probably a host of other things, right?
So you want to complain about him here, and if we "fix" him, then you'll be more enthusiastic?
It comes across that way to me. I could be totally wrong, but that's the message I'm hearing.
When he does do things with us I tell him how much we appreciate him doing it.
Is that what he wants, or is that what you want? Nothing wrong with you wanting it. But if you are doing it for him because you want appreciation, that may not be a winning strategy.
My kids are to the point they don't even ask him to do things because they no the answer is no. Sorry but I find that sad. So I am done talking for now as I know I need help with my resentment issues and only counseling can do that for me.
So why is it that he doesn't want to do things with the kids? Instead of judging him, as it appears you are here, why not dig deeper. Find out what it is that makes it so unappealing. Better yet, find out what would make it more appealing to spend more time with the kids.
But don't just judge him negatively for it. Frankly, he's an adult and if he wants a close relationship with his kids, he's responsible for creating that relationship.
It's not your job to judge him because he doesn't run that relationship the way you would run it.
It's your job to be his partner is creating whatever kind of relationship with his children that he wants.
He may regret it later if he doesn't get close to them. Or he may not. He may not have been close to his parents, so doesn't see that as a critical need.
But you come across here very judgmental. It sounds as if he would be closer to his kids like you would like him to be, that his life would be better.
You may be right.
He may be right.
Your job is not to change him, but to be his partner. He's not clay, he's not a project, he's the man you married. If he wants to make changes, then you can be supportive. If he wants to be the same he was when you married, can you be equally supportive?