It's obviously a farce. I wouldn't give it credence by discussing it, well maybe I might utter a dismissive "whatever - do you want a potato chip?".

Some new info, looks like another older EA/PA. Hard usable evidence (without exposing my single source) is lacking at the moment. Might be able to get some. Walks like a duck, I know, but not sure if I should incorporate this into my exposures.

Her response to exposures about the affair is that they are just friends, and I am in denial that it is is over. Vampire speak, but still, mutual parties are confused. I guess the truth comes out in the long run.

Some development!

Not sure what to do.

Don't give up your source of info! Prepare other means of information gathering.

Right. This makes sense, but it makes things harder. So be it.

Prepping for a big day of exposure surprises (for her) and vampire like responding. It is getting much clearer, and the advice received here has been invaluable.

I think there is a misunderstanding here.

Point being, advice from outside of the MB community is often not helpful towards restoring the relationship, especially when advice givers have been speaking to a vampire alien!

That's true mfoss. IRL most people don't have a clue how this all works. It sure is an eye opener when you can see it all written down (in Dr Harley's books). ALOT of MCs don't have a clue either. So as far as outside advice, filter it. Stick with the MB plan.

Just re-read the entire thread, and I realize how the first advice you all gave was so right. I have not executed perfectly, but I am all in from an effort standpoint, and using your principles to guide me.

I realize that talking to a vampire is not productive, unless you are showing her more light.

The longer you are here the more you'll understand that all A's are the same. The WSs act the same and say the same things. The important point is that the same things are necessary for R in most all A's too. The A has to end, NC for life, extraordinary precautions need to be put into place and 15 hrs per week together to meet eachother's needs. Of course LBs HAVE to be eliminated. That is HUGE. Love cannot return if LBs are draining the love. But people CAN fall back in love with eachother like in the beginning!! The WS just needs to get a glimpse of that possibility.

I've gotten ahead of the game for you mfoss, but I do want you to know that the "plan" does work. It makes sense.It's logical actually. Keep doing what you're doing.

Thanks MicheleG. I hope to make it to the next stage of the process. Not because I feel it will be easier or less work, but because I want to save my M.

So, a very good day on the whole. Tomorrow is going to be even better, as I will be able to physically confront the OM and cross that off my list. Lots more details, but must get back to the tasks at hand.

Thanks for your advice to date, I am so glad I found you all. I look forward to giving back to the community when I can.

Mfoss, enjoy your day tomorrow, but not too much. Stay out of jail my friend. POSOM is not worth it.

I saved my talk with OM until the very end because I knew I would enjoy that one. Mine was over the phone and didn't work out like I planned, but it definitely made me (my taker?) feel a lot better this last week. I also looked forward to it and honestly, I did enjoy it.

Yeah mfoss, remember to keep your hands to yourself.

mfoss, my advice to you, such as it is that I have to give, is to remember that YOU ARE THE BETTER MAN. So behave like it. One of the things that attracted my wife to me was that I was able to keep my cool in the midst of a very tough and tense situation.

We met shortly after she'd broken it off with a man with whom she'd had a one year relationship. I had been invited to her place for a cup of coffee, when XBF showed up at her place and started ranting and raving, and at one point even made some "in your face" comments to and about me. Rather than get baited, I stayed calm and measured, and in the end he wound up looking like a fool and I the sane, rational one.

This is how you get the upper hand. Being a man doesn't have to mean fists and swear words. It means knowing how to exhibit grace under fire. When you confront OM, remain calm and speak in an even -- but serious -- voice. Let the OM know that you are ALL BUSINESS. That you are 100% committed to your marriage and his little immature and selfish behavior are just a trifle that will be thrown out with the day's trash.

Go get 'em, mfoss. Taking the high road does not mean having to be a door mat.

I will not soon forget the look on his face when he saw me. It is done. Went well (as well as these things can go).

More later, rest now.

Details?

Can't wait to hear about it....

I went to his workplace, which is a retail store. It was quite busy, and when I arrived he was the only one there, the other two staff were off on a break. When he saw me, he had a look of terror and surprise. As he was busy, I just stood off to the side, and waited. He was kind of flustered to be sure.

Eventually the other staff, came back, and we went for a walk around the corner. I asked how his girlfriend was, and he said "fine", and I said, that is not what I have heard.

I was dead calm, and to the point, with a menacing tone. I was very clear about who all knew, his face fell upon realizing the extent of the exposure.

I demanded no contact, and warned him that *any* contact from this point forward would attract more undesired attention and exposure from me. I mentioned the fact that I might call him as a witness in a divorce proceeding etc...

He didn't say too much. He did say sorry several times. He seemed genuinely sorry and shocked, and scared.

At the end, I got re-stated and emphasized no contact, and he seemed almost enthusiastic about it.

Who knows what will happen! I feel that he may actually go no contact, but I am obviously preparing for the alternate response.

Oddly, I am no in the situation where I have exposed OM and the kids, and WW has no idea about either, yet.

I need to regroup my thoughts, and consider the next steps. Advice welcomed as always.

Mfoss,
Excellent - that is the way to approach OM. Your WW is going to blow a gasket but she chose the behavior therefore she chose the consequence. Have you checked out the reverse fogbabble link?

Reverse Fog Babble

Oddly enough gg, I was just reading the reverse babble thread. Serendipity.

I have been getting a LOT of babble already, so I am becoming well acquainted with it. As a result of the support here, I have become fairly good at "handling" babble. Still, I am preparing for the inevitable nuclear onslaught when exposure is discovered.

Particularly painful is when she tells our friends babble. I have to find a better way to deal with this. Should I just not concern myself with it?

Prepare for the worst sort of venom from your WW.

The OM seemed...calm. That's weird, but oh well.