Good luck TTF. WW can't do it alone. You can't fix marriage alone. God can fix anything.

Godspeed buddy - we're with you all the way

TTF, I haven't read your whole thread but will catch up soon. I can tell you're in a bad spot and all of my prayers will be with you tonight.

Optimism

WW is spewing the usual junk to justify her affair.

Ignore it!

I had another long night last night. My wife says it�s all over, she loves this man, he makes her feel good about herself, things I never did.
I ask her if she was going to file for a divorce and she said yes, after Christmas.
I have exposed her to everyone of any importance and have sent OM an e-mail (he did not reply). She says that she doesn�t care and she is thru with me. She said most of the script stuff. I heard: I was thru with us before any of this ever happened. I went looking for someone to fill the void where you were supposed to be, I heard it all.
By the way; I don�t know if I ever mentioned that she was doing all this while I was building her a house. While I was working on our house at night she was having phone sex with him, disgusting.
I�m not sure where to go from here; it�s obvious to me that the wife I loved is dead. I do not know this woman who has replaced her. I gave her the opportunity last night to turn it over to God. She�s not having any part of it.
One part of me wants to save my family. The other part knows that know matter what happens, the damage is done. I�ll never see my wife the same way.
She says she has no intention of stopping her adultery; I have no right to stand in the way of her happiness.
I thought about contacting OM friends via facebook, to let them know what these two have done. I would like for them to know that a certain little girl had her world ripped apart for Christmas. I would like for them to know that he is at least half responsible.
I can�t stop the affair, so I can�t institute any kind of plan. Does anyone have any advice?

At this point you should be telling EVERYONE what they are doing.

Is she moving out? If so, tell her she will NOT take your daughter with her.

Is she financially independent?

ABSOLUTELY do not move out of YOUR home.

Keep the voice recorder handy at all times so she can't accuse you of abuse and have the police throw you out.

The OM needs to see her as too costly to continue, so the financial route is the best way to go.

Your children need to know that she is planning to nuke the family for another man after Christmas, record her saying this so she can't LIE to them.

She IS going to LIE, they ALL lie, she will continue to LIE until the affair is broken up.

I have told everyone that I thought would have an impact on her. Her entire family knows. Her sister called me about an hour ago. She told me that WW sent her a text asking if her husband would mind checking on me to see if I was o.k. Her reply was �why should you care� I love my sister-in-law.
She did at first try to take our daughter; the night I confronted her she started packing. I told her she was welcome to leave�.alone. This did not sit well and it almost got physical, I have never in the 13 years I�ve known my wife laid a hand on her in anger. I was prepared to do so that night, the pain, the confusion, the betrayal was almost more than I could stand. In the end I won, without violence. I told her that this was our daughter�s home; WW was the one who betrayed her family. She will not take our daughter out of her home until she has a legal court document entitling her to do so.

TTF, nothing has changed here except that the affair is closer to ending today than it was 2 days ago. Now it will start to crumble. It has been propped up on the fumes of fantasy but you have ruined that by shining a light on it.

I would expose this affair everywhere. Expose to OM's facebook friends, especially his PARENTS. His parents may object to his affair with a married woman.

You should be ENCOURAGED by these recent developments, not discouraged. All the crap your wife is saying is the classic fogbabble of a falling down drunk. It is meaningless. your job is to make as much trouble in the affair as possible in order to hasten its death. That means exposure and having a face to face with the OM. OM are weener cowards and often dump the WS at the first sign of trouble. Go see him and ask him what his intentions are with your wife. Let him know that if this comes to a legal action, that he will hauled into court to give testimony under oath about his adultery.

So, stop being discouraged, you are closer to a resolution than you were 2 days ago.

Here is your PLAN right here:

The Carrot and the Stick of Plan A


The carrot of Plan A

Meeting your wandering spouse's emotional needs.

Making "home" a warm and inviting place to be.

Placing emphasis on what has worked in the marriage.

Showing consistent self improvement in areas where previously lacking.

Stop lovebusting behaviors.

Communicating with a calm reassuring voice and relaxed body language, even in the center of a verbal storm created by the infidel.

Becoming the person any reasonable spouse would want to come home to.

Remaining open to the possibility of recovery.

Offering forgiveness and understanding.


The stick of Plan A

Exposing adultery where it matters most. Exposure that takes the form of a swift and sudden unexpected tsunami of truth.

Not apologizing for exposure or speaking the truth in a kind yet direct way.

Directly communicating the hurt and devastation that the affair has caused.

Not accepting blame for the infidel's choice to become adulterous.

Let the consequences of adultery and infidelity fall freely upon the heads of the adulterous.

Establishing boundaries that disallow the affair to effect children of the marriage, financal security of the marriage, and otherwise ruin innocent bystanders.

Standing up to infidelity as a beast that must be slayed for the good of the family.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Plan A is both a *carrot* and a *stick*.

Has your daughter been told the truth about her mother's adultery?

TTf, can you give me a quick run down and save me from having to read the entire thread?

1. is the OM married and if so, does his wife know? What does he do for a living?

2. do they work together? if so, has the affair been exposed at work?

3. any other affairs in your marriage?

4. are you legally married?

MelodyLane is absolutely right - you're better off now than you were 2 days ago. The fantasy is exposed, and it's starting to crumble.

You're right in saying that YOU can't stop the affair - only she can. But, you have started the demise by exposing and going into Plan A.

Hard to believe this is progress, I know. It sounds like you did a great job of exposure, and it sounds like everyone is on your side. Give your SIL a hug when you see her.

One way or another, ttf, you can start rebuilding your life now. I hope things work out well for you. It will be a long haul, and you're friends here will be with you all the way.

MelodyLane, yes my daughter does know, unfortunately she heard it all go down. I feel bad about that but she is 12 and deserves to know it for the horrible, destructive, selfish thing that it was. It was not my intention for her to hear, it just happened. But it was probably a good thing, this caused WW to sit down with her and admit what she did.
As for the rundown:
1 OM lives in England, they met thru facebook, and he is divorced (imagine that). I know of a least 1 instance where she has picked him up at the airport.
2 I have not exposed to his facebook family yet, although I did send him an e-mail inviting him to step outside. He did not respond.
3 No other affairs.
4 We have been married for 11 years and have a 12 year old daughter.

TTF, how do you know the OM is divorced?

And has your DD been told the TRUTH or has she been SPUN by your W? Have you sat her down and given her moral guidance about adultery?

Will you please start writing a letter that you can send out to all of OM's FB friends and let us give you feedback? It should contain facts, ie: joe is having an adulterous affair with my wife. We are married for 11 years and have a 12 yr old DD. I am asking you to use your influence to persuade JoeScum to leave my wife alone so we can save our marriage. i would also ask that Joe's parents contact me directly at email@address.com.

Where does this bum work? What does he do?

What did the pastor say to you both?

Has she thrown the "god wants ME to be happy" bit yet in your face?

Does she have a divorced or slutty toxic friend cheerleading her on?

also, I really need for you to calm down and stay focused on your PLAN. You can't allow yourself to get sidetracked by some minor meaningless skirmishes. I know this is painful for you, but your wife's fogbabble is nothing more than a minor distraction. It means nothing. She is a falling down drunk who has no more idea of what she wants than a wet brain drunk. That will all change when the affair dies.

So, don't make the mistake of focusing on her fogbabble, it is MEANINGLESS. What matters is your PLAN.

Can you stay focused and put aside her fogbabble? Because if you get this upset over a little fogbabble, you are going to collapse under some REAL FIRE. This is not real enemy fire. This is SMOKE.

FACEBOOK LETTER 1st DRAFT

I do not know what your relationship to xxxxxxx is, but it is important that you know that for about the last 6 months xxxxxx has been engaging in an adulterous relationship with my wife. My wife and I have a 12 year old daughter her name is xxxxx. Together they have destroyed her life. A little girl is devastated at Christmas because of the actions these two. A family is torn apart. If you see xxxxxx tell him congratulations, he is a wonderful human being. My name here.
Coments Please.

Dear Facebook friend of Joe Scumbag,

I am the husband of SallyWW in Timbuktu, Ohio. Your friend, Joe is having an adulterous affair with my wife of 11 years. We have a 12 year old daughter. I am writing you to ask you to use your influence to persuade Joe to leave my family alone.

This affair has been conducted mostly over the internet since ____DATE___ but he did come to America on july 1, XXXX and see my wife in person. My wife and I have a very heartbroken 12 year old daughter, Susie, whose life has been turned upside down the week before Christmas because of her mother's affair with Joe.

I am asking that you use your influence to persuade Joe to leave my wife alone. There is no future with his affair with my wife because he will be eternally hated by our daughter and by my wife's family. Please urge your friend to do the decent thing for a change and end his affair with my wife.

In case this man denies his affair, I am more than willing to provide evidence to anyone who asks. Additionally, I would ask that someone please call Joe's PARENTS and ask them to email me at email@address.com. I would like to speak to them personally. Joe has represented himself as "divorced" in order to seduce my wife. If this is not true, I would appreciate the true facts.

thank you for your help. Sally's loving husband, TTF

Wow Mel, that was awesome. Do you have something similar to post on WW's FB page to her friends? Or is that not something you recommend?

Thanks SOL, just use that and change it up to suit your purposes. If your wife is having an affair, I would send it to her FB friends.

TTF, have your exposure targets spoken to your wife? They could help tremendously if they all called her TODAY and asked her to knock it off! This will put great pressure on her to kill her affair if she is able to see how sleazy and stupid she looks through the eyes of others. You very much need these ppl to put pressure on her!