Thank guys & gals, please continue to post on this thread, I need all the help and advice I can get. I have to leave work now to pick up my daughter at school, I will be back in the morning. Thanks again.


MelodyLane, only my sistr-in-law has made it clear to her how she feels at this point. Her father has talked to her a little but not much. This is going to change.

GOOD! You need their help NOW to use their influence with her.

Good morning, I�ve been back and fourth in my mind as to what I wanted to do about all this. At times I feel so hurt and betrayed that I hate my wife and wish she would just go away. At other times I am sad and sentimental and wish I could change her heart.
After a lot of praying and soul searching I realize what is in front of me. I believe with all my heart that God wants me to fight for my family; I believe that this is a mountain that must be climbed.
I may not win, but I will do everything in my power to remove this invader from my home. And I pray that when this is over that God will give me the wisdom and compassion to look past my pain and forgive my wife.

My question for this morning is; what now?
I�m setting up a facebook page and yahoo email account to get my letter out to OM�s friends. There are also a few more people on my side of the family that need to be told. I am also going to have another pow-wow with her father today. But then what? I hate to sound ignorant but that is exactly what I am, I don�t have a clue.
Everything so far has just rolled off her back, or at least from all outward appearances. She is so wrapped up in this that the most beloved and respected man in her life, her father, can�t even put a dent in her heart. She believes that I have somehow managed to turn her family against her. In her words; �You can have my family if you want them�.
I know no matter how she tries to seem on the outside that she has to be hurting on the inside. As evil as it sounds, I need to be able to use this pain and rejection to my advantage somehow. I don�t believe she will start to come around until she hits rock bottom. I need to feed her misery while it�s there, because her family will eventually forgive her. And they are the best weapon I have right now.
What are your thoughts?

Yeah, right. It's working. IMO, what she really needs is more contact with her family with them telling her how disappointed they are. It's the disappointment that gets to them. We never want to think that our important people judge us and find us lacking. I would ask them to not stop commenting to her - not nonstop so that she avoids them altogether, just occasionally to catch her off guard. Christmas is an especially good time to do this.

And it's not evil. It's war. A war HER family wants you to win.

Thanks Catperson, I'm fixin to (that's Southern for "about to")give her father a copy of some of the facebook love letters that I printed. His heart is going to break. But I feel it needs to be as real to him as it is to me.

Also, does anyone have any tips or advice about posting messages to his facebook friends? Can I just pick someone to send a message to or do they have to be my friend first? My first messages are going out to the people who share his last name, then all the young attractive women on his page, maybe I�ll get lucky and find another woman caught up in this. Then everyone else, there are 62 in all.

TTF, your plan should be to finish up exposures and then get onto the next items on the list I gave you. Make your exposure as impactful as possible. Enlist as much help as possible. And get it done today so it has a tsunami effect. If any relative tells you they will "keep it a secret" implore them NOT to do that! Affairs thrive on secrecy so you need them to call her if they will.

I would send the facebook message to ALL his friends.

This exposure will cause great conflict in her affair and it will start crumbling fast. As it crumbles, you will be there to catch her with open arms. But, it will be your job to keep CONSTANT PRESSURE ON THE AFFAIR. Anytime she contacts the OM, confront her about it. Don't allow her to conduct her affair from your home. Tell her she has to take her affair conversations ELSEWHERE, that is disrespectful and cruel to conduct her affair from the safe home of you and your child.

Get it? Make a boat load of trouble..

You got it!!

Go to the OM's facebook page and click on "see all" under his friends section. A list of his friends will come up. You will have to click on each person individually and click on the link "send Joe a message" right under their profile picture. It will be labor intensive, but worth it.

you don't have to be their friend to do this.

Thanks, I am plowing a path of destuction as we speak. It just accured also to me to call the wife of her former Pastor and have her call WW. Just to offer incouragment of couse. I am not going to get any supper tonight for sure. I am an evil man.

You got it!! TTf, don't let up. Get this done in one fell swoop so you can move onto the next phase of the plan. She is going to be MAD about exposure, so you need to get your money's worth and quickly move onto Phase 11. Cause as much hell in the affair as you possibly can. And keep up the pressure.

Is the next phase after exposure plan A?

I only got 17 messages sent on facebook before it gave me a warning to stop. Does anyone know what this is or a way around it?

give it 10 minutes or so...it thinks you are a spam bot

Thanks, it's working again.

OK, my wife just called and is livid. Quote: �You�re being childish and you have been reported to the police. Our marriage is over, it�s been over, and nothing you can do or say can change that. You might as well get used to it. I have lost all respect for you; any remorse I felt just went out the window. You make me laugh.�

I told her if it were so great why she would care, I just took something that was hiding in the dark and brought it into the light. I told her I was fighting with the only weapon I have, the truth. She was the one who betrayed her family.

Wait, she just called and told me that if I drove him away that she would find someone else. She said that she is filling for divorce tomorrow. This is bad she does not make idle threats, have I made a mistake.

Your exposure is WORKING!!! GOOD JOB!!! The quicker and angrier the response from the WS, the closer to the bullseye your hit was!!! I know it's horrible to listen to what she says, but really and truly, this is a good sign. Every nasty word she utters it a point for you. You are winning this battle. And remember, the battle is against the affair. This has definitely crumbled some of its foundation.

She can't file if she's broke.

If it wasn't getting to her, if she wasn't ashamed, she wouldn't be calling you nonstop, determined to prove to you that she doesn't care.

Hang tight.

We TOLD you she would act this way, and she is. Spend some time reading other threads here, to see that she is doing and saying EXACTLY what all waywards do. Down to the exact words.

Deep breaths.

If she talks to you again, say 'I'm baking some cookies, would you like some?

My WW had almost the exact same reaction. Stay the course. She is spewing this venom because you are threatening her 'crack pipe'. I had the exact same second-guessing thoughts last week.

My WW told me she was "talking to an attorney tomorrow" for 4 days in a row without actually doing it. Eventually she did talk to one and I think it was a good thing because it showed her the reality of what a divorce would really mean for us both.

Your exposure has brought reality into her fantasy relationship. Hang tough. I used the line, "I was just spreading the joyous news of your new love", and "I'm only saying the truth and we need to procede in honesty".