Interesting, thanks Fred. I�ll try to find out when I go this afternoon.

TTF, she is likely bluffing about filing for divorce, but even if she does, that is ok. It is just part of the battle and does not mean the war is over. I would not sit by idly if she plans on seeing the OM on NY eve. That should be broadcast everywhere.

Have you FINISHED your exposures? These need to be done in ONE DAY so you can move forward. Has her family been updated on all this and have they spoken to her?

Don't let up while you have the affair on the ropes. If you let up, you will give them a chance to REGROUP and REARM. Don't let that happen.

BAM!!! I just hit pay-dirt with the facebook letters; OM�s allegedly exclusive girlfriend just contacted me. We only got to talk for a few minutes, she is at work. She is supposed to call me back in about an hour. Any thoughts?

And thanks MelodyLane, yes I have finished the exposures with the exception of a couple that I have not been able to connect with. I will try again this evening.

My advice: Keep it all about you and your marriage. Do -not- engage in any negative comments about OM. Just keep saying you want to save your marriage and will do whatever it takes to do so. If she asks for proof, tell her you have it, but don't immediately offer to share it with her. She may not yet be completely on "your side." Try to get a buy-in from her that you both are working toward the same mutually beneficial ends.

Outstanding!!! I would recommend simple honesty. Tell her what you are trying to do and why. Ask her for her help in ending the affair and working together. I would recommend you two work together and not let WW/OM know.

I kind of blew that when I talked to OMW. She was so angry she let some things that I told her slip out and OM/WW figured it out.

That is really good news though.

Thats what we talked about, trying to end this thing. I don't trust her yet, and I did not give a lot of details. I did tell her however that I knew of the trip her man and my wife took together. And I did give details on that.

Good. Good! Think of this like a fishing expedition (well, maybe that's a guy analogy, but after all, I'm a guy...). You want to dangle the line, tease with the bait, and wait until your fish is solidly on the lure. Only then do you reel it in.

OMW could be your staunchest ally! But don't play your entire hand at once. She has to give and take as well as you. What does SHE want, and how far and to what lengths is SHE willing to go?

Just got contacted by another lady. She wants to share with me but does not trust me to keep her name out of it. I am currently trying to get her to open up. Some of these people may end up being Trojan Horses.

GOOD JOB!! Give her the whole low down about the affair and the upcoming trip. Get as much info as possible from her too, so you can share it with your wife. If he has a GF, then your wife needs to know all about it.

Thats fine! Share the wealth with any and all. You have nothing to hide. Spread the good news!

Thanks all, I will see everybody in the morning.

Good Morning, well I didn�t have papers served on me yesterday, it�s probably a bluff.
During my phone conversations with OM�s girlfriend she told me that they were supposed to be exclusive, imagine that. She said she had been texting back and forth with him. He swore there was no one else; he said he was completely devoted to her. He said that every thing I said in my letter was a lie.
I am currently trying to get her to download the massages and send them to me. This could be huge.
If I can manage to get my hands on these, or even if I can�t, should I approach my wife immediately? I can hear her saying that she doesn�t care, that it doesn�t matter if OM has 50 girlfriends; she still hates my guts for humiliating her with my letter. I just don�t want to blow a golden opportunity.

Do you have proof of her affair to show the GF?

And yes, if you can do it, show your wife what the GF has said. Do it without passing any judgement on the OM, though, because you don't want to make her defensive.[she will be defensive no matter what, but you don't want to push that] Just say, I am so sorry, but thought you should know the OM has been seeing someone else all along. Then say, "you are invited to call his GF yourself" and hand her the GF's #.

Has the OM dumped your wife yet? Do you see any difference in her activity? Are you keylogging her computer activity?

She definitely needs to know that the OM is denying he has a relationship with her. That should be easy enough to prove.

I do have proof, piles of disgusting e-mails and facebook correspondence plus my wife�s own admission.
The girlfriend has agreed to speak with my wife personally; she is supposed to be back into contact with me sometime today. I am in Georgia; she is in Las Vegas and works nights, so there is some difficulty communicating.
I believe I have made a major impact on the affair, OM completely deleted his facebook page; this is/was the major vehicle for the affair.
Also some of his FB friends that contacted me said they knew he was involved with a woman but had no idea she was married and had a child. At least it did put that out into the open. It�s not very romantic any more I am guessing.
In reality it�s going to be extremely difficult for them to maintain this affair across an ocean with the same kind of zeal and enthusiasm. It is what it is now, an affair not a Harlequin Romance novel.
As far as her behavior, she still is very, very upset with me for what I did (the FB letter). Did you hear that? For what I did.
This guy, I�m learning from his friends, is about the exact polar opposite of me. He is an Atheist according to one, extremely agnostic according to another. He is very controlling and manipulative; he is extremely liberal in his politics and has made comments against the United States, �oil hungry- war monger� is how he has described us. My wife at one point not to long ago, was teaching youth in church and going on mission trips to Central America. She has been raised a Christian and her father is ordained. This affair will never survive, the only question is, can I save my wife when it�s over?

No - I think the question is can you save yourself. Your WW will survive and thrive but will you? I consider my M recovered but I'm still here (third year) reading advice/giving advice. I don't think there's a day that goes by that what happened doesn't cross my mind. Of course, my FWH goes on like nothing ever happened. I don't dwell on it and I have moved on but the memories can't be erased.

Gg

Sorry - don't mean to add to your blues. I should add my M is the best it's ever been.

Really I guess all you can do is take it a day at a time. I know that I have a permanent scar on my heart and no matter what the future holds nothing will ever be completely the same. What I am trying to do is lean on my faith, things really do happen for reasons, the reason may not be apparent at first, but it will eventually reveal itself. I tell myself that every single day, but right now I feel like I�m climbing Mt.Everest without oxygen.
It�s good to hear that your marriage is doing well, that gives me hope for mine.

Harley writes it typically takes two years to R a M. That was the case with us. We started with MC and then found this site. I didn't get to Plan B or expose because I didn't know about it at the time. Your WW being angry is typical waywardness. The first six months are the worst.

Gg

No, you cannot save her against her own will. God still gives us all free will. But you can help bring her into the light with your exposures and with your LEADERSHIP. You can be a light that can guide her out of the darkness. Whether she follows will be entirely up to her. By standing up for your marriage like this, you have given her the best opportunity to come out of this.