Great quote!
My H mantra was: do not tell me what to do. I will do what I want and when I want.
Does he think he is Mick Jagger?
Sure does not have his cash!

If he thinks he's Mick Jagger, you should just tell him that "You can't always get what you want!!"

The addiction IS powerful...it over rides everything--and I do mean everything... I don't know why but, it does.

That's exactly why it's considered an addiction. An addiction becomes not only the priority in the addict's life, it becomes the only thing in the addict's life.

Google "Criteria for Dependence" and see what I mean. There are seven, according to the DSM-IV. Any three are sufficient for a diagnosis of addiction.

And I kind of seem to notice that all the BS' on here are very responsible caring and loving...and if they have children exceptional parents....and that may be more of a reason why they left and a lot of them seem to not care about their kids....we BS' are very responsible and WS know that and know that their children will be well taken care of.

All the more reason to ditch their responsibilities...we will take care of it. While they go and have fun.

Funny, my WW said the same thing. During plan A, right after she had almost agreed to come back home she sent me this angry email about how "The likes of me and her sister shouldn't be telling her what and when to do things." (her sister was very much against her A). Right after that the OM moved in with her.

So far after leaving she's entered into a fake marriage with the OM two weeks after meeting him, managed to get fired from her job and of course the OM is an irresponsible, broke, ex-felon, drunk driving, partying, alcoholic, hipster. Amazing how almost all the waywards follow the same pattern.

What is it in their life history that causes this kind of behavior? My WW's parents both died when she was in her early twenties leaving her with a lot of responsibility at a young age. I think she just never got the chance to rebel and grow up in a normal way and is acting it all out now.

Affair down?

Well some waywards do all they can to destroy thier BS so then when they are in the gutter, they can call the OP a step up.

Its to bad that BS's don't deal with problems and take the blame for so long.

Thank God for this place

I agree. Isn't it great though that when this happens and the BS chooses a personal recovery for themselves, it then has the opposite affect.....it becomes obvious what a vile human being the OP is? I believe in time that happens. The WS and OP aren't doing anything to fix themselves and after they've wallowed in their ugly vile A for a while, it will show. Oh it will show!!! It makes me almost giddy to think about it! Sorry, I guess I'm feeling punchy today My WH's AP is a very messed up person. Even WH said so. So he sees it too. What I represent and what OW represents is as different as the ocean is wide. My MIL said this to me after I exposed the A:

"And this woman is not worth what he is giving up and I swear, she will appear to him like a black vision of unhappiness and ruin before long. He will lose respect for her because of what she is doing to her own family and she has two children who wonder where their Mommy is. She must be a complete loser. He will realize that when the glow wears off and life becomes real. She will be the vision of unhappiness to him, and remind him every day of all the people he has hurt."

I TOTALLY agree with this!

PSUBIKER, holy cow about your XW's OM?!?

My H's addiction to his OW was pretty severe. While he was in the thick of it, he was driving me and my sister somewhere. He didn't say a word the whole trip (he is normally a very chatty laid back guy). He was very moody and blew through a stop sign. When both my sister and I said, be careful!, he argued with us that he hadn't run through any stop sign, when it was plain as day. When we got out of the car, my sister said to me ~ something is very wrong with him.

His addiction to OW still surprises me. She obviously fulfilled his need for admiration ~ the things she cried on his shoulder about was her long list of problems(according to her) including:

her lyme's disease
her krohn's disease
her fiance's messed up XW
her abusive alcoholic father
her abusive fiance
her fiance's cheating

I doubt half of this is true but that's besides the point. My H doesn't really like listening to people ramble on about their problems or drama AT ALL. Even when he was defogged he said this was most of what their conversations about. It still surprises me that he became addicted to this personality type...

ITA with this statement, i have neevr been a fan of the "fog" or "addiction" or whatever you want to call it, it is plain old lust and newness IMHO.

I think a lot of it is escapism too.

Not an addiction? Then how do you explain the crazy completely out of character behavior we see time and again?

I have seen it with my own H, my sister's H and recently while some out of state relatives were here, they told us details about our uncle's wife's A.

They explained that my uncle and his now XW had gotten into a fight over her A a couple years ago and she hit him and he called the police on her. They showed us her mugshot online. Our jaws were on the ground. She looked like she had aged 15 yrs and she just looked kinda crazed...it reminded me of Lisa Nowak's mugshot.

I explain it by S E L F I S H N E S S, nothing more, nothing less.

Me personally would not like the thought that my H is an addict. We all know addicts can fall off the wagon at any time.

Could be, i am not sure....... Just getting away from their hum drum life i guess.........

Escapism, addiction, selfishness - all of it.

Still_Crazy I am aware that I could fall off the wagon, that is why I have EPs in place and that is why NC means NC for life!

A very short list of the criteria for dependency (addiction) according to the Physicians' Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, 4th Edition (DSM-IV):

• Tolerance
• Withdrawal
• Consuming larger quantities than intended
• Unable in past attempts to cut back or quit
• Impairment
• Time spent obtaining
• Continued usage despite knowledge of harm (breaking one's own rules)

Any three constitute a diagnosis of addiction.

Lust, yes...but then how do you explain it when they end up M the OP and stay with her for years.

Based on the criteria Fred listed I can honestly say that all of the above figured, therfore I must have been addicted.

I know that EPs and NC must be in place, what i am saying is that the thought of my H being "addicting" to the OW hurts me more than to think it was just selfishness or lust or the time in his life or whatever.

And i do not believe it was an addiction at all, i think it was just the lust and the newness of the "relationship" just as we experienced when we started dating, it continued because of selfishness. IMHO

Selfishness is involved in an A obviously but it doesn't explain some of the behavior.

My H is absolutely crazy in love with our son. when we are all home together, they are usually side by side, has always been this way. During his A he seemed to forget all about our family and didn't seem to care about our son very much. He was everyday constantly looking for excuses to run out for errands, etc., so he could call/text OW. It was so strange.

I have no idea how to understand this behavior other than the theory that he was addicted...

Did you not feel this way when you first met your H or some other boyfriend when you first began dating?

Do you think you were "addicted"?

It is lust and newness and then you add that is "forbidden" and it heightens things even more. IMHO it is simply lust and selfishness.