WW is communicating by cell phone now, I believe almost exclusively. It�s a phone that she paid for with her own money and I have no control over it.
I truly believe that this affair is about over, this is the beginning of the end. I am going to approach her with this tonight in a caring and loving way; I�m going to try to make her see the truth about what she means to me and our daughter. I don�t know if she will �flip the switch� tonight or not, if she can�t see it after this, then I don�t know if she will ever see it.

Well, did the cops ever get there?

If she is having affair conversations in your home, I would ask her to leave. Politely interrupt her and ask her to take her affair conversation out of your home. Tell her it is very disrespectful to carry on her affair in front of you and her child. The idea is to cause as much conflict as possible in her affair. She should be forced to take her conversation down to the gas station, but out of your home. Carrying on her affair from your home is a boundary that should never be crossed.


Caring and loving is ok, but FIRM and straightforward is what she needs to see. I don't mean with demands, but she needs to understand that you cannot live like this and will not enable her affair.

Can you snag it in the middle of the night and install flexispy?

This truth will be meaningless to a self centered wayward who is intoxicated on the fumes of an affair. She doesn't care what she means to you, she cares about getting a FIX. If she cared what she meant to you, she wouldn't be having an affair.

What I would do is first tell her everything you know about her affair, including about the OM's girlfriends. Just lay out the facts.

Tell her everyone knows about the affair and ask her to end it.

Tell her that you love her and are willing to do what it takes to recover the marriage if she commits to a program of recovery. Tell her you are willing to forgive her if does all that. The first step would be to send a letter of no contact to the OM [outlined in SAA] and enter the MB program. She would also need to assure you that no more contact takes place. What suggestions would she have for that? [you would need her cell phone]

The thing is I've already exposed the affair. She knows the entire world knows about it. This is just one more way to put pressure on it.

THIS is the conversation you need to have.

Actually, this is more like begging.

I QUIT!!

What's up??

What happened?

What happened? What did she say?

YOU QUIT???
Why? What happened?

This place can be your salvation when you need help/advice and you just quit? You get people here concerned for you and here helping you and you just "quit"?

Tell us what happened TTF and why you want to "quit"?

If you WANT MB to work, you can't just "quit"...

Umm, huh? Quit what?

Did your WW do something that you think nobody on this board has seen before and they are powerless to help you?
If so, think again, or at least try them.

Did you fail to disclose something about your situation that might have a bearing and you think the plan can't work or get back on track? If so, think again. I had to stall my plan A after an exposure to inform everyone in the free world about my own past A's. Sure I caught a few 2x4's - and they were right on target; hardest and most important thing I've ever done. The people here know what they're talking about.

There are a lot of people counting on you to come back here TTF. Including your daughter.

~optimism

Don�t get me wrong I love each and everyone of you for your help and support. But how do you reach someone who is unreachable?
She told me last night that it was pointless. She reacted to the news of OM�s girlfriend just like I figured she would. She said she didn�t care, �I don�t care if he has 25 girlfriends, he�s not you and that�s all that matters.�
She said she hated hurting me and hated what she had done to our families but it was necessary for her to move on. She said that she felt like she could not be �nice� to me anymore, �Every time I am nice to you, you misinterpret it as affection and you start trying to fix us�stop.�
This is by no means all that was said, it�s just an example. How do I deal with it.
I think the time has come now for her to see what it is like without me. I could be wrong.

((((TTF)))

MB can still help you. Plan A is only the beginning. You conduct it as best as you can and then you move to Plan B. You are even starting to say so yourself:


Perhaps it's time to start preparing for Plan B.

I�m not handling this very well, am I?

The point of a plan A is its invisible qualities. You never talk about relationships, you just be nice.

Expect vile behaviour to your nice responses. This is not your problem. She has to deal with it. The vets describe the action as building a rock bridge underwater -you see nothing until enough rock fills the underwater cavity.

Understand the WW wants you to lose. It justifies her guilt. You stay cool -this response also wears her down. Do it.

She still has money, doesn't she?