TTF
This is awful. I'm really sorry but maybe this will support your strength to do what you need to do.

If I were you, I would call WW's parents and OM's W (or girlfriend?) and your parents and expose to everyone what your WW has done.
Leaving DD without picking up or calling is appauling to me. You need to explain this to your DD immediately and tell her what her mother is up to. She needs to know this.

AND, if I were you, I would contact the attorney you spoke to again and go ahead and file--you probably don't have to pay the whole amount up front. Explain to him about the way your WW had abandoned the DD. You may want to consider packing up some stuff and moving maybe with your parents? and when she returns she will find the house empty? This could be a good or bad thing--good in the way that she sees you're not playing but bad as in the way she could load stuff up while you're not there.

I would fight like hell to get my DD in this situation and it can ba done.

Call the lawyer back and protect yourself and DD and expose to anyone who may not know where she is right now. Call HER parents and tell them if they do not already know.

Mmm if it was me, I would visit WW with a bouquet of flowers and daughter.

Let her enjoy a little mom and daughter time together.

Thanks Everyone.

TTF, you need to tell your daughter. Let her call her mother so she ask why she has done this to your family. Please don't lie to your daughter about what your wife is doing. THAT HELPS NO ONE.

What will happen next is that your wife will have a "change of heart" when the OM leaves and want to come back. Will she be going to her parents house?

And about your lawyer, an attorney will always take the easiest softest way out. They are divorce facilitators, nothing more. Because of that, you need to tell your lawyer what you expect. For example, you don't want your DD dragged from her safe home to accommodate your WW's affair. YOU - the boss of the lawyer - tell your lawyer this is your expectation and he needs to do what is necessary to protect your DD.

Keep in mind, the lawyer does not care about your DD. He only cares about: easy divorce. It will be up to you to protect her. So you tell the lawyer that your W won't be dragging your D from her safe home and to make this happen.

But most of all, stop lying to your daughter. This situation is bad enough without adding lies to the mix. She needs to be prepared and guided through this horrible situation and you cannot do that if you lie to her. kids can handle the truth, they can't handle lies.

Not at any point during this have I ever lied to my daughter. She knows the truth because we talk about it. I haven�t sugarcoated it or made excuses. The only reason I withheld this last little tidbit is because it was late, she was already upset, and I didn�t want her to sit up all night long staring at the ceiling. She will hear the whole truth this evening when we have more time to sit around and discuss it.

Good! So when she speaks to your W, she can be fully apprised of the facts so your WW cannot lie and spin the truth to her.

Be straight forward when speaking to your DD and think about the lesson you want her to learn about honesty. You will be teaching her what is right and what is wrong.

Gg

Make sure she is not allowed to withdraw money from your bank accounts. Make sure her new car is NOT on your insurance policy; call the insurance company and REMOVE it - YOU did not authorize it. She can deal with it later.

Ask your lawyer today if you can put out a missing persons report or some such thing, to DOCUMENT that she disappeared and LEFT your car in some parking lot in the middle of town without telling you. DOCUMENT the ludicrousness of it all, for court.

TTF
I like Imagines idea about showing up at hotel with DD...

Your WW is trying to out fox you--leaving the car in a parking lot??? Did you go get it yet?

You DO need to be keeping some kind of journal about the things your WW is doing. I would call attorney today and get him/her to file something--maybe even start D procedure. Work out a payment plan with them.

Does everyone pertinent know where your WW is today/tonight? I would ask her mother/father to call her. What do they say about all this?

You and your DD are going to be fine. You are doing the right things but please don't let your guard down.

And, TTF--one thing I forgot to mention--I would make sure that she is not using $$ from your bank accounts or your family credit cards to fund the A (hotel expense, etc.)

Thanks everyone, I have already transferred all the money out of our joint account into a safe place. I�ll be retrieving our car tomorrow; I will not have time today because of work.
Everyone knows; she has been contacted by every one of her family members via text, or cell phone. She doesn�t care, she says that she has to do this in order to be happy, it�s a strange world.
I have to leave now, I more than likely will not be back for a few days, maybe I will have some better news the next time I log on.
I hope everyone has a safe and happy New Year, I will continue to pray for all of us.
God Bless.

Bump for ttf - hope to get an update.

Good morning my friends, I took some time off to clear my head and decide which way I should go.
Let me say first that I appreciate the help and support that this board offers. I don�t think I would survive this without the help of my friends here.
I have tried to look inside myself, I have tried to make sense of this entire mess and form some kind of plan for the future. It isn�t easy to look at some of this sometimes, it isn�t easy to look it in the eye and call it what it is�over.
I started the paper work yesterday to divorce my wife. I am going to offer her a settlement first; she should receive it by the 15th. If she agrees to my terms it could be over very quickly and as painlessly as possible. I was very fair in my demands, I believe the more attractive I make settling, the more likely she is to sign off on it. We can avoid dragging our daughter through the mud, get it over with, and move on with our lives.
I will continue to come here for help and support and to also offer it whenever I can. I pray for each and every one of us, we will survive this.

TTF
I'm sorry that this is the result but, like you said, it may be for the best. But, I'm glad to see that you're back here posting.

Tell us what happened with the trip and what brought you to this conclusion? Are you going to try for primary custody of DD? What does she say about all this--and with WW's trip?

The result is unfortunate, but I understand where you are. At this point, I think you are taking the right step.

Have you had any communication with WW since she met with OM on the 30th? I still cannot believe she did that!

We are all with you my friend - glad you're back here.

Sorry to hear this result TTF. In fact I'm heart-broken for you. You know you still have support here and my prayers continue to go out for you and your family. Thanks for checking in a letting us know, we were wondering and hoping for you. I hope you'll continue to let us know about your progess - I know you'll make the best of a bad situation, you would have never come here if you weren't that type of person.

optimism

Will you be retaining custody? I would fight for that, if I were you. She doesn't need to grow up watching and learning her mom's cruddy morals.

Keep posting; it's a great place to air your thoughts and keep learning.

TTF, I hate to say it, but I believe you have done the right thing. It doesn't mean that things can't turn around, but the flagrant way in which your wife has pursued her affair leads me to believe that you have to take every step to protect yourself and your DD.

I hope that your offer includes you maintaining primary custody of your DD and a stipulation that she not be exposed to her OM, though. Your wife is so destructive that I would be concerned that she would expose your DD to her OM. That is how little kids end up molested and abused. Your W is not in her right mind and can't be trusted to look out for the best interests of your DD.

We have had WW's who were in affairs with internet pervs who were actually seeking contact with the WW's DAUGHTER. So please go to great lengths to protect her from your W's insanity.

Yep! Ditto!

There are many folk here that can help with the divorce. Keep posting.

Thanks my friends, I am not ignoring you, I have a ton of junk on my desk preventing me concentrating at the moment. I will get my work caught up and will fill you in on the details tomorrow. Once again�Thanks.