that just gave me a good laugh, ML. YES!!

point in fact I gotta wait for DALAS COWBOYS game to be over cuz WH is a cowboy fanatic...will do what Melody said to say :o)

When you expose, make sure you point out that he is HIDING his communications with other women from you. Ask them if they would be fine with their spouse talking to other women/men and hiding it from them.

I happy to see you are sticking to a plan, Plexle. I have been worried about you. Just remember, if you feel a lovebuster coming on, go busy yourself with something, for me it was kids or laundry, or just go for a ride. You can do this! Hugs

Cat---so true!! I am grateful for your help!! Brr its so chilly here in New England---trying to get comfy and warm for my weary wrecked body with a smile on my face for WH. Gonna light my favorite scented candle!!

Plexle, I am not deaf, but I have been around deaf people a bit, and I am not sure you're correct. In fact, I'd be willing to say I think exposure might be MORE effective among the deaf community than in the hearing one. Why I think this may be the case is two-fold. First, the deaf community is just that: a community. There is a bond among people who share a common trait. I also think that the type of communication among the non-hearing is more intense (maybe not the right word I'm searching for, but I hope it conveys my meaning) simply because it requires the use of the other senses all that much more.

The hearing community relies heavily on the spoken word. When people don't speak, things are ignored or overlooked. But you just described the use of facial expressions, and deaf people are much more attuned to others' facial expressions. I would think it would be harder to hide knowledge of someone's A among the deaf community than it would be in the hearing world.

Am I making sense? Am I way off base?

Exactly!!
First of all for GODS SAKE lol give him back his precious pager but here is what you can do about monitoring it.
Listen plexle, If I understand what you wrote B4, you said the pager account is in your name right?

Ok then, give him his pager, call the service that runs it, (nextel? doesnt matter). Tell them you want to install Flexspy or or any monitoring program on the service DISCRETELY. They can do this it happens all the time. They probably can mirror image all the conversations to your personal Email account for a fee. Its 2010 and there is no more privacy since 911. TRust me it can be done.
If that service is not available you can tell them you want the password. You want this all done descretely and the user is NOT to know about it. If you can't get nextel to monitor the pager and send you the info and you get the password sent to you then you can install amonitoring program that will work,(ask them what one will work), some night while he sleeps. He will be none the wiser.
You do not have to reveal why you want this done to them. They work for you and the pager is in your name. Employers do it all the time. They turn on the GPS function of their employees phones to see if they are really where they say they are..etc..etc..

You have the account in your name and that is an advantage for you. So give the dumb thing back and play it from this angle.

OK...1.Give him the pager
2. Roll out the the Enola Gay and drop the nukes per to the instructions of Commander Mel and bombadier cat.
3. Have a freind be with you when he comes home fuming after this is done. The cat will be out of the bag. You deserve to have someone there to protect you so you wont be afraid.

You are doing well Plexle, You are starting to get you mind wrapped around why you need to do this. Just look at Mels total posts and see how long she has been helping ppl get there WS head removed from there derierres. She can be trusted to take care of YOU.

God Bless

Hee! I'm a bombadier! Whoo Boy!

That is a hoot!


You do know this had a huge impact on the affair in your friend's marriage? Lets say that exposure doesn't END the affair, it will start the collapse because affairs thrive on secrecy. It will be no fun anymore with every one watching. Women HATE other women who cheat with married men, so the OW will be treated as a pariah.

If your H agrees to leave the job, tell him the only way you can settle for this in the meantime is if he goes to his supervisor and gets his position changed so he never sees the OW at work again.

Sort--first of all *imitating superbowl BUDLIGHT commercial* : "I LOVE YOU, MAN!!!"
I will call my provider for the service and monitoring!! YOU ROCK!!!!!!

Umm--for my SAFETY sakes, if give him pager now---if I bombard and expose early morning monday, like I agreed with Melody--because he has pager he will hear about exposure while he with me for dr harley session 10:30ET.... but perhaps I should send all exposures after I leave home for work at 12 noon, he will be home alone and restless as he reports for work at 2:15ET.... he would probably report and stay at work to see oW and then come home to kill me I guess... I don't know if HR will call him Monday...

Plexle, HR didn't get back to me for 1-2 days... then we had to schedule a meeting... then they asked me for evidence, of which I had none. Then maybe 1-2 weeks before they called H in to tell him they were starting an investigation.

So that's why I suggested that you print out that online convo cuz there's clear indicators that it is happening on work time and send it along with the exposure letter. It SHOULD speed up the process!!

Exposure DOES work, Plexle. WH and OW's plan was likely that they would tell everyone that you two were having marriage problems, separated and THEN they started dating.

Once you expose, they will deny anything is going on between them and then they will be under scrutiny...and now you have put a big dent in their future plans. I don't see the deaf culture issue affecting this.

Susie, what do you think about the fact I've seen past EA names in his keylogger??

Yes, you are. Making sense that is. I wouldn't say more intense... I would say it has more meaning, but what's the word for that? More meaningful?

Deaf people are much more observant and perceptive than deaf-impaired people... they pick up instantly that there's something going on though they may not know what it is. Not just facial expressions, but body language, eye contact, gestures, etc etc...

I agree too that I think it's going to make an impact, if Plexle goes NUCLEAR. As it is right now, a lot of people may have heard rumors already due to the small exposure she did, but they're all thinking it's just another silly rumor, and her H was able to gaslight the one or two friends she contacted.

Because in the deaf community is a) small and b) gossip spreads like wildfire, I actually think exposure could be more effective...regardless of whether people put pressure on the waywards to stop the A, etc.

I think he is like oh, so many men who think that as long as their wife has a ring and a home, they should back off and let him have his fun. Because, after all, men (sorry, BIG generalization here) have TWO brains to think with, and many use the less intelligent one to guide them.

Hmm, he could be looking for someone who will support him? Maybe he thinks old OW will do that? OR he could be looking to get that "zing" or "high" from an old OW that he was getting from new OW that he isn't getting right now...

My H found a 2nd OW while he was foggy and not getting the zing from his OW while he was away on a trip... When he was unfogged, he told me he has no idea why he pursued OW2, that he didn't find her attractive at all and hardly knew her...

but this shouldn't divert you from your plan. OK? hang in there.

Are you afraid of physical violence? Have someone be with you if this is true plexle k?

You seem to have the timing down right just don't be alone when he blows his top especiially if there is a chance of him losing control.

We can talk about his entitlement issues later if need be. I think you know that you deserve a good marriage right? You do deserve it because you are working for it. Remember that k?

This is tough stuff your going thru I say YOU ROCK!!!

Stay as cool,calm and collective as "Bond, Jane Bond". Meditate, think positive thoughts and visualize peace.

Susie--I think you're right--OW is dating someone and she brought him here this weekend to a tournament. WH's second EA--WH has never really owned that it was an EA and because EA2 is now married I'm sure he's getting validation from her...
I don't get the money borrowing or setting up computer at friends house though--see-see what the keylogger holds in the morning, I guess.

p.s. When I arrived home from class WH was on Videophone with his sister and we 3 had long talk about the fact that sister deleted my email from mother's pager. WH in the very end told sister to please explain 'superficial' marriage problems so she hears it from us and not gossipers *whew* can fill in mom later on details, etc.



gonna give him pager now according to Melody's guidleines and Sort and Cat (looking seeking now with a service rep (deaf) for slyware for pager...

I want to expose the other ladies too--all of them quietly secretly talking to him... feedback?