Her WH is the one who dropped the ball. She is the one who has the authority to protect the marriage at this point.
Its lonely at the top. Untill he can earn the trust he needs to concede this battle for ROH. He needs to see that he is wrong first and hes not there yet.

A two-year old knows he is wrong for taking cookies when Mom says not to. How many two year olds with a demonstrated habit of taking cookies would you trust with the cookie jar key?

The ROH is like the key. We want to let the child be responsible but he needs to earn that when he is old enough. The child will rant and rave about how unfair it is but Moms will stay strong and discipline the kid untill he trusts authority and fears consequence.
Some day when he grows up he will thank Mom.

In this case ROH would be giving WH the key to the gun cabinet that he could use to destroy the marriage. Would he? Seems so and Plex has the right to protect herself from the lies that are hurting her. HER.

Hes gonna have to trust her now with the keys so to speak

The mother has issues Melody, always calling one of her 4 children on the videophone and backstabbing one of her children (for example WH's sister lives in her home and doesn't pay rent and WH's sis has 4 children and a husband. the couple pays bills but no rent, she likes to call and complain that sis doesn't pay rent and then swear us to secrecy. sis knows that mother does this with all of her children...) Eveyrthing is usually malicious of the mother to say about the child not present except WH's oldest bro--he's fighting livercancer for about 7 years now....that one is an 'angel suffering'... and she always end every call with saying "shh shh dont say anything ok? please??" and it goes on and on and on...

SERIOUS trust issues and WH would be upset mostly because she backstabs for no reason already and he says hes ashamed by this trait of his mother...WH seems to get that mom will find out and wants sis to handle it, if she were upset but would prefer she know as less as possible because of her tendency to backstab in general... WH really doesnt communicat emuch with mother as a result of this trait of hers and typically he will wait 2 or 3 days to reply to mother's emails... I suspect out of spite... I know you said childhood has got nothing to do with us as adults but this a seriously wacky situation, especially considering his upbringing... In a dorm under paid staff watch 5 days a week... with a mom like that, who wouldn't be screwy, right? Ah, I digress...

I saw a comment about leading by example...and not locking anything, truth is he isn't interested in my pager because he says often i broke a promise to him and lied when I checked his pager (calm and saying nothing in return) he could check it but he KNOWS nothing in there... I am locking the computer to hide my coping and protective gear (Thanks Melody) and because of the pain I have a right to do that.

After Dr Harley I will have to leave home and do the FB exposures. I have a copy of the one for OW and friends, what about mutual friends of WH and mine? what should that letter read? I can't seem to find it and it will save me time to copy and paste... I will have to go to the DaysInn and mooch their wifi which is a really lousy signal and I won't have much time... Please help? I can't send FB exposure until I have left the house and can't access FB at work...
FB doesn't allow to save messages so I can't prepare them ahead of time--I tried and it spontaneously combusted!!! Thank God it didn't send--too risky I have to be away from him..

I asked him for password again under the guise that I'm trying to understand im as a thought occurred to me: he has male friends but always usesemail not Instant Messaging--most are girls on that list...Anyway he bought it, he kissing butt, has cooked dinner for past 2 nights and bought my fav pizza tonight the password.....

its" uarebusted " I couldn't beleive the irony and he doesn't see it so I secretly giggle over that private joke...

I asked him about his day, logged his mileage, asked him if he contacted OW and he said 'no I don't want to' and he went on to say he considered paging a friend he visited yesterday for the door but he's embarrased I took his pager and doesn't want friend to know he has it back. Interesting the one girl that loves her hubby that he talks to at work and talks to her about me--always positively, he talked to her about dallas cowboys, appropriately and claimed his balackberry had error or something...

I was also upset I wouldn't be able to track that pager activity today but I held up by saying doesn't matter, damage is done, one day of emails isn't going to make it worse...this is rock bottom...

so now, I hope to be able to stay awake and install flexispy, but he slept late so I'll probably go bed and get up earlier than usual to install the spyware on the pager. The service provider representative was really no help, and I want gps tracking, so I'm going to end up paying about $250 for that...

WH and I have been chatting and calm and smiling and hes making alot of trips from his room to my area for any little reason to talk, his collection, cards he won or sold.

MELODY---please look at this---WH verbally agreed to buy a car via private seller today.... I feigned concern about the IRS and the issues hes having afraid they will take it, it will be the third car in his name, I said youshould transfer VWcar to my name at same time, or put new car in my name, simple...he wasn't cool with new car in my name so he agreed to put VW in mine, (I paid for it and canprove it but, I need him to willingly sign it over in case our marriage dies and I can't do CPR to save it, I legally paid for that car......) and WH said since he will be going to dmv anyway, it will be easier to do it all at once--transfer VW to my name and to submit buyer title to his name for new car. I can't afford the mortgage and a new car payment, even if it was used, in addition to all the bills in this house...

In my calm determined james Bond state I say to you:

Melody if I expose on FB tmrw you know he's going to be so so so so so so sos osososososoososos MAD he will not transfer the car to my name... I need to dialogue with you about delaying the process until he submits paperwork tuesday morning to dmv.

Staying calm and determined,


I was sickly this moring with the 4 hours of sleep

Thats ok, he will get over getting angry. Exposing on facebook is likely to help end the affair. With the exposure of close friends and family, I would modify the exposure email a little and ask them to give their advice to your H.

I still think you should expose to the mother. Even though they don't have the best of relationships, it will help tremendously if he is put in a position to have to explain his affair to his mother. I suspect he is concerned he will be embarassed which is ok. The fear of being backstabbed is irrelevant. His main fear is being JUDGED.

Is your H going to be speaking to Steve Harley tomorrow too?

mm

Yes he completed the necessary documents to counsel with Steve harley tmrw. I don't know who will go first.

I do intend to speak with mother myself-I have a plan *grin* To call when no one can intercept it (WH sis and hubby not home--has to be at a certain time mid-day and I can do that at work.

But, for all practical intents and purposes, I want the paperwork to put the car in my name dropped off at dept motor vehicles before I send the exposure email. WH s going early Tuesday morning... he's thrilled about his new car and wants to be able to drive it--DeptMotorVehicles here closed on Mondays ARGH!!

marshmallow?

haha *lights a campfire* lets roast some marshmellows!! heeheehee

i lactually ooked up mm on the acronym list!! hhahah

I can't help it, I have to share!

typically I don't see WH after 6pm on Sundays because hes too busy posting cards to sell on ebay... and I am here on computer investigating spyware and he keeps coming--literally for each card he posts or sold (tonight sales finalize) and hes asking me "is this orange or copper?" "LOOK,I bought this for 50 cents and sold for $15 dollars.." its hard to stifle my giggles but it helps me smile to him and remain calm...what he hell did he do today thats got him shaking in his boots?

I'm totally James Bond Calm determined.

I already set up another google account for eblaster--gonna buy and download that, and flexispy for pager. Owie to my credit card...but it's gonna help :o)

God Bless Melody Lane and her patience-Lord knows I don't have any at all, and yet she's helped me 'get my southern belle' back in control and on the horse.

Giddy-up!

You miseed something about the mother mel. She has real issues. Also WH doesn't respect or care about what she feels.

The other thing Mel is Plex was askin about waiting till she got a car in her name b4 she exposed. Would mean 1 day. I think she can wait for a short amount of time for this cuz she is under financial duress.


As far as exposur when teh time comes Plex. The more the better. Even if the mother started to explode and it was outrageous it would just be part of the fallout of the affair. Still WH fault and he should be to blame for any BullCr7p. Exposure needs to be total carpet bombing with extreme prejadice. Do it all at once so the message of truth is clear

I vote for 1 or 2 more days B4 the exposure so you can survive without his paycheck if ya gotta boot him or he runs like a banny rooster on steroids.

I agree. She seems ok for now; another day won't matter, if it means getting the title turned over to her.

I love this: from flexispy:

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complete assurance!

Eblaster installed. Nothing found on keylogger while I went to college.

flexispy installed on blackberry.

Dr Harley at 10:30.

I'm staying home sick today so I can rest at home alone while WH goes to work.

A day dedicated to me :o)

Awesome!

Good job on getting flexispy and eblaster installed! Now, you can relax a little, maybe?

Plexle, did you see what I wrote about his mother? I think that would be a much more impactful exposure than you think mainly because your H is terrified that she will find out. He has already gone to great lengths to make sure she doesn't find out, which tells me that he is worried about her finding out. The state of the relationship won't matter, what matters is that he is concerned about it, which means it will be an effective exposure.

So Melody, it would be fine if she waits one more day to do exposure? She needs WH to change the car's title into her name tomorrow morning when he goes to DMV.

Yep, I got that!

WH is with Dr Harley now--brief background questions tog. I'm in another room talking to my fav peeps (YOU).

I'm feeling good, rested, showered, I fixed my hair and put perfume on, told WH I'm not going to work. I calm (he found lots o reasons to come to ME and talk before our session--not important reasons but important inclination change i behavior, if you ask me...)

Finally, I must admit I'm picturing life if he leaves, I will be ok, it's not the end of the world, but, I gotta try my best and that makes me feel a little nervous-anxious-excited.

My alarm was ringing while I had nightmare: WH had already struck up another EA wit a girl that looked barely 18y.o. and I was panicing to gte him help before he gets arrested for statutory rape, etc. Found out she was 18...alarm goes off I hit snooze and try to calm my heart--WH taps me "wake up" I turned and I said with tears calmly and quietly "I had nightmare about you that you had an EA with very young girl and I was calling our friend (former cop) for help to try to wake you up." He looks guility away and we both drifted off to sleep til alarm went off again.

The name is Plexle, Nice & Calm

I just wanted to say I've been following your thread - and I think you are doing wonderfully.

I have been really busy, but I'm following along too, Plexle. I love your writing style *smiles*

Your OW's emails gave me some insight into an OW's mind...
"Oh, Plexle is crazy, I would NEVER mess with a married man!"
....while at the same time telling your H how effed up his M is and how he is her knight in shining armor and how special their friendship is.

Puke...She knows exactly what she is doing...

You are doing great. Hang in there. hugs

I thought I was the only person who did that!

I used to tell my H and D that, for a birthday present, I wanted them to go away for the weekend so I could just be alone.