Just one more input to debunk the bogus concept that "being involved in parent's marriage problems screws up kids".

What screws them up is parents using them as PAWNS. The truth does not harm them. The affair, and the abuse the person having an affair heaps upon the children -- unwittingly -- is the source of the problem.

So let me give you an example. I'll think for a few minutes... Oh, right, I'll use ME.

My mother is a serial adulteress. She cheated on her husbands multiple times, but I'm only aware of her being caught three times. She would use me as a pawn against my father, trying to recruit my support, lied to me about the source of the problem for months before she finally moved in the other man and I saw the source of my problems made flesh.

I hated and despised my new "stepfather" until the day he died two years ago. In fact, I still hate and despise the dead. I like her just a little bit more. I would love her if she hadn't manipulated me, lied to me, and tried to use me as a pawn to get her way.

My father, on the other hand, was a doormat. He let her steamroll him into divorce, moved himself out of the house, and my only resentment of him was for not sticking up for his marriage and not staying close to home where I could have had my dad to go to rather than the adultery partners making the beast with two backs loudly down the hall from my bedroom.

But he has my respect for at least being honest with me throughout the entire process. My mother, on the other hand, earned my enmity forever for using me and lying to me.

So when you're talking about people getting screwed up because their parents involved them in their marital problems, let's be VERY CLEAR what behavior leads to screwed-up people like me: LYING to your kids and USING THEM as weapons against your spouse. Telling them the truth is not using them as a weapon. Telling them the truth is an object lesson in your own values of truth over lies. Telling them the truth shows them you love them enough to give them the facts to figure out their problems. Telling them the truth gives them the tool they need to understand their life and learn to make responsible choices.