Add: One (or more) voice-activated recorders (VAR). Available at Radio Shack.

Build an incontrovertible case about his affair. Then, when you expose you can wax it 'with extreme prejudice,' as they say.

Thanks Melvin.

Isn't 40 pages of emails between them with such classic lines as "I can't stop thinking about you..." (Hot Pants) and "Can you get away to meet me for dinner....I can leave the meeting early...I'm having Hot Pants withdrawal..." (Dr. Prof.)? I think the Dean and Provost might find those lines among others interesting.....as well as my attorney who I will hire next week. Had a girlfriend who was divorced a year ago and had a real bulldog who makes other attorneys quake.....I'm lining up my ducks.

You need to expose this affair.

Tell WH's parents, his siblings.

Then email the college president, then CC the Director of HR, the board of directors, and the VP in charge of academic standards. Tell them about the affair and the OW sleeping her way to a degree. Ask them what are they going to do about this.

Your WH is trying to manipulate you into staying quiet. This shows how much WS's fear exposure becaue they know how effective it will be at bringing pressure down on them.

You are frustrated because you are getting no where. Exposure will move things fast in your case.

H's parents are deceased; he's an only child; we have no children; I have no living parents and 1 sister who already knows and wants to hire a hitman. I have 1 very close girlfreind who knows. We have lots of couples we socialize with who don't know, and of course, workplace.

OK...looking for stuff....can't access his cell records...university pays for his cell phone. Went in his home office and nothing incriminating yet....however he's obviously had time to cover himself now that he knows I know about Hot Pants. We have one joint checking account we both contribute to pay home expenses, but we both have individual checking accounts for the rest of our incomes and I don't know where his checkbook is. Credit cards are totally individual.....his Blackberry manages his life otherwise and its never away from him....even sleeps with it by the bed for the past two years.

Going to try to install the keylogger on his laptop while he's gone....guess it'd help me with strategy....

Yes, this way you can monitor him.

TWO YEARS??? Ladylonglegs, something tells me your H has been errant for longer than just the several months he's been chasing Ms. Hot Pants.

Possessive behavior of a Blackberry phone is one of the signs of a wayward spouse. So is hiding OW names and phone numbers under "guy friends" identities on them.

DO. IT. NOW.

I have a very bad feeling about this. You need to snoop, discover and then expose. Your 40 pages of email may not be enough. But if you can get incontrovertible proof (as my attorney told me, "that would convince a judge"), then you should go nuclear exposure.

Please keep posting here. In the short time I've been here, I've seen a lot of "high level" infidelity turn out to be way much more when the BS starts snooping...

If you can get ever get your hands on it, you can download and install flexispy at www.flexispy.com. Knowledge is power in killing affairs.

And that gives you a very good clue as to when this affair started. Ask yourself: when exactly did he start sleeping with it nearby? That's probably about the time the affair started heating up...


What that will give you is specific information you might need, but not necessarily a strategy. It will help you know when he's lying about contact, what story he's spinning to the other woman (you can be SURE he's lying to her, too), etc. Make sure you archive off the old logs somewhere secure periodically... printed out and stored in that safe deposit box would be good.

I'd suggest a voice-activated recorder in his car, too, if you can manage it. Gives you additional evidence of contact so you can know the truth when he spins a story on you again. And if you're at all interested in pursuing an at-fault divorce, and it's legal in your state, hiring a private investigator to get photos of the lovers together is worthwhile as well.

Be aware, too, that on rare occasion husbands are scared straight right away by their wife's discovery and subsequent exposure of the affair. It's not the normal response, and you shouldn't bet on it, but it happens from time to time.

If his cell is paid by the school and he has used it for affair contact....you have a big gun there. He is using "company property" for his impropriety.

OK...eblaster is on his laptop. I'm getting more angry by the minute....I've been reduced to a spying wife. He's not home....I'm not hanging around here waiting for what???? Going out to my favorite restaurant to try and see if anything looks appetizing. I haven't eaten all day.....

Be forewarned that what you discover from keylogger is going to make you angrier than now.

Keep a cap on it or it will spoil your source of info.

Learn to stop and breathe when reading reports and to not let them boil over and blow at him. Your instincts/Taker will want you to SO BAD! whatever you read, remind yourself it is fantasy concocted by two people who LOVE intrigue and illicit you know what due to the excitement and it whips them up into a crazy frenzy of yuck.

Also........it most likely has been a PA and the friendship card is script of waywards. You will find out this when you read Surviving An Affair. In the book, Sue says she and Greg (OM) can be friends since the affair is over...lol. Gotta love them entitled foggy folk. Well, they do have endearing qualities for sure. LOL.

As I was getting dressed to go find dinner, I just fell into a sobbing heap on the floor. I can't believe where I'm at....I've been living with a liar and cheat, my dear mother who was a great mom and friend died just weeks ago, and I'm here alone wondering where my H is and whether he's with her. Thank God for my wonderful pals, my dogs, who came in and started licking me and probably wondering what was happening.

I don't want to be this pathetic person. I am a smart, strong, attractive person and I have always prided myself in being control of my life. I'm not sure I want anything to do with H, but by God, he's going to regret the day he decided to betray me. I probably could have dealt with an honest, forthright discussion where he came to me and said he wanted out of our marriage. But to become a sneak, cheat, liar.... and make my life a lie as well....I am so confused as to what has been true and what has been false in our life together.

First, I want to speak to my lawyer. I might be better off to get a really favorable financial settlement from him and run to a new life in exchange for not telling what I know. I have to go with what is true to my nature, and its not being anybody's fool.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{[[ladylonglegs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

You will be ok, no matter what happens. You are wise to take the time to think this over. We will be here for you, friend.

You sound a lot like me. If you REALLY think you want out, I can help you. Are you in an at fault state? also, you can take your settlement, THEN EXPOSE him and blow up his life/career..DUDE

You are definitely different than most of these other BS on here. I'm an outlier just like you...DUDE

I am in a no fault state. I had a close friend who is a professional woman who was divorced a year ago in this state and she was basically told its 50/50 and especially, I'm sure in the case where I make a little more money than my H and I have a Ph.D. and we have no children. All of our financials are separate except joint ownership of two homes and a household expenses account. From friend's experiences, it seems it would be an even split. HOWEVER, I have pretty good knowledge and tangible proof of H misusing government grant funds for travel to entertain his affair partner. Its all in a safety deposit box along with 40 pages of emails between them (most on university time). One of the emails describes their plans to be together at a professional conference in another state, and another is their exchanges with each other after the conference about what a wonderful few days it was to be together "uninterrupted". That, along with the fact he's involved with his advisee.....I can blow him out of the water. Maybe he'd like to exchange two houses, the dogs and all other furnishings for me keeping my mouth shut. We could work out a little contract.......

Yep, Welcome to our club. Sorry you are here. As everyone is suggesting the best thing you can do is expose the A. A's are meant to be kept secret. Exposure is punching WS in the nose and waking him up to the fact that when you choose a behavior you choose the consequence.

Gg