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She's nut's right now, I don't want her to take money from the account or doing anything else crazy. Your right, if she does that stuff, I can always file to get it stopped. I'll be wearing my bullet proof vest for a couple weeks.....just in case.

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Originally Posted by TheRoad
No reason to get a restraining order. Why do you think that you need one?

What? You don't even have your sig line populated? WHAT IS YOUR STORY..You got NO STREET CRED ROADKILL!! DUDE

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Originally Posted by patriot45
She's nut's right now, I don't want her to take money from the account or doing anything else crazy. Your right, if she does that stuff, I can always file to get it stopped. I'll be wearing my bullet proof vest for a couple weeks.....just in case.

You don't need that vest. You have just become Superman to your kids and POSSIBLY your WW if she sobers up fast enough..DUDE

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Tell the banks she can't touch it without your permission.

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1) Get a voice activated digital recorder. Keep it with you at all times. These are the times that women make up fake claims of abuse. Keep it handy in case she calls the cops, and if the does, keep it hidden and get her on tape admitting you did nothing, but she's going to get you thrown out anyway.

2) At least talk to a good divorce attorney and be well-advised of your rights and how to handle situations that may arise.

I would try and let exposure work its course first, but if you filed for divorce and full custody, as well a spousal support, your WW's fantasy affair would come crumbling down in a heartbeat. She doesn't want to lose her kids or her standard of living. If those are threatened, the affair will die quickly. Know that you have that in your back pocket in case you need to use it. I would try and plan A though for at least 3 good months.


Jim

BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
Jim's Story
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Originally Posted by patriot45
She's nut's right now, I don't want her to take money from the account or doing anything else crazy. Your right, if she does that stuff, I can always file to get it stopped. I'll be wearing my bullet proof vest for a couple weeks.....just in case.

Her response is text book - crazy stuff - you would think she would be happy and willing to share her new happiness and joy with OM.

The anger shows you have hit a mighty blow. Facebook msgs is classic - great job.

Making the affair a bad place to be is only the beginning. Stay sharp and start Making the marriage and the home a good place to return to.


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2 Sons (29 & 23)
1 Dtr (20)
1 GDtr (2.5) precious little girl
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We'll see what happens. She comes home tomorrow, so it should be interesting. It's pretty funny to see the lack of support she has. Her family and freinds have been calling non stop offering support and even offering to submit letters stating they have observed the interation with the kids and I would be the more fit parent.....YIKES! Tough to get custody when you Mom, Dad sister and best freind all say your not fit to care for your own children. I was offered the new job yesterday and I called to tell her, but she wont return my calls. I sent an e-mail telling her the days I need to go out of town (if I take it) for training so we can adjust our schedules.....no response. It's one thing to be mad and not talk, but another to do this. In effect, she is guilty of abandonment. Although this whole thing is repulsive to me, I at least know I have support and family to fall back on.

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I would line up someone else to take care of the kids while you're out of town, just in case she acts like a 2 year old.

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Originally Posted by patriot45
I was offered the new job yesterday and I called to tell her, but she wont return my calls. I sent an e-mail telling her the days I need to go out of town (if I take it) for training so we can adjust our schedules.....

Under no circumstance should you leave your house for overnight travel!

Screw that job for now!

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Good point. See if they can come with you.

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I am glad you are digging in your heels 'Patriot', and it seems from those that have been there, done that, you are doing what is right, and she is reacting as they said she would.

The advise makes sense, she was having a blast, a dirty little secret, now, not so much. She KNOWS you are not playing around and you are taking action. I don't see how she has a chance with the kids, if she were really trying to do that.

While that new job seems good on the surface, I would agree that leaving your house now is not a good idea. I would worry about it myself.

I am praying for you and your family that this turns out ok.

Last edited by codtej; 01/20/10 09:27 AM.

Me: BH, 49 yrs old
Her: FWW 44 yrs old
A's occurred in 1988
Dday #1 (2 A's) Aug. 26, 2009
Dday #2 (3 A's) Sep. 5, 2009

My story: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/u...744#Post2279744

Not sure where we are going...?


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Good job on exposure.

She is reading from the WW script with her threats of divorce. Don't even acknowledge them, it's just WW craziness.

I would not text her, call her, or answer either from her until she returns.

Leaving overnight would be a bad thing right now. Can you train locally?


Me 34
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Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
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There is no reason to not go for training for a few days. There is no ay that this can be construed as abandonment.

However WW's refusal to parent and discuss child care coverage is definately abandonment on her part.

So go to your training and have you parents watch the kids at their own home or yours whatever works best.

You need a job WW's do not respect stay at home dads.

Last edited by TheRoad; 01/20/10 11:11 AM.
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Well, she called and it was UGLY!! I left plan A and went to plan Dude. She called and asked if I was done being crazy. I stuck to the script and said, I know you don't believe me, but I did it to save the marrige. She said "it had the opposite effect. He (OM) is pissed and I don't know what he's going to do. His freinds are all laughing at you and you look like a fool. All this did was drive me to him and by the way, the sex we had last night was the best ever. That was it. I never called her names or anything, but the guns came out. Told her she could have him. She can do whatever she wants, that in two months when she is done with this, she will look back and realize how F-ed up she was. I said I was willing to work on this, but you've gone to far. I said you can make it easy, or make it hard...your call. But you will not get your children, you will pay support, and I will make a decission that is in the best interest of the kids. If it means moving, so be it. Just get out of our lives. Leave me and the kids alone. Crawl back under your rock and continue with your little F-budddy. Her tone totally changed and she says "I'm sorry I said that, I am just angry". Really I said, how rich, your out banging some guy every other week and you're angry. I said you pushed and pushed and you had to know I was going to react. I said see if he is willing to put up with your crap. See if he's willing to care for your kids and all that. I said 6 months from now when your with him and your out traveling, what's he going to be thinking? What are you going to think when he's traveling? Your relationship is predicated upon a lie. It's immoral and wrong. That's a real solid foundation you have there. I told her to just go. That she made her decission, I'm moving ahead. I said in two months when this is all done and your alone and penniless, you'll realize how bad you F-ed up. Some people need to hit rock bottom before they can come back. I cannot remember the last time I lost it like that. Man it felt good. Maybe not Plan A, but sometimes you have to go with the moment. Her parents and sister have already had letters notorized and sent to me for the courts saying she is not fit to have the kids. Three of my neighbors (one an attorney) have also drafted letters along with her best freind, my sisters and my Mother all stating the same thing. Don't worry, she will not know about this. Tell you what though, her tone totally changed in the end.She even alsked if I still wanted a divorce...WTF! It may be over and so be it, but I will roll over no more. When she gets home I'll be nice, but enough is enough.

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Ok, just one problem.

You just backed yourself into a corner and only have two choices.

1. Go see a lawyer and file for divorce/full custody right now.

2. Don't go file and look like a pansey in front of WW.

Back up what you said.

Originally Posted by patriot45
He (OM) is pissed and I don't know what he's going to do. His freinds are all laughing at you and you look like a fool. All this did was drive me to him and by the way, the sex we had last night was the best ever.
Typical WW fog babble.
OM is pissed at her, not you.
They probably did not have SF last night because OM was panicking.
And OM friends are laughing at him, not you.

Last edited by Gack1; 01/20/10 12:22 PM.

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Originally Posted by patriot45
Tell you what though, her tone totally changed in the end.She even alsked if I still wanted a divorce...WTF! It may be over and so be it, but I will roll over no more. When she gets home I'll be nice, but enough is enough.
OK, patriot, you hit the same place I did. Her original comment about you forcing her into OM's arms was typical waybabble. But I can certainly understand how you lost it.

The real question now is: how determined are you to move forward with Plan D? If you still have some thoughts about trying to recover your marriage you've pretty well driven a major sized spike into recovery opportunities. Not that they still can't be overcome, but understand your consequences for blowing up like you did.

I had a similar scene when The Leopard came to move her furniture and belongings out. That she was so petty and greedy on top of everything else I felt she had put me through, I couldn't take it any longer and let her have it with both barrels.

And that closed the door. 97% of me says (and knows) this is a good thing. But there's still a 3% part of me that wonders if it couldn't have gone another way.

What are you going to do now?


Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
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Originally Posted by patriot45
Well, she called and it was UGLY!! I left plan A and went to plan Dude. She called and asked if I was done being crazy. I stuck to the script and said, I know you don't believe me, but I did it to save the marrige. She said "it had the opposite effect. He (OM) is pissed and I don't know what he's going to do. His freinds are all laughing at you and you look like a fool. All this did was drive me to him and by the way, the sex we had last night was the best ever. That was it. I never called her names or anything, but the guns came out. Told her she could have him. She can do whatever she wants, that in two months when she is done with this, she will look back and realize how F-ed up she was. I said I was willing to work on this, but you've gone to far. I said you can make it easy, or make it hard...your call. But you will not get your children, you will pay support, and I will make a decission that is in the best interest of the kids. If it means moving, so be it. Just get out of our lives. Leave me and the kids alone. Crawl back under your rock and continue with your little F-budddy. Her tone totally changed and she says "I'm sorry I said that, I am just angry". Really I said, how rich, your out banging some guy every other week and you're angry. I said you pushed and pushed and you had to know I was going to react. I said see if he is willing to put up with your crap. See if he's willing to care for your kids and all that. I said 6 months from now when your with him and your out traveling, what's he going to be thinking? What are you going to think when he's traveling? Your relationship is predicated upon a lie. It's immoral and wrong. That's a real solid foundation you have there. I told her to just go. That she made her decission, I'm moving ahead. I said in two months when this is all done and your alone and penniless, you'll realize how bad you F-ed up. Some people need to hit rock bottom before they can come back. I cannot remember the last time I lost it like that. Man it felt good. Maybe not Plan A, but sometimes you have to go with the moment. Her parents and sister have already had letters notorized and sent to me for the courts saying she is not fit to have the kids. Three of my neighbors (one an attorney) have also drafted letters along with her best freind, my sisters and my Mother all stating the same thing. Don't worry, she will not know about this. Tell you what though, her tone totally changed in the end.She even alsked if I still wanted a divorce...WTF! It may be over and so be it, but I will roll over no more. When she gets home I'll be nice, but enough is enough.


Ok, THIS IS WAR!! Her saying that sex remark is OVER THE TOP! Go to your attorney TODAY! Start the ball rolling, she will be begging you to back off this DIVORCE. F that B! DUDE

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I hear what you're saying, but there has to be a line that cannot be crossed. I disagree with being backed into a corner. I just got back from the attorneys office and she is in no position to bargin or thump her chest and make demands. She has been calling non stop since I talked to her. I understand what you all are saying about Plan A and all, but when you have someone that is that in your face with it and shows no remorse, they need a wake-up call. If it ends, so be it. I have the letters, I have my kids and I have my dignity. Nothing on my part will change when she gets back. I will be nice. I will not do anything disruptive. But the line has been drawn and it is what it is. She now knows it's real. I did tell her through all my anger that I meant what I told her about fixing it and that the kids and I are still here. But there comes a time when you need to look at the future and move in that direction. She's been absent for a long time and this is just the preverbial straw.

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Agree with dude, you cant threaten D, you have to follow through.

You now run the risk of her filing first which might give her a advantage by getting some kind of court order in regards to the kids.

File, get a temporary custody order before she does.

Here are a few rules...

Never threaten, it limits your options
File first, you can always disolve/cancel the D petition.
Don't tell her what your plans are.




FBH 34 me,FWW 34,
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D-Day#2 2-10-2008
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Take this horrible woman to the cleaners. She is a monster. No mercy.

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