KaylaAndy:

Your stated plan is basically the same as mine (what attorney and I discussed when we met today)except I'm not sure about the working on the marriage part. Haven't decided if I can ever do the things necessary. I need time, but depending on what PI finds, I may be even less inclined.... Guess I'm not the picture of forgiveness ...

LLL, it is up to you what you do. You have every right to try and every right NOT to try.

H came in and sat down at kitchen table. Asked if I wanted a some wine. We both had some and he asked me what I was planning to do. I said what do you mean? He said, I know you, you always have a plan. I told him right now I'm doing nothing but trying to get through each day....I've had a lot of devastating events in my life recently and I am trying to get my head wrapped around how my life has changed. He just looked at me and said, yes, there's been a lot of changes.

He said "I'm sorry you're so unhappy." I wanted to hit him. Then he said, "we can still be friends". I finally snapped at that and said "My friends don't betray me, lie to me, treat me badly...you don't qualify." I got up and walked out. What crap!

That was great.

"I'm sorry you're unhappy"

That's WS babble for "I hate that you're so upset because it makes me feel bad"

Does this mean you discriminate against liars and cheaters when choosing "friends?"

Personally, the "we can remain friends" garbage just has me running for the toilet bowl.

Hell, yes!

You people are sooo intolerant!!

Reaction is totally understandable...keep your head LLL...bite your lip from giving him the tongue lashings he deserves. Rise above! You're sooooooooooo going to get thru this with flying colors.

I'm a lurker...old timer... i've been checking in and reading more of late. You've got the best of the best supporting you. Hang in there....kiss and love your four-legged kid/kids.
ruby

When a cheater says "we can still be friends" he means he wants you to not object while he screws you over. It is a CLASSIC wayward tactic to avoid the consequences of his abuse on his victim.

LLL, you nailed it when you said "friends" don't betray. Who would choose someone for a "friend" who lies and cheats? Only a crazy person!

As usual, The Leopard had to put her unique spin on this tactic: She wanted us to have a "mutually respectful" relationship.

That toilet bowl is about to overflow.

When my H looks me in the face and says "we can be friends" I can't stand by and smile sweetly and say "sure, dear..." It's not in my nature to have bull crap said to me and let it pass. He's going to do whatever he wants no matter what... was before I knew about Hot Pants and continues on now, and I'm not in the mood right now to play sweet docile wife and seductress to a ego-driven, horney old man who's lost his mind and ethics.

LLL,

My then WW wife gave me the "still be friends" line on D-Day right after she confessed. I then broke it to her that if we split up and got a divorce that this would be the result:

1. I would never ever be in the same room with her again. Ever. For any reason.
2. I would never speak to her again. Ever. For any reason.
3. I would never speak of her to the kids. Ever. For any reason.
4. Ask the kids to never speak of her to me. Ever. For any reason.
5. And I told her that she would be dead to me.

Kinda ended that "friends" crap rather abruptly, as you can imagine.

She also said that Pond Scum and I had a lot in common. I didn't say....yeah, you. Showed some self control. She also said Pond Scum had a good heart. I told her that people with a good heart don't bang other men's wives. Ended that line of talk quickly as well.

She was an alien in my wife's body. My wife finally did return, though it did take about ten weeks. It could happen for you, too.

That's if you want it. If you don't, godspeed.

I sort of feel like I'm allowing him to continue to play both sides of the street. Still living in his home, having the surface him look the same in his mind, while leading what he thinks is a secret life. I know, if I expose I blow that double life out of the water.

I just need time to decide if I'd rather use the info discretely to leave the marriage with an advantageous private settlement, or risk trying to recover the marriage through exposure and then lose any bargaining advantage if we don't ultimately reconcile. Its like poker right now. Don't want to give up my hand yet.

You know, I really like dogs. They're loyal, protective, affectionate, always glad to see you, like to cuddle, always want to sleep with you, and love to take long walks. All the qualities my H lacks.

Believe it or not, Ladylonglegs, I had much the same thoughts as you. In my case, I held all the cards though, not just a nice hand.

I had to decide whether I wanted my wife back despite the inherent problems with doing so or whether I wanted to go separate ways.

That issue was almost resolved for me. But first, I made sure we had an agreement in place (it still is). That way, should the marriage not be recoverable, all of the "i"s are dotted and all of the "t"s crossed.

I applaud you for "playing poker" right now, but I caution you that external events can turn your winning hand into a wash in nothing flat.

What I'm trying to say is that I found out my "plans" kept hitting speed bumps and unexpected turns. I got out -- and safely, mostly intact -- but it wasn't the way I planned it.

Make sure you're covered. Remember what John Lennon said: Life is what happens while you're busy making plans.

LLL, MB isn't about agreeing with the junk they spew, you handled that fine, and you didn't get into a pee contest with him over it, you left the room before this happened.
Believe me, I know how hard it is to not go ballistic and smack em'!

WS are crazy. My FWH thought he, OW and I could be friends, he thought I'd like her since we had so much in common. (yeah, my H)
FWH even thought we could send her cards at Christmas.

H is acting strange. Hanging around, lurking almost. When I left the room, he's made several trips back and forth from one room to another and keeps passing by the room I'm in so that I can see him walk by, but I can't figure out what he's doing. Is he trying to spy on me? I'm in my family room obviously on my laptop. He just strolled by again with his hands in his pockets. Doe he want to talk again but can't get up the nerve?

Geez, how stupid can these WSs get...