You sleep in the marriage bed.

She had the affair.

She does not want to share the bed she can sleep on the couch.

Appeal to their senses on behalf of your children. Call BW and see if you can light a fire.

Don't be discouraged by their reactions. Theirs are better than the ones I got. I got "I don't get involved in that kind of stuff." That was my MIL. Although, my SIL left her husband for POSOM and has 2 kids with him and my MIL and FIL cheated all throughout their M, I really shouldn't have expected much more. In my case exposure did nothing really significant except that everyone now knows and my WH and OW were an affair relationship. It is tainted and that's the best I can hope for in the exposure department.

They can't pretend that they fell in love AFTER our M was over because I told EVERYONE. I did total work, friend and family exposure, as well as a pool league and an online game my WH plays. EVERYONE knows and that is all that matters to me.

"I will move back in today, I am about to send her a text letting her know"

Let her know.

Let her know nothing. You just do it. When she says why you here. Tell her its your home and family. Then change the subject. What's for diner? Need help with that?

Then start plan A'ing.

Asking permission just makes you appear weak. Which to women is unappealing.

Okay so let's recap.
1 Pack your things up right now and get going.

2 Walk right in the front door of your house and start moving your things back in.

3 Stay Calm

4 Plan A

5 NO LOVE BUSTING

6 NO THREATS

7 Sleep in YOUR bed tonight. And don't worry about where she will sleep, she's a big girl. (my WH stayed in my bed right up until I Plan B'd him)

That brings you through tonight. Then you can deal with the morning. What will you do in the morning? Some more Plan A. There now you have a plan so start acting on it.

ok I have all my things packed up and I'm heading there now. I know she is going to hound me. "why are you moving back?" because i want to be with my family. "i thought you were going to gradually move back in during our 6 month trial period!" i don't have an answer for that one.

You're still thinking you need an appropriate answer to everything she says. You're thinking you need an answer which somehow justifies you moving in now . You don't. You just need a few pat answers:

- I'm trying to save this marriage
- I'm going to work to save this marriage
- I think this will help the marriage
etc.

So when she says "Why are you moving in now instead of in 6 months?", say "Because I think it's better for the marriage if I move in now."

you guys will be so proud. I moved all my stuff back in and her whole family was in the living room. There jaws dropped to the floor! my wife said "what are you doing"? I said "I"m coming home" she said "don't you think this is a decision we both should have made?" I said "no, this is my home as much as it is yours, I am home now to be with my family and I want to save this marriage" She was just shocked and went to her friends house down the road to stay. She said "what are you going to do if this doesn't work?" I said "im not sure because I plan on saving the marriage" I was short, nice, and brief.

Be proud of yourself.

I forgot to mention that we did converse quit a bit. We talked about the kids, she showed me a laptop she wanted to get with our tax money and she has over $200.00 in best buy gift cards so it will cost about 250 of our tax money.
Which is ok other than the fact she is most likely going to try and sneak conversations with the OM obviously, also I bought a $1200.00 computer with tax money last year. She said "are you not concerned that I am uncomfortable with you being here"? I kind of just brushed it off.
She was very negative in most conversation such as "if we don't stay together I still want to make sure the bills get paid" I am supposed to look for car insurance for us also, which I will do. the entire conversation was mostly her saying "well if things don't work out then...etc.." on almost everything we talked about.

So what is my next step? Just be nice to her, talk to her normally, do things for her around the house, bring her small gifts? should I offer to give her back rubs because I know she loves those, even though I know I won't get anything in return? When do I ask to go out as a family? She knows I don't want her talking to the OM but she don't care, she says "I just want to know what we had was real even if he doesn't want to be together" and "I want closure with him to know what he is planning to do" How do I get her to stop talking to him completely because she DOES want out of the marriage and she DOES NOT want me to stay here. i know thats alot of question but please help guys I'm at a road block now.

Jonpen, can you bring me up to speed here? Has the affair been exposed to everyone? Your family, her family, friends, and children?

If she talks to the OM in your presence, I would interrupt her and ask her to take her affair conversations out of your home. She should not subject you and your children<?> to her affair in the safety of your home. Tell her that her adultery is hurtful.

I would not be offering her "back rubs" and falling all over her. That is inappropriate under the circumstances. Plan B does not mean to REWARD her for cruel, abusive behavior. It only means that you avoid lovebusters and and express a willingness to meet her needs if she ends her affair.

p.s. have you spoken to the OMW and updated her on everything? She needs to know everything your wife is saying about her adultery.

I know it's a very long post but all the details are there. I did expose it to her friends, co-workers, her family, my family, the OM's wife. The OM's wife got on facebook and sent my wife a msg that said "why are you on here, haven't you cause enough pain and humiliation" I wrote the OM's wife on facebook and told her to call me because I don't have her #.
She does not try to contact him in front of me because she does know it hurts me and she said she still cares for me and loves me but isn't in love with me and she doesn't think she could ever be in love with me again. If you can and I know it's long but look over my first few originol posts for ALL the details because there is so much to this.

OKAY, no more talking about the affair or OM, if she starts to talk about OM you should reverse fog-babble her. The only relationship talk should be you stating that you are doing what is best for your marriage and you want to save your marriage.

Read up on everything you can on Plan A and do it. Also read everything you can on Love busters and figure out which ones you do and make a decision NOT to do them. Don't be fake. Don't lie. Be the best you that you can be. Be a man that she would be happy to be with. You are in for a long hard journey. Plan A is hard, Plan B is harder and I have been told that Recovery is harder still.

There is a fine line between Plan A and Plan Doormat. You won't feel comfortable in Plan A but as long as you focus on showing your WW that you can be a great husband and you avoid any love busters, that is the best thing for you right now.

I just looked through her drawers and found some notes she had written to herself. There was about 5 of them the first one saying "I feel like a hole is tearing through my chest, I literally feel the physical pain of it. I am like a ghosts, I don't want to do anything anymore." then the other,
"I love my children more than anything, does this mean I should reconcile with thier father? Do I need to live my life in misery and suffer to make my kids happy, should I stay for the kids and try to be happy when my heart isn't in it? this is what I want but im not ready to do that yet" then 3rd in reference to OM "he told me he loved me and even if we died today I was the love of his life, he called me his black diamond, his everything and said we would be together forever, yet he also says things like what is love? do we really understand love? Sometimes I don't feel love for you" then the 4th in reference to Om again
"is it really this easy for people to walk in and out of my life,everyone is telling me he just used me for sex, he never did love you, amI that hard to love? I am so alone. Everyone is trying to get me to do this and that and I'm being ripped from 10 different directions, everyone tells me go to church, read bible, work things out with husband, what about what I want!?"
These are the letters i just found.
please read over my post, I am back in house tonight and have moved back in but she said she is uncomfortable I am here, and that I didn't consider what she wants by moving back in without saying anything yada yada, fog-babble. so whats my next move?

It's just fog babble. She sounds like a teenage girl. Just focus on meeting her emotional needs and avoiding love busters. Also keep an eye out to prevent contact w/ OM. Eventually she'll realize that OM was just using her for sex and that it wasn't "true love" at all. It will take several months of no contact w/ OM for that to happen.

Just focus on the plan A. Go to the questionnaires on the site. How would you think she would fill the ENs and LBs questionnaires. Go to the Questionnaires link at the top of the page, and discuss some of that on your thread. Maybe we can help you figure out how to better meet your emotional needs right now and where you were messing up before. I would focus my energy on that right now, not interpreting her fogged out letters.

I know that you feel like you have to do huge things but it is little steps that will get you there. You did a HUGE thing today by listening to everyone on here and moving back in to your home. Doesn't that feel right? Am I right in understanding that she has decided to go and stay at a friend's house? She works from home right? If so, won't she HAVE to come back? Just try to focus on Plan A, and try to get some sleep.

I warned you that she would not be happy that you have moved back in because now her "party time" is over. Plan A doesn't mean you avoid making her angry, you just avoid using Love busters. If she gets angry at things, that is her choice. If you are really bored, you can read some threads on here. I did that many times when I was up and there wasn't much traffic on the boards. My thread is 88 pages long. There is a lot of info on Plan A on there. You could look at some of the things on there. http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2309533&page=1

and my other thread http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/u...in=157882&Number=2275439#Post2275439

Good night. I have a 7 year old son's birthday party to throw tomorrow night after school. I need some rest