Yeah, my WW's family knows. But my WW and this cousin have been best friends for life. Everyone knows this cousin is a bad influence, but no one seems to have any influence over their relationship. They are very tight. Talk on the phone everyday. She was the maid of honor at our wedding.

Yesterday in counseling, my WW says she just wants to be single again and take the kids back to NYC.

So, essentially, she wants to move the kids from our 3,000 sq. ft. home, 800 miles away from me, and be a single mom in the most expensive city in the country. Good luck!

She really has lost her mind. I feel so bad for my kids...

She is angling for what she thinks she can get.

The kids. Single life. (It worked really well for her when you were there as a babysitter!) And for you to finance it all with child support.

You need to make her understand that is NOT an option. The kids aren't going anywhere. Never allow her to move out-of-state with your children! She is free to go. But the kids will be staying right where they are - with you.

Her choices are to repair the marriage and family.
Or leave. Be fully prepared to let her leave.

What I meant was, has anyone had a talk with the COUSIN to tell her to stop ruining people's marriages? Surely they can be honest with her? Maybe no one has ever said such things to her, and it will hit her like a ton of bricks.

No one has talked to this cousin. Not sure anyone could get through to her anyway. She's just as crazy as my WW. I also think this cousin feels better about her own terrible marriage when she sees that her best friend's/my WW's marriage is worse than hers.

Gives her a sort of one-up on my WW.

TE, I was trying to SUBTLELY push you to ask her family to talk to this woman! Why not?

Too late. My WW's parents told WW's cousin's mom+dad. They took my WW's side writing a letter that said, "They support her (my WW) no matter what."

BTW: We're going to start with a new counselor tomorrow. Our current one just seems like she's in over her head with this infidelity stuff. We'll be seeing an infidelity specialist now.

Of course, he doesn't take insurance.

Time to lawyer up.

If she absconds one day while you're at work, and you come home to find the kids moved, it will be next to impossible to get a court order to move them back home. PLEASE talk to a lawyer NOW to see what you can do to ensure the children stay in the marital home. This is way more important than your M right now.

Well, I've been in Plan A for 3 weeks now. Survived WW's fury after exposure. Got a new MC who is great. We're getting along, and for the most part, I just find myself just waiting it out.

My WW has now sleeps in our bed again, after she slept on the couch for 3 months. She doesn't mind if I put my arm around her, but that's about it as far as physical affection. We kiss, a little, but she mostly pulls away. She says she's not ready for sex.

It seems like the affair may be over, I'll see what I can find out in our MC session on Thursday.

But as of yet, she has not agreed to NC, nor to recommit to our marriage. And she still talks to her toxic best friend/cousin every day.

One step at a time.

I guess it just takes time.

The fog babble is infuriating, though. Sometimes when I hear it, I just want to scream, "YOU AREN"T MAKING ANY SENSE, YOU CRAZY, SELFISH -----!!!"

But I suck it up.

What really blows is the feeling that I just have to take this whole affair on the chin. Do I want to lose my wife? No. Do I want to ruin my kids lives? No. Well, then tough on me.

Question:

If you've read my post, you'll notice my WW and her cousin wrote a screenplay and filmed it.

The OM stars in the film and it is based on his band.

Since I discovered the A, I have wanted my WW to give up on the completion of this project, because how can she agree to NC, if his image is all over the footage, and there's a good chance they will have to have him rerecord his lines in an audio booth?

Plus, in an email I intercepted when I discovered the A, she had written, "I'm looking at footage of you (OM) right now and it's really making me smile."

But my WW and her cousin insist they have to finish the project. It's the first film they ever shot and they spent a good deal of time and money on it.

I am really in a jam here. They've got these big dreams of becoming filmmakers (delusions of grandeur) and they see me as being a controlling jerk for not wanting them to pursue their dream, but at the same time the movie they want to complete stars the OM!!! If it didn't, I would have no problem with my WW finishing the edit.

Any suggestions?

WW must pull out of this project.

Do not let another nickel of yours be spent on this film.

Plan A Update:

So, since exposure about 5 weeks ago, my WW has been in NC with the OM. She said NC was mutual, but I think it's because he dropped her after I exposed to his parents.

I have been taking good care of myself, the kids, and making the house a warm and inviting place. I'm in great shape. My WW and I are getting along well. And I'm trying to avoid LBs.

But she still won't fully recommit to the marriage. We still have not had sex and she is still pretty foggy at times. I am trying my best, but I'm running out of gas.

What were your conditions for R? Did you tell her that a NCL should be written and sent(by you after you approve it)?

Have you thought about giving DrH a call? I know it seems expensive, but it seems that the people who do it never complain that it wasn't worth it.

Keep up the Plan A, it will be a long hard journey.

How do you know there is NC?

Keep snooping, quietly!

This is a not a sprint, its a cross country race. Be prepared to plan A til the end of May.

WW has to go through withdrawal from the OM before she will be receptive to your actions. And, she needs time to see that your changes are not here short term.

Update a little more often.

No, a letter was not sent. She says they broke off contact several weeks ago after I exposed. In fact, she says the last email she sent him was to apologize for me contacting his parents. I believe her.

Isn't it a little late to send a NC letter now?

I will do my best to ensure she sticks to NC.

Send that NC letter.

Uncalled for WW to apologize to OM for you exposing OM's parents.

You do not know what was exactly sent.

A proper NC letter must be written by WW and checked and mailed by you to the OM.

How about asking the WW if an apology was needed was not by WW to OM but by OM to you for banging WW.

Yeah, I know. I said something like that to her. I also said to her, "How about apologizing to our kids" but she was really foggy at the time. The fog is definitely lifting though and from what I can tell NC is in place.

After installing a trial keylogger, good for 1 week, I just read that my WW is still indeed in contact with OM.

Unbelievable! She just told me two nights ago, she had no contact with him for several weeks now. More lies.