She is using money from her family to pay for it, and we have no family assets worth any amount even close to pay for an attorney. We never had much money, and we don't have many nice things. I know this situation is insane trust me, because it's a given that every couple that divorces hates each other and it's blood guts and WAR in divorce. My wife doesn't hate me and she wants me to succeed as hard as that is for everyone to believe, I actually believe it, not for myself but for the kids. She said she "proposed" and this is funny try not to laugh.... I get the car, we split the debt in half and she makes payments on it until I'm out of school working, She will continue to pay for the bills and i get the MAJORITY of the things in the house. We will share the same bank account until I am out of school working and therefore use what money i need for my gas, food etc... and before when i listed the parenting schedule the days listed as "all day" means overnight also, and the fri that is listed til 10:00 pm is overnight. And truthfully though I don't want to think about it, if she's to the point of dating I will be doing the same, and I am a very confident attractive person so i like to think, I know i have never had trouble getting any women in the passed.

Your wife is the one hurting your kids. You are just using money to help defend your rights and your childrens. She is the one blowing your family money. Besides, if she is broke because of this, then she'll probably just borrow more money from her aunt anyway. They seem to be happy to enable her. Racking up legal fees is actually a good thing in that it will make her be in no hurry to push this divorce through. She'll get to a point where she can't pay her lawyer, and her lawyer isn't going to work for free. If nothing happens, a divorce can be dissmissed. IF you want to stay married, you want this to draw out.

You do not sign or agree to anything without a lawyer. Her lawyer will screw you over. You need a lawyer. It will save you money in the long run by preventing you from getting screwed over in any divorce.

Also she will continue to cover me on her insurance (dental health, medical) I don't know what tomorrow has in store for me guys, none of us know, I am just living it 1 day at a time and I'm not worrying about it or panicking at all. I want to save my M and my family and you all know just as much as her family and my family that I am trying and have tried. There are unique and unusual situations such as mine that permit specific solutions that only someone that has been in this exact situation could understand. ok We know the facts; I am a FT student, my wife doesn't even make enough $$ to afford the bills we have so her family helps us every month.
I have 2 children a 4 year old son and a 2 year old daughter.
I am a handsom, fun loving, all round good person to be with and won't have trouble finding other women if needed
I love my family as much as any other man should love his family, and I am fighting and doing plan A.
I do not have anyone that I can borrow money from for an attorney,
I cannot work because of my kids and school schedule.
I do plan on getting a few free consultations and I am not going to sign ANYTHING from her lawyer until I get another to look at it.
I think that almost sums it up.

oh other facts for thought...
Her aunt owns the house we live in, and we pay her monthly rent, there is no contract or anything, this was just something we agreed upon. My WS's family is financing the divorce. Her family and Her lawyer and herself ARE the ENEMY at this moment. I am still respectful and not rude, but I am firm. So I should NOT go to see her lawyer with her on Fri, even if nothing else but to just listen, because I am fairly intelligent and I know better than to sign ANYTHING he tries to manipulate me into. My wife still has a very good heart (and i know that sickens most of you and you all cringed when I said it) but I do believe it (Thick fog on my part more than likely) but none the less i do believe it. Friday is when she is going and now that I think about it she probably did lie to try to hurt me and said she filed when she didn't because that was the height of her angry outburst. My guess is she is going Fri to file and to start a proposal and wants me there to make sure I am going to agree with it and not fight it.

Jonpen

I think that being you prefer to follow your WW and her aunts advice that you should stop wasting your time here.

Wah Wah Wah. Your wayward wife is upset that she almost ruined his family but she doesn't seem to care that she IS RUINING HER OWN!

Jonpen,
You're going to be in for a rude awakening after the divorce. It will be much easier for you to be evicted from the home when you are not her legal spouse. Also, I don't know of any insurance company that will allow her to keep you on her insurance once divorced. You just don't get to pick your dependents. She's telling you this to get you to play nice because she knows that you want to believe it so badly.

JP- You are being very FOGGY. What I got out of what you wrote today is that you love your W very much. You believe that she still loves you too. All of us BS's on this site try/tried because we love/d our WS's very much, but like I was told
YOUR WIFE IS DEAD TO YOU RIGHT NOW.

I know that is harsh but it is the reality. Everything you have ever known about your beloved wife is gone. She is living on Alien AFFAIR PLANET. Some out of this world alien has replaced your loving wife. She doesn't give a load of BULL about you. She has no good feelings towards you at all. She is lying to you every second.

Before I found this site, my WH told me things like, "I just want you to be you." "Just because I leave and move in with OW doesn't mean that it is over for us." "We can still be friends, it's what's best for the children. Actually we will be more than friends because we have shared so much." "I have hurt you more than anyone else in your life and you must hate me." "Don't take my kids away from me, I love my boys." BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH

He told me the "I love you but I'm not in love with you."speech in September and he didn't plan on moving out until February. Yea, you read that right, I would still be living in the middle of this muck everyday if I didn't listen to the advice on here and ask him to leave as I went in to a dark Plan B. WH's plan was that he would come here when I had to work so he could watch the kids, I would use the truck to drive to work, and when I needed groceries we would go out together and get them. I wonder if he ran these plans past OW(HAHAHAHA I really don't give a poop). Our finances are currently as you almost describe. WH works FT and I work PT in retail(in otherwords I work for PEANUTS). I am going to rectify that.

I came here thinking that my WH wasn't even having an affair. I changed to that he was having an emotional affair until I installed the keylogger on advice from the people on here and found out my WH is in love and has had sex with OW for who knows how long. My fog cleared real quick with that realization. Also, when Pepperband pretty much told me that she wouldn't waste her time helping me anymore if I didn't want to follow MB concepts. She was so right and it felt so much better to go with the program than against.

It is really hard to go through this but you are getting really GREAT advice here. Even if you went and paid for MC you probably wouldn't get such great advice.

PLEASE LISTEN TO THE VETS. ESPECIALLY THE ONES WHO ALREADY DID THE SAME THINGS YOU ARE DOING NOW

Again. YOUR WIFE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. AND ALTHOUGH SHE LOVES THE KIDS, SHE ISN'T DOING WHAT'S BEST FOR THEM EITHER SHE ONLY CARES ABOUT HERSELF. HEED THE WARNINGS.

You are in a much stronger position than you realize. Your WW's family knows this too. That's why they are financing her lawyer because they don't want her to get the short end of the divorce stick.

With you being in school and not working, if you settle for 50/50 with her, chances are she will pay you child support. But, if you agree to what she proposed to you earlier, you WILL HAVE TO PAY HER CHILD SUPPORT. You may have to drop out of school to get a job to pay for the child support.

Your WW is going to want to talk divorce and try and manipulate you into settling with a bad deal. If you can get a free consultation, by all means get one. But, don't be affraid of representing yourself in court. There are a ton of free resources at your courthouse where you can learn what the divorce process is, what the rules are, etc. Don't let her intimidate you with her lawyer.

You say that your WW is a good and loving person and a good mother. If you acquiese to her "generous" offer of a divorce and custody settlement without legal representation of your own, this is what your two and four year old children will have to look forward to for the next sixteen or so years.

The house belongs to your WW's aunt with no signed legal agreement. Her family is so totally in favor of her "happiness" even at the destruction of her family that they are even willing to finance it. How long do you think that they will be willing to supplement her ex's living arrangements and schooling?

I hope that you are truly in a state of fogged shock because you would have to be unbelievably naive to believe any of that. Please, Jon, we are trying to help you save yourself and your children.

God's Blessings,

Say

listen guys, I'm sorry! I'm emotional and I don't know what i'm doing.

That is exactly the point. You are emotional and when you make decisions based on those emotions, sometimes the outcomes aren't what is best for you. Ultimately at the end of all of this, it is up to you what to do. Afterall, you are the one who will be living the consequences. But if you really want to try to save your M and do it the MB way, I would suggest that you start listening to what you have been told on here.

I know, and you all know I have listened to EVERYTHING and I have been doing plan A up until today. I can't stand being in the fog and knowing that I am. I let her walk on me, ruin my family, and I let her family do the same thing, NO MORE! She told me she didn't file for divorce because they couldn't find a lawyer so they are trying to find one they can go see soon. I will find a way to get my own lawyer, somehow and I will fight for my kids,
I am not going to show mercy because guys...did she show me any? did she show my family mercy when she commited adultery? did she show me mercy knowing even after that I still wanted to save our M? NO!!! She didn't! My wife is gone, gone. God rest her soul I am going to miss her, and now i have this demon in her place I have to deal with. I will meet with a lawyer ASAP and see how things will play out, but..... for the meantime while i am still in this house, plan A

Jon,

Your WW is still deep in a fog. She has this fantasy of what her life could be like if only she could get rid of you rather amicably while retaining your friendship for babysitting purposes. Read lots of other threads on here. I will not kid you, some waywards never come out of it but many do.

It is normal for you to swing violently back and forth emotionally like this but you need to try to regain some control. We have all been there and are trying to help you to gain some confidence in what you are trying to accomplish. Your situation is not unique. Change a few names and facts and it is identical to the stories that have bben posted on here as long as I have been reading. Try to settle down, pray and know that you have support.

God's Blessings,

Say

I didn't think that she could have possibly filed for a D already. It was a weekend and unless she or a member of her family had a lawyer as a personal friend, none work on the weekend. She is lying to you to get you to be complacent and get what she wants. WS don't think of anyone but themselves. She is an addict. Even if she is not in an active A, she is still in a FOG. Think about what a cocaine addict would do to get a fix. Even if they were told that that next fix would kill them, many addicts would still choose the drug.

This anger and resentment you feel right now is okay, just remember that this is the place to vent it. DO NOT LB her right now. It would undermine your Plan A work to date. That was one way I got myself to keep going because I didn't want all of the work that I had done to that point to be for not. That is what I still tell myself daily. I put up with the abuse and pain(and believe me there was a LOT of pain in my Plan A especially when I came home from work and my WH left to be with POSOW and then came home and climbed into bed with me ) for x number of days and I wasn't going to screw it up or I shouldn't have tried at all and just D in the beginning.

Plan A is not easy, it is HARD AS HECK. Plan B in ways is harder. I have been told that Recovery is even harder still but I am a firm believer that anything worth having is worth working for so I am ready.

Scotland, his WW has admitted that they have not found an attorney. It was all a bluff.

God's Blessings,

Say

She probably *won't* file. You should still get free consultations with the baddest lawyers around, though. Once they've met with you they can't represent her. Muah hah hah hah hah!

Oops. Sorry Scot. Just reread your post. I was watching TV with one eye. (-:

God's Blessings,

Say

SNM- I knew that when I posted. I knew that the moment JP wrote that earlier today. I was just trying to re-enforce for him the fact that she is still lying to him and that all of the things she told him that she was going to give him, etc was most likely a lie too.

this WW is evil....through her kindness....she will have his [censored] on a platter....all those promises she has given you, so you can go away quietly and into the night, can be broken. What are going to do? Go back to court to force her to pay CS , custody time, or keep you in the house - but there is no money.

As sson as you sign - aunt or XW says you need to go.

She is using threats to agree to D by giving promises that all will not change. Need to remember - at this time - she and her family want you to be replaced.