No good reason to wait given.

Expose now

I need to track down OM. I feel by hitting him first, I can get a confession (using "I know"), and use that as my proof. Or, I could just not bother creating this cover to protect my snooping and go with "I have my sources".

If I start exposing, word will get back to WW, and she can warn OM et al. I somewhat justify the delay by reasoning I might not have even found out for 48 hours.

However, the advice here has always been rock solid, so if the consensus is I just need to git 'er done, I will start picking up the phone ASAP.

Since this is not my first exposure (sadly), I feel I need to up my game and execute really well. Since WW knows the routine, I need to make sure I have the advantage of surprise and strong execution. Flood the zone.

I also have some practical considerations, like work commitments et al. I am clearing the deck as best I can so that commit fully to this when I hit the button.

Advice welcomed!

So you're two months into Plan A, is that about right?

Have you started making your lists for Plan B? How are you holding up?

You don't have to reveal any of your sources... If you KNOW about OM2, proceed with confidence. What will you do differently from the first time you exposed? What do you hope to accomplish? How do you think her reaction will differ?

DO expose, but it would be immediately followed by a Plan B letter, IMO. She's abusing you.

I am sorry.

I am closer to one month into real Plan A.

I am doing ok, getting lots of support and taking care of myself. I am nowhere near my best though. The support and advice I have received here has been extremely valuable, as you all *get it* in a way no one else does.

Plan B seems like it is on my horizon. I am really struggling to find a good reference for what plan b is, and how to execute it. It is not covered in the books. I have no lists etc.... what lists?

What will be different this time is I will be way more organized and direct with my exposure. Especially with the most important targets (which is probably the kids). Last time I did a good job with OM, but not so much with the kids, or *all* the other important influencers. I got better as I went along, but had tackled the most important ones first. Sadly, my experience will make me better this time.

I am hoping for having a healthy relationship, in whatever form that is. If she is capable of reconciliation work, I would consider that with healthy skepticism.

I think I will do a better job with the kids this time, and that will affect her more. I also know this OM is not a serious thing, and that she is on the ropes in many facets.

Currently, my biggest challenge with Plan B is that I am not sure how I would "kick her out" of the matrimonial home. Legally, she is entitled to be there.

Continued thanks for your guidance.

Okay well I am by no stretch a vet but I am in Plan B. Plan B is the next logical step that you take after you have done a solid Plan A and the A has not ended. It is the way that the BS gets out of the WS's drama and saves any remaining LB balance for the day that R comes if possible. It is totally for the BS. It also makes the AP become totally responsible for meeting all of the needs of the WS, thus putting more pressure on the A as "reality" has to creep in.

If you are going to go in to Plan B, you have to "get all of your ducks in a row" The first thing you have to do is find an IM to deal with any communications between you and your WW. They should be neutral. Here is Melodylane's post on this
http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2264548#Post2264548

You have to get the visitations set out and financial information set out in advance. Many people consult a lawyer to find out all of their legal rights.

Then you will choose a date to do this and you will Plan A until that date.

Write a Plan B letter and post your draft on here for input from the vets. You will also need to know what conditions your want her to meet for M recovery.

As far as how you get her out of the marital home, I can only tell you what I did. The day I chose for the beginning of my Plan B, my WH was at work. I had mentally prepared a list of the things I had to pack away(only his personal belongings) and I had a friend get some boxes ready at her home for that morning. I took the kids to school and then I came home and packed all of his things and put them on the porch. My Plan B letter was written with a copy hidden behind a family picture that I packed in his things as well as 3 small photo albums of family pics.

He came home early but I stood my ground and told him that his affair was hurting me too much and I could not allow myself to continue to be hurt anymore and I had to ask him to leave. It took 1/2 hour of me repeating what I had stated for him to finally say, "So this is it?" and I said, "Yes." and then I asked him for his house key and he gave it to me. It was THE single hardest thing I had ever done in my life but it felt right and I don't regret it one minute.

The better you are prepared for Plan B, the better you feel going in to it. My advice would be just to prepare yourself fully so there will be no doubts. There will be fear but just come on here and someone will help you out of that.

Thanks for the Plan B guidance. I will continue to educate and prepare myself for this possibility. I wish there was a definitive guide available I could buy!

I do not think it is a possibility for WW to go to OM's place if I give her the boot, as it is more of a one night stand type of situation.

As an update, I have found OM's workplace (and lots of other details), and will be visiting him there ASAP.

I need some ideas around how best to get OM at work. He is a professional, and I will be interrupting him at his office. I have no idea what I will be walking into. I need some ideas about plausible schemes to use to get to him. Is it as easy as "an urgent personal matter"? Anything else I should be thinking / considering?

I'd not be putting all of my eggs in OM's basket, basing Exposure on your call with him. He may not admit to anything, and if he did, are you recording him (which may not be legal)? If not, it's still just your word against his.

Is he married? I'd be more apt to expose to his BW first, compare notes. She'll be of more help.

OM will just call everyone and warn them that 'some crazy guy will be calling'. He'll be on the phone with your WS before you hang up!

What is your plan? Call OM, then... ?
How will this exposure be different than the last?

99.99% of the time it is a waste to talk to the OM.

99.99% of the time they won't tell you the truth.

You can't threaten without the risk of legal problems.

Much better and more effective targets the the OM.

You've got that right.

Just did OM. It was a one night stand, and he was fully open / confessed to me very quickly. I have him by the professional balls so to speak, so I am not too worried about him contacting her anymore. Sadly, I am have gotten good at exposure and threatening OM, having done it twice. Ugh.

Kids next. Then the rest of the list.

So, I am about to head home and WW is there. I suppose I should do the kids first, then should I talk to her before hitting the rest of my list, or just hit the list?

My instinct tells me to just hit the list.

However, the kids may cause a confrontation with her, which I am not afraid of, I just want to get the order right. On one hand, I feel if I confront her she may leave which will make the rest of my job easier.

What do you all think?

I did OM first to get proof so as to not ruin my snoop.

Now, I am not sure which way to proceed. Whoever I expose to next is likely going to engage WW, and then I will have to deal with her directly, which will impair further exposure. I feel that ideally I create a situation where she is out for a few hours so I can get my work done, and then deal. But I may be confused and not thinking straight.

Thoughts?

Never tell the WW you are going to expose.

Right, so, is it best to wait until I can get 2-3 hours unfettered to go for it? If I start now, her phone will ring, and it will be a mess. I feel I can control my environment tomorrow AM better and get a good couple of hours in from a remote location.

I know it is going to be messy either way, I just want to make sure I get the top 10 done at least. Am I focussing on the wrong things?

I am through 7 key exposures (not counting OM) and WW know nothing. About 10 more to go.

I have asked people not to contact her until after 5PM so that I can have the kids home and safe, and so that the tsunami effect is full.

Her father is coming over to support me at that time.

OM has de-friended her on FB.

This is great news, mfoss, and I'm glad you have a plan to "synchronize watches." Let's hope no one takes her side and blows your timing. Even still, with you working the "tsunami effect," I think it wouldn't hurt things.

???

How do you know this?

I have done my best to optimize things, and I am keeping sensitive targets until later, when she will not be reachable. Also, I have good reason to ask them to not blow my cover, getting the kids home safely.

If someone blows my timing, so be it. At this point I have gotten to the point of no return, and feel I am prepared for whatever happens.


It is easy to tell. By looking at his profile, I can see if we have any mutual friends. We used to. We do not anymore.

Attaboy, mfoss! I'm rooting for you!!!