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I just got off the phone with her, went so-so. I was in a somewhat honery mood, so I was being playful and trying to make light of everything. She was having none of it and when I continued, she got madder. She kept saying we're done, there is nothing left. She was mad at hell that I called the hotel, but I said it was a natural reaction. She ranted and raved about what an a-hole I am. I said, well, lets just try and be civil. I said you have made your position crystal clear; you have been back in contact with him, you don't want anything to do with me, so lets just try and be nice until we figure things out. Lot's of fillers, not much else. She hung up and sent a text to me....U Suck!...Nice. I responded with I love you. Then she sent you don't get to act all crazy and expect no response i.e calling a hotel and asking if she was staying there????. To which I said I'm not crazy, I'm in love. I love when I get in these moods because it's like teflon. Say what you want, I'm not going to be bothered. The only thing that made me mad is she called her best freind and told her I was stalking her at her hotel. Her friend thinks I'm the worst person since her x-husband. I said, did you tell her why? She said no, she's my friend. Funny, through all this I have been accepting responsibility and she is telling her friends I'm a stalker and acting crazy. Well, I guess it doesn't matter. Her friend lives in Tennesse and I have never met her. Crazy-Crazy-Crazy!! You are getting caught up in the drama. These back and forths are not helping your situation. As much as you know you are in the right, don't try and convince her and don't act self-righteous about it. Don't talk about your relationship, don't talk about your snooping, if her friend knows, etc. These are all love busters. Just let it go. Suck it up for as long as you can and then go to plan B when the time is right. You will be much more effective if you do this.
Jim BS - 32 (me) FWW - 33 Married 8/31/03 No kids (but 3 cats) D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA) NC agreed to - 11/8/06 NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07 Status - In Recovery Jim's Story
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Good job, Patriot. I believe I would find a way to contact that Tennesse friend. Any support for her present behavior that you can weaken is a plus for your M.
God's Blessings,
Say
Me, BW-57
FWH 54
4 kids and 4 grandbabies between us
In recovery since D-day, May 28,2007
FWH never onboard the MB boat but still clinging to the side.
One day at a time by God's grace.
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I hear ya, but for each person a differnt response is warented. She is a very assertive person, but she is also secretly insecure. She likes when she can push and soe not like being pushed back. She was all mad because I called the hotel and why would I do this? I (for some reason) explained that she had a problem with role reversal. She said I am just crazy...so on and so on. She sent me that text about u-suck and u-don't get to act all crazy and don't expect me to react. I then sent an e-mail that said I know you hate me right now, but I love you...... sleep well. Her response, "this is productive"? Actually, yes! I know she is all F-ed up about my responses. I wish I could hold this feeling because it's such an enlightenment. Let's see what tomorrow brings.
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She's all mad because she knows now that you're not about to be deceived about where she is. IOW, she's going to get caught, and she's trying to bully and intimate you into letting her go back to sneaking around behind your back, thinking everything's good.
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Her friend in Tennesse won't help. I know she's the strongest influence on her and I know she's telling her to get out. She thinks I'm a stalker because I called the hotel, not knowing why I did it. Problem now is she is very angry and not thinking strait at all. She usually calls all day long, today..nothing. This is how I see tonight playing out when she gets home. She going to tell me we're done. I am filing for a divorce tommorrow. I want you out...so on and so on. I bought a recorder because she is prone to outburst of anger and does not care who's around. I have a real bad feeling that it's going to take an ugly turn.
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I just got off the phone with her Who called who?
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I think you need to just cut off communication. Nothing you can say at this point will make her see what a jerk she is.
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Her friend thinks I'm the worst person since her x-husband. Your wife told you this, right?
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You have no idea what her friend thinks unless told directly by her friend.
Your WW is not a reliable source of data at this time.
She's hysterical and she's upset.
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Pat, this is how it's going to be for a bit. If the OM is truly going to back off as he said he will, then your WW is going to continue through withdrawal, and that's going to take a while. She's going to be angry, sullen, despondent, emotional - just a general wreck. However, every time there is contact, you set the clock back on your progress (how far depends upon the extent of the contact) .
IMO, I think you should call OM again (or was it OMGF...) and get him out of her life, for good. Your WW does not seem to realize what a d-bag this guy is and you can't make her see it, either. Time will do that but only if strict NC is in place.
BH - age 33
WW - age 33, pregnant w/OC, due Jun. 2010
M - 12 yrs
DS x3 (12, 6, 2)
DD x1 (8)
D-day 9-9-09
Plan D - Divorce Papers served 11-12-09
WW moved in w/OM 1-30-10 (DS12 Bday)
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Well, I just wrote her good friend about what's happening. I really feel that reconciliation may not happen, but I'm worried about how she reacts. I don't want her to come home all crazy and stuff, so hopefully her friend can help. She has an exsplosive personality and in her state, she may do something crazy. I hope not, this is already to ugly.
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Pat, ""She was mad at hell that I called the hotel""I do not understand why she is so angry that you called the hotel. Does she personally know the person at the hotel and is so deeply humiliated??  That being said, why on earth would the person at the hotel call her?? Giving her a heads up that "there could be a problem in paradise??" Does she stay there alot? If this is just between you and her then her blowing up is a smoke screen for something else. Sounds like she likes to hear herself scream. Methinks she protests too much.  kirk
CORDUROY PILLOWS ARE MAKING HEADLINES!!
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""wrote her good friend about what's happening""VERY AWESOME!!  This is the continued exposure that results from trying to stop the A. Exposure to close friends is on the list. You may want to hunker down a little further, cause it will probably be getting uglier, before it starts getting pretty. kirk
CORDUROY PILLOWS ARE MAKING HEADLINES!!
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No, they thought I was a stalker. So they called her and her company....idiots. I can't begin to tell you how much this has hurt. I know her and when she gets home tonight she will be ready to end it for good. Her job is her life and she feels they have been involved.
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If this M goes down, go down swinging.
You 'da man !
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Pull it together Pat. You are getting sucked into the looney tunes world of waywards. Stop trying to explain stuff to WW and worrying about how she will react to this or that. Take a step back and regroup.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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No, they thought I was a stalker. So they called her and her company....idiots. I can't begin to tell you how much this has hurt. I know her and when she gets home tonight she will be ready to end it for good. Her job is her life and she feels they have been involved. Did you not say you were her husband? As much as I traveled in the past - my wife would call me at my room. There were times that the city I traveled quite a bit that I couldnt stay at the normal Courtyard and stayed down the road. I am sure she may have contacted them at one time or another. On the surface and all things being equal - its not terribly strange to try to locate your spouse in a hotel. Your WW is now making me feel crazy.
Me:52
W: 52
Married: 32 yrs
2 Sons (29 & 23)
1 Dtr (20)
1 GDtr (2.5) precious little girl
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Have you put a GPS on her vehicle?
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