Ya we are staying in the same house again, she does refuse to sleep in the same bed though, and most days have went ok. We NEVER fight or argue anymore she has just closed herself off to me 100%.
I told her today that I liked the jeans she was wearing she said "you always hated these and told me they were baggy" I said "I just like the way they fit around your legs now because I can tell you have lost alot of weight" she said "that doesn't even make sense because I know you really don't like these" I said "well maybe it's just because I am noticing you more now" she is starting to look physically more attractive, she has lost 20 lbs and is still losing. I see a dark plan B in the near future.

She is staying the same house again That will make doing a solid Plan A a lot easier.

I am sorry that you are sick and dealing with a Plan A. That must be rough.

As far as what happened with the pants, personally I would have dropped the compliment and when she said, "I know you don't mean it because you used to say you hate these pants." I would have responded with something like, "well, I don't know what I was thinking because you are HOT in those." and maybe even giving her a wink and a pinch if I were so bold.

Ya she is staying in the same house just not the same bed I am doing an awesome plan A but again I KNOW it will come down to a plan B. An odd thing happened yesterday though when she went grocery shopping she bought all MY favorite groceries, she even bought me a thing of beef jerky which she doesn't even eat.
She ignores me and is rude to me while she is here most the time lately, before she was at least nice and would joke around with me, now she is rude and hateful. The thing is she doesn't hate me at all, she even says she still loves me, but she doesn't want to be married to me and she doesn't think we could EVER be happy together. Plan A continues. It is supposed to snow ALOT so that means we will be stuck in this house together for awhile

Hey Jon, I was just wondering, what are you going to school for?
In other words what are you taking, what degree are you going for?
I'm just curious, I have asked once or twice, but you never replied.

Deep snow is one of the reasons the good Lord invented 4x4's, lockers, and Mud Tires

Warning
Use of locking differentials and Mud tires on lightly snow/ice covered roads can cause unwanted driving characteristics. For roads covered in less then 12" open differentials or mild limited slip differentials with a quality All-Terrain are recommended. We recommend having two vehicles, one for light snow outfitted accordingly, one for deep snow also outfitted accordingly.

"when she went grocery shopping she bought all MY favorite groceries, she even bought me a thing of beef jerky which she doesn't even eat"

Plan A is working. Her actions mean more than her words. She's home, she's shopping.

I agree

You did thank her, yes?

I am going into Biomedical Technology, I will be out in another year and half. I did thank her. Today something funny just happened, she works from home and she kicked out the plug in on the modem,
she didn't know what happened to the internet so I was on the phone with tech support forever and then I finally noticed what happened, We had a real good laugh over that and she felt like an idiot.

I heard from her aunt today she is still 100% going to file. At what point do I go to plan B? I am the one going to be forced to move.
Also anyone have any links to the sample plan B letters just out of curiosity?

Also, she never left home she went and stayed at her aunt's 1 night then came here. so she has BEEN home the whole time. I am just going to keep on giving my best plan A and sit back and watch what she plans to do then react. If she files and I agree with everything should I accept it or should I find a reason to contest it? If I can agree it will save me about $2500.00 which I don't even have in the first place.

File first, Jon.

Don't move out unless you're forced out. It is considered abandonment if you leave and she'll get the kids and you can then pay to fund her lifestyle and time with OM.

You are not forced out of the house until cop or judge says so.

I know, thats what I'm saying I am not going anywhere until I am forced out. I would like to look at some sample plan B letters just for something to pass the time.

poppycock
Sounds like the Aunt is the one gunning for divorce!
Let me guess, she has at least one D under her belt.

When you are forced to move, or WW leaves,or actually files.

Not on me, have you tried to use the search function?

I'll look for them for you if I get time.

Try this Jon
http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2312940&page=1

Thanks buddy. I noticed today she is still searching for Daily horoscopes and looking through online tarot cards etc... This has always been something majorly against our religion and yet she is still doing it because it was something the OM was big into....... Who knows. How am I supposed to treat her exactly? I mean I am being polite but do I treat her like I'm a polite roommate or like she is the queen of the earth? I used to write her poems alot, when we were dating. I haven't told her I love her since this has been going on other than when we sit down and talk and I tell her I still love her with all my heart. and yes Gack her aunt is pushing it BIG TIME!

I read those plan B letters, very touching. I'm sure mine will be similar.

can you please look at my previous post as to how im supposed to treat her while im here.

Jon,

Treat her like a polite roomate. Treat her like you're carrying on with your life and that she's not the center of it. She'll notice the withdrawl and seek your affection.

Here's the 180, which is a guide. They're not hard and fast rules, but an overall guide.

"180 is a list of behaviors from Michelle Wiener Davis, the author of Divorce Busting, that will help your spouse to see you moving forward as a healthy person. I would highly suggest that any new BS begin these behaviors as soon as possible. I am convinced that if I had implemented them, I would still be married. In retrospect, I did everything besides 180. I looked pathetic. No one wants to be perceived as pathetic. 180 makes you look strong. Strong is attractive. (Making it)

So here's the list:

Don't pursue reason, chase, beg, plead or implore.
No frequent phone calls.
Don't point out "good points" in marriage.
Don't follow her/him around the house.
Don't encourage or initiate discussion about the future.
Don't ask for help from the family members of your WS.
Don't ask for reassurances.
Don't buy or give gifts.
Don't schedule dates together.
Don't keep saying, "I Love You!" Because if you have a brain in your head, he/she is at this particular moment, not very loveable.
Do more then act as if you are moving on with your life; begin moving on with your life!
Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and independent.
Don't sit around waiting on your spouse - get busy, do things, go out with friends, enjoy old hobbies, find new ones! But stay busy!
When home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation) be scarce or short on words. Don't push any issue? No matter how much you want to!
If you're in the habit of asking your spouse his/her whereabouts, ASK NOTHING. Seem totally uninterested.
Your partner needs to believe that you have awakened to the fact that "they (the WS)" are serious concerning their assertions as to the future (or lack thee of) of your marriage. Thus, you are you are moving on with your life? with out them!
Don't be nasty, angry or even cold - Just pull yourself back. Don't always be so available? for anything! Your spouse will notice. More important, he/she will notice that you're missing.
No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment? Make yourself be someone they would want to be around. Not a moody, needy, pathetic individual but a self assured individual secure in the knowledge that they have value.
All questions about the marriage should be put on hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may not be for quite a while). Initiate no such conversation!
Do not allow yourself to lose your temper. No yelling, screaming or name calling EVER. No show of temper! Be cool, act cool; be in control of the only thing you can control? YOURSELF!
Don't be overly enthusiastic.
Do not argue when they tell you how they feel (it only makes their feelings stronger). In fact, refuse to argue at all!
Be patient and learn to not only listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you? HEAR what it is that they are saying! Listen and then listen some more!
Learn to back off, keep your mouth shut and walk away when you want to speak out, no matter what the provocation. No one ever got themselves into trouble by just not saying anything.
Take care of you. Exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil.
Be strong, confident and learn to speak softly.
Know that if you can do this 180, your smallest CONSISTENT action will be noticed far more than any words you can say or write.
Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are feeling totally desperate and needy.
Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse. It's not always about you! More to the point, at present they just don't care!
Do not believe any of what you hear them say and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives and do so in the most strident tones imaginable. Try to remember that they are also hurting and afraid. Try to remember that they know what they are doing is wrong and so they will say anything they can to justify their behavior.
Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel. It "ain't over till it's over!"
Do not backslide from your hard earned changes. Remain consistent! It is the consistency of action and attitude that delivers the message.
When expressing your dissatisfaction with the actions of the wayward party, never be judgmental, critical or express moral outrage. Always explain that your dissatisfaction is due to the pain that the acts being committed are causing you as a person. This is the kind of behavior that will cause you to be a much more attractive and mysterious individual. Further it SHOWS that you are NOT afraid to move on with your life. Still more important, it will burst their positive little bubble; the one in which they believe that they can always come back to you in case things don't work out with the OM/OW."

HTLD, could you please post this to Patriot. I think he really needs it.

God's Blessings,

Say

Wow, thanks for the guide there. Yesterday was interesting to say the least. Me and the WS took the kids out and played in the snow, my WS kept daring me to do all these things on the sled which I did most of them because it was fun We played in the snow and me and her rode the sled together (just us) a few times and she had a real good time with the family.

I let her wear alot of my snow gear which most of the time I would get mad if she wore my stuff. Even little things i would used to get upset over doesn't bother me, like i would HATE it and fuss when she would use my brush to brush her hair, yesterday she asked if I knew where a brush was and I gave her mine.
She said "you HATE it when I use your brush" I said it's no big deal I can just clean it out when I use it (because she gets ALOT of hair in it) after we played in the snow I went out to eat with some friends and I got REALLY dressed up and put on some nice cologne, when I got home she was in a REALLY good mood and said "Jon come here, look what I got the kids!" and she showed me these toys she had been looking for for a few months that she finally found.
Then once we tucked the kids in I went in our bedroom and started watching tv, she came in there and seen a show she said was interesting so I turned it on because I couldn't find anything else to watch, and me and her sat in our bed and watched it together. It was called "big love" if anyone has ever heard of it. She spent like 30 mins explaining the show and who all the characters were and we just talked, every time she spoke i made a point to look in her eyes which is not something I ever did before.
I know it doesn't sound like much but until yesterday my WS pretty much ignored me 100% when we were in the house together and she pretty much made a point to stay in the opposite room.
I don't want to get my hopes up because I still think she is dead set on filing, but at least we were able to have a good time yesterday.

The bad news is she has to go on site and work today to get updates for her computer (normally she works at home) The OM works on site and he now works in a different dept and I overheard her talking to her best friend saying how she would love to talk to him but doesn't think she will be able to since everyone at work knows whats going on, She laid out her nicest clothes and is going to get REALLY fixed up before she goes in. I have a few friends that do work there and they are going to be watching for me to see if they talk. the OM has not contacted her AT ALL and he even removed her as a friend on facebook. She was in a VERY bad mood for like 2 days after that happened.
What do you all think is going through her head right now?