I know you aren't my husband. He is an honest person. you are not.

44 45 pages and counting..

seriously. If you are young and really really want help. Don't try to handle this without talking to your husband first.

Then do some counselling and research about what the chemistry of sexual intercourse creates between two people and why adultry is such a damaging issue.

Its time to get seriuos about this. Don't bury it and hope it all goes away.

I would avoid the friends untill you get it together with husband.

He has to be the most important person in your life. He belongs to you and you to him. Don't try to escape this reality.

lokil I can see that.

As to everything in the end being fine. Well, in a lot of cases it is and in a lot of cases it isn't, but it took everything those people had. 2 years is the minimum time for most people to even feel or be normal again. Your marriage is very young and your H may make the decision that you aren't worth being married to. That's his right to make that decision. Yes, I know that makes it even harder to think about telling him but marriage isn't just for a couple of years. It's for the long haul.

You married your H, you obviously married him thinking you'd be married forever - I hope so anyway. If your marriage is going to be a great marriage, a happy marriage with kids and dogs and all the other stuff, it has to be an honest marriage. If you are a good person and not a heartless person, this secret will rot you from the inside.

Hypothetical question after 45 pages;

Lokil...say you go by your "friend's" house with a bottle of chablis and "oops" she isn't there, but her H is. He invites you in and says his W is out shopping for an hour.

You (fill in the blanks).

I never go knocking on their door without calling first.

Good for you. I'm glad your etiquette extends that far...guess just not far enough to not bang your friend's H. But, ok...I'm done playing this silly back and forth with this one.

Good luck and stay the heck away from my husband.

I never go knocking on their door without calling first.

So polite! Did you remember to ASK THE WIFE FIRST before knocking boots with her husband????

Helpful as always Bubbles

Dont you see there are some people telling you that they did what you did and are on their way to working on a great M....and they are telling you how to go about it...It is not a point of view that you are getting here. It is advice from people who have lived through this and in addition have seen stories countless times on this website.

Telling is the ONLY right thing to do, not perhaps....It is the only way your M will be okay, and if your H decides he doesnt want to stay married to you, then he deserves that choice, please care about him more than yourself. He deserves to know....and so does the Wife of your friend.

"How about I never be in a room with him alone much less while drunk."

No no no no no!

When are you going to get it NC forever now?

This isnt the "How many MBers does it take to make me unscrew my friends husband". You have done the damage, it is not gonna go away. I think everybody on MB has tried to help save you and your Marriage, if it can be saved at all..This is your best chance.

"they are my best friends my business partners you dont get it "

You don't get it. Oh how the full story drips out ever so slowly.

You are going to either buy them out, or sell out to them. Only way to have NC.

Yet, we all keep coming back for more...especially me...I think because I just want to save these two marriages because she is here at the beginning....but she is gonna wait until it is a LTA...I keep coming here thinkn she will get it...

If it were my WH here I would want people to do this to him...but I think this might be hopelss...Just pray everyone, thats all we can do I guess.

On the outside chance that what we are dealing with is someone with all the lights on and nobody home.

I hope that you are here lok to find out what to do. Many of us have expressed our distain for your loose standards in your relationships and what seems to be a seriuos lack of morals.

Maybe you have a lot of guts but never listened to anyone your whole life and now after this seriuos car accident you think you can go back and fix it easily. What ppl are telling you is that its harder than you think. You have to protect yourself before you act. It won't do any good to put the kids in the carseat after you have a headon collision.

So in that spirit I will say this. The 2x4s that have been leveled at you are part of this bootcamp you have dived into to help you. Your concepts need to be broken down and rebuilt because you are dangerous to the troops. The troops being your Husband and friends.

You probably think that all can be forgiven and forgotten but what you don't know yet is what will happen over time to you, your husband, and your friends. If this is not dealt with out in the open and you don't drastically change how you operate in your marriage you and they will suffer.Your youthful strength will wane and all the denial in the world will not speak loud enough in your head as you age to drown out the mistakes. You will either stand up and deal with this now like a Woman with guts and spirit or you will lie to cover a lie to cover a lie till reality is just some concept with no depth and it is too late to repair your life.

I warn you about this because you asked what you can do and you asked how. I could give you the "Its gonna be alright dear" speech and seem like a freind but I would rather be a freind and tell you the truth.

That being said do some thinking, reading, and seek counsel. I recommend the Doc H because he will be straight with you and he knows his Sheit. Any help for you will be better than tring to change the rules of what a marriage is to fit your "beliefs" on what you want it to be.

I don't know if you believe in God or respect the wisdom of the bible but this was allways an interesting point I found in it. Adultry is the only act that God says is a good enough reason to divorce. Figures right? Sex is the most personal act you can do with someone else and it creates life. It is intended to be shared with a mate and be respected but the world uses it to sell make-up and clothes and popularity contests. Many ppl fall into the pits of self-abuse and use their bodies like a toy. The act of making love is blessed in the marital union before God. Why even try to be married before God if you don't want to respect what it means to be married? I am talking about the spiritual union here, not just the legal mandates given out by the state which basically just act as animal control rules. This site is dedicated to the higher spiritual law of marriage whether the ppl are christians or buddists it doesn't matter.
God as we know him has given us rules that apply to marriage based on natural law that we all are subject to. You can try to get around them but you will be wasting your time.

Time to rethink what you believe in and what you can expect to come from your actions. Adultry does not have to end a marriage but it takes complete honesty and a lot of work to overcome the damage. Anything less than total commitment will leave areas that are empty that are supposed to be full.
You get ou of it what you put into it. You reap what you sow.

Think about what was writen here and stop responding with half baked ideas like "making it even" and "Fixing it" with His wife.

lokil

However attacked you feel in here just do yourself one favour today, go look at the profiles of the people that are advising you and just think about what their motives are cause you seem to be thinking they are here to take their own issues out on you and thats just not the case. Look at the vets who have been here YEARS and YEARS and years, who have selflessly helped tons of people with good sound advice and then cut the sarcasm. I have no doubt you feel bad but its not their fault they were called to help by your post and thats what they are doing. Who do you think is thinking more clearly right at this moment? you the person who is falling apart or them the people who have sorted their lives out and are happily recovering from an Affair?

How many people replied to your post?? How many people are telling you the same thing? do you think that maybe just maybe your right and 30-40 people are wrong??

They have such a great understanding of Affairs and how they happen its sad that you seem to have convinced yourself that you are somehow "Different" or that your circumstances are exeptional when in fact you fit right into the profile of WS/OW.

Please wake up get yourself together and do the right thing. Take the punishment you have earned and learn from it and be a better person. Not a liar nor a homewrecker which is the way your heading right now.

Carry on the way you are and there is no hope in hell for you or your family to get anywhere better and that is a FACT. And please dont even think about bringing a baby into this mess, wouldnt be fair on him/her.

Lokil

I think you are a decent person who made a terrible mistake, terrible one.

You now have the unique chance to continue being a decent person by correcting that mistake doing the right thing. The right thing is to tell your husband and your GF and never ever again have any contact with the OM.

Yes, they are hard and harsh things to do but the mistake was also lifechanging. It changed a whole lot of lives even if those whose life it changed don�t know it yet and you think that by not knowing it won�t change thir lives. It will.

To start with you know, and now you are a different person. It has changed your perception of yourself and unless you take the steps necessary to correct your mistake, everything you do from now on will keep changing you into someone you never wanted to be.

Can you really continue to consider yourself a friend to your "friend" after having sex with her husband? And knowing that he deceived her, you are not warning her?

You have ONE chance on february 6th to be a decent, honest person. After that everything gets worse, more complicated because there will have to be lies, and who knows what else, the possibilities of the dishonest and immoral things that you might be faced with are too awful to even imagine. But one thing will lead to the other, one lie to another, one situation to another all built on this one "mistake".

Your mistake was a lifechanging event. Nothing can undo it. It cannot be denied. The most important thing is what you do about it, that will determine the direction your life will take from now on.

I hope you will take the days remaining until your husband comes home to re read the good advice on this thread, read other threads to see what life is like during and after infidelity, read Dr. Harley�s experience about what makes a good marriage, and make the right decision. It�s a UNIQUE moment. You will never have this chance again.

And keep away from your friends until you have made a conscious decision.

Lokil,

I imagine something like this is going through your mind...

"I'm not a bad person, I'm a good person who has made a stupid drunken mistake, and it's a mistake I'll never make again because I feel so very bad about it now".

I'm going to brush over the poor thinking because it's been done to death.

However, if you are thinking something along those lines and you intend not to tell on the basis of that poor thinking then you are surely turning from a decent person who has made a terrible mistake to a cruel manipulative selfish woman whose premeditated actions will prove her true character.

What you decide to do next will be the measure of your worth as a person. Do the wrong thing and it will eat away at you for the rest of your life. It will damage you as a person, and it will damage your M.

Oh and I doubt that this is the first time he has done this. Next time he may get caught in the act, he and his wife will then throw nasty drunken words at each other. The argument will escalate until he says something along the lines of "go and cry with your bestest friend then, you know the one I ****ed last year".

This WILL eventually happen. I can more or less guarantee it. You will have to endure being loved by your H, possibly having a child, building a family and all with the knowledge that this WILL come out at some point.

That's not a life I would wish on anyone. So do yourself a favour and TELL THE TRUTH.

I suggest someone give her a link to TOW website or something similar where she will find her "there-there's" and "pat-pats" because it's clear that's all she wants. Forty-six pages and all she's done is stand her ground and argue.

Ok, I saw them, she texted me that she wanted to meet and i assumed she knew everything and wanted to punch me i would have let her, I went to pick her up and I was surprised to see he came, I did not want to see him, it was a very weird night i was never alone with him, he told me a couple of things by pasing he said I wish I could tell you what I'm thinking but i can't I asked him to tell me and he just walked away, the second time he told me I dont regret it I told him I do and he walked away again, after a few hours the weirdness kind of faded and it was us being normal again like always. I wont see them again until my husband comes home I really needed to know if he told her.

I hear the Affair wheels starting to turn...