I have faith in MB or I wouldn't still be on here seeking advice on a daily basis. as for my plan A, I have been doing everything I can. I converse with her and look in her eyes and actually LISTEN when she speaks, I keep the house SPOTLESS which before I never did ANYTHING. I tell her I am here for her, and I try to be here for her but she won't let me.

I cook dinner even though she hardly eats anymore. When she talks about OM she never says it's over she says things like "I don't know what will happen with me and him, but I am not basing my decision to leave you on him" <---this is a LIE (she is still clinging to the hope there might be a possibility she can be with him)she has NEVER once said they are OVER even though he has nothing to do with her at all.
I try to avoid LB at all cost. i know I have been expecting too much too soon, and I can't help it.

She admited I have changed and she knows that I have but she is still not willing to R our M, she still wants out. Scotland I can't imagine being in your situation and i know my could be much worse, I thank God it's not.
I am doing the best I can, but everytime I get my hopes up and think were moving forward they come CRASHING down when she still mentions the D.

Another interesting thing happened today, she made a new facebook account using a false name, and an old email address, after the big emotional fit.
She still listens to HIS favorite music and researches all the witchraft stuff HE is into, she gets on his facebook page and looks at all his pictures everyday then she goes to his wife's page and looks at hers. She is in major denial and withdrawl. I don't ever plan on quiting plan A I am just not going to over do it as I was before. I am going to be the BEST version of ME that I can be. Thank you all so much for being here for me and guiding me along this awful path, I always take your advice to heart.

"As long as you do not agree to divorce or an easy divorce, your WW will not file. She does not want to take the financial hit"

There is no financial hit, I make 0 money and her mamaw is financing it.

She wants out only because she's pining for OM and thinks that will make a difference (and she wants to be available for OM in the future). "If OM sees that I got divorced, maybe that will make him feel guilty about just dumping me and he'll come running back." Your WW is still in FANTASYLAND. The checking up on his facebook and junk will only delay her withdrawal. Trust us. After six months of NC, the fog will clear and your plan A (if you can execute it) will have chipped down the wall. Your WW is not going anywhere. Maybe get some of Dr. Harley's books, read them, and leave them around the house for her to maybe stumble across.

Financial hit.

lol, Jim your good my friend
So EVERYTIME she mentions D avoid the conversation at all cost? If she fights it I will stand strong in saying "I will not have any part to do with this D" etc...but not in an angry or hateful way, just a stern way, I messed up about a week ago when I gave in to the "amicable" D speech and agreed to a few things that have came back to bite me now.

Just breathe Jon Its in Gods hands anyways. Your marriage is gonna change either way. Its up to you to do what it takes for YOU first. If she follows then thats good too.

did you read my post on last page?

I did sorted and I really appreciate all of that, I copied those passages and i will use them daily.

Can you elaborate on what is making you expect anything from a WW that's in withdrawal? You should read your entire thread again and see how many times you've been told to only expect crazy babble and venom from her.

Again, why are HOPING? Her mentioning D is a way to push your buttons. Her goal is to discourage and manipulate you with D conversations. Just ignore her D talk. Be prepared for war if it gets to that point but don't let her torture you with her mind games. I think we've tried to drive this message to you quite a few times. What is it that you don't understand about this?

Have you expressed to her that this behavior is unacceptable. You might need to get into some creative boundary enforcement. What are you willing to do to disrupt these actions?

I'll disagree with you. You DO want to quit plan A at some point. If you don't understand that then you're doomed. Plan A is temporary. There's no way you can do it indefinitely. Part of the idea is to show your WW that you can change. Make it difficult for her to leave you. And if you move to plan B (which is likely) then you leave her with the impression of how good Jonpen can be.

What do you mean by "over do" plan A? That sounds a little ambivalent when you're saying you want to be the "BEST" version of yourself. If you want to be the BEST version of yourself then you pull all the stops. What you don't want is to let fear flap you around or be a doormat. Executing a solid plan A requires commitment. I suggest you go a read the plan A links that have been posted in this thread.

The ball is in your court. Play to win.

Explain

"she gets on his facebook page and looks at all his pictures everyday then she goes to his wife's page and looks at hers"

Time for a new round of exposure. Tell OMW that they need to block WW from their FB page.

Which means if you get at least 50/50 shared custody, your WW will be paying you child suppport and possible alimony. To put it in perspective, the 750 / mo I pay my exWW in CS to the time they are emancipated is basically an annuity worth #134,000. Filing for divorce is the cheap part. When you have kids, it's the financial hit that keeps on giving for decades.

Even though I don't HAVE to explain myself so you can better understand it Gack, I speak to her aunt everyday, nowhere in my post does it say I spoke to her about the D. Her aunt will still be doing all the work for my WS if she mentions she still wants to file.
I didn't know up until that point her aunt didn't want us to get a D. so to sum it up Her aunt=will still help finance and get an attorney for my WS and even do all the work involved therein that she is legally allowed, but her aunt=does not want us to get a D.

X2!

Jon,

Plan A is acknowledged to be an emotinally wrenching period for the BS. It is not intended to be something you do forever. Plan B is to force the affair to end, but it appears to be over. You're going through withdrawl on her part right now.

My gut tells me that they're still in contact in some way. I could be wrong, but it could be the case.

You can block facebook yourself. Unless she can access it from work, it should make it very tough for her to get on there.

How technically savvy is she? You can access your router and block facebook from there.

I would also advise you to make sure to contact OM's W to let her know that your WW is still accessing their FB page and looking at her and him. Tell them so they can block her.

Just curious: Was he into actual witchcraft or is that what you're calling things that you consider to be witchcraft? What do you mean by witchcraft?

Jon, listen to me carefully. I asked you several times if you had spoken to her Aunt, you said yes. I was not asking if you had spoken to her about the weather, I was asking if you spoke to her about your marriage. You maid it very clear that you had, and she wanted you to divorce.

Turns out thats not true.

We are all trying to help you Jon. The more accurate the information we receive from you, the better we can advise you. Had I known you had not actually talked to her Aunt about the divorce I would have advised you do so immediately.

Help us help you Jon, you can do that with accurate information.

Now, since we now know her Aunt does not want the two of you to divorce, you need to talk to the Aunt again about your marriage and the affair. Tell her you love your wife very much and want to save your marriage and ask her to please help you in any way she can. You may have a powerful allie here Jon that we did not know you had.

Next!
It's time to get back on the phone with OM's Wife. Tell her about your wifes constant pinning for her H, her continuous stalking of them on FaceBook, and that you firmly believe they are still in contact.

Will you do these things Jon?

We all know that Jon, almost all of us went through it.

I literally vomited one night from the pain.


Why hasn't she then?

Have you spoken to this Mawmaw ABOUT YOUR MARRIAGE?
(Whats a Mawmaw anyway, Is that her Grandmother?)
Have you told her that you love your wife? That you don't want a divorce? Have you asked her to pleas help you anyway she can to save your marriage?


We will take it day by day Jon.
You are getting good advice from everyone Jon, and I truly believe if you can follow the advice, and implement MB strategies you will recover this M. Your in a much better place than I and most BS posters where when they found MB.

Jon, I want to quote something from one of my favorite movies, "Forrest Gump".

"God is listening, but you must help yourself"

What this means is the good lord helps those who trust in him, but also try and help themselves.

Jon,

We all understand your pain as we have all been through it. I could not keep food down for more than a week, was trying to function on two or three hours a night and I even totally blacked out and literally crumpled to the floor several times. What I don't understand is your defensiveness with people who have seen success working through this and are taking their time to help you and your unwillingness tom help yourself.

Please read Bob Pure's post to 26 years in her "I just can't take it anymore thread". 26 is another one in panic mode. While panic is understandable it is exceedingly unproductive. Do you understand that all of us have been through this, heard the same wayward fog babble and many have recovered their M to a new and better place, myself included.

Your situation is NOT unique. As it turns out, it appears that you have taken much for granted and have not even exposed from your point of view to your WW's family that you claim to be close to. Do that! Your assumptions are killing you.

God's Blessings,

Say

I have told her family how I feel, and they all are against the D. they know she is very confused and mixed up right now, but they believe into the fact that it's not because of the OM she wants a D.
She has told her family how bad I used to treat her etc...and they believe thats the reason even though I tell them otherwise over and over.

I can't let her or her family know that I am still spying on her because if she finds out I can watch what she is doing while on her laptop I won't be able to gather anymore valuable info.
They are not talking anymore she just gets on there and looks at his pictures, I know it will delay the withdrawl but it's better than them talking.

I am just going to be the best version of ME that I can, and take it one day at a time.
Gack I know I mentioned talking to her aunt and she is just as confused as everyone else, she wants my WS happy and thinks this D will make her happy but she doesn't want us to get a D, she would much rather us work things out but if it's what her little sweet niece wants then she will help her. I have taken every single bit of your alls advice, I come here to vent instead of doing that to my wife, so when I say things it's because I'm an emotional wreck.

I am at peace with my situation because I know God will look out for me and He will know I have done the right thing, but I still hurt from time to time.

And HTLD it is actual witchcraft, but today when I walked into my WS work room she had her Bible out doing her Bible study, so thats at least one good sign. I was panicking but not in front of her, I never lose my cool and I am always calm around her.

Have you asked them for there help and support in saving your marriage?

Have you told them it is because of her adoulterouse relationship with a married man who activly practices witchcraft?

Show them how good you will treat her!