Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 34 of 50 1 2 32 33 34 35 36 49 50
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
Originally Posted by patriot45
Well, I went home after talking to her and insisting no crazy. So as soon as I walk in the door, crazy hits. She insists I call her parents right then and make it right. I call her parents and start talking to them and she is yealling in the background. Her Mom started crying and saying I know Joe, I wish we could help. Whatever you need to do we will support you 100%. Ten she demanded I snd e-mails to everyone saying what a crazy person I was so on. She had a conference call so I showered and left. Can't deal with crazy right now. I'll go home when the kids get out of school. Now she e-mails me every minute asking me to come home and speak calmly. Said no thanks. Tried that and it didn't work. Her friend from work finally called and it's all good there (thank god). So now I don't feel so bad about that. As you all have said, her support system has erroded and she thinks I'm trying to trap her. I have kept the message the same the whole time, I want to work on this. There is nothing that can't be fixed. Yes, lots of damage and no promise it can be undone, but I at least want to try. As you can imagine I get a big FU, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you. While I'm writting now just got an IM saying if I am planning on filling please don't. How flippin crazy are people. I know it's difficult to gauge how you would react to a situation until you're in it, but this is kookoo for coco puffs. Now I'm getting an i.m I'm concerned for you and your mental state. OMG...really.

Did you ever see the Exorcist? Your WW sounds like the kid in the movie who was possessed. Incoherent, wheedling, threatening, quiet and then exploding (projectile vomiting all over the priest who was doing the exorcism). That was while the demon was being exorcised.


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686
GO HOME. AND DO NOT LEAVE AGAIN unless it's for work.

Do you WANT her to take the kids from you?! Do you WANT PSUBIKER's situation to happen to you?!


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,277
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,277
Originally Posted by patriot45
She insists I call her parents right then and make it right.
I would have told her to do it.

Originally Posted by patriot45
Ten she demanded I snd e-mails to everyone saying what a crazy person I was so on.
Tell her only if you can include an MP3 of her run in with the law from your voice recorder.


Originally Posted by patriot45
I'm concerned for you and your mental state. OMG...really.
Reply with

I feel the same concern for you. If I arrange it would you be willing to talk to a psychiatrist?

Last edited by Gack1; 02/05/10 11:42 AM.

Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 190
P
Member
OP Offline
Member
P
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 190
Just sitting here in Starbucks buying time. My sister keeps e-mailing me and telling me to get a new protective order and have her removed. I am SO reluctant to do that because the kids would have to see her removed by the police again. I cannot deal with that again. Having three police cars in front of our house again in our perfect little leave it to beaver neighborhood would be to much. On the other hand, dealing with the Sibil crap is old too. If she would just allow me to go into my part of the house and she in hers and take a week off from this, it might have a chance to calm down. Ya, I cannot imagine what she went through in jail. I'm sure it was tramatic and all, but she did it to herself. I just listened to the recording again and she was way out of control. I'll break this bottle over your head and F-in kill you...so on. I know I shouldn't feel bad about it, but it makes me sick. I know what Barbie means that it is a lifetime scar, but what else should I have done. I guess I could have left, but it's my house too.

Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,277
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,277
Originally Posted by karmasrose
GO HOME. AND DO NOT LEAVE AGAIN unless it's for work.
x2

Just keep your voice recorder on you, be cool, and don't let her bother you.

Ohh, and why not invite her parent's over for lunch or dinner grin


Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 634
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 634
Originally Posted by patriot45
While I'm writting now just got an IM saying if I am planning on filling please don't. How flippin crazy are people. I know it's difficult to gauge how you would react to a situation until you're in it, but this is kookoo for coco puffs. Now I'm getting an i.m I'm concerned for you and your mental state. OMG...really.

This is a train wreck and you are enabling it!! Sorry to be harsh but this is just utterly ridiculous! Can't you see that she is trying to manipulate you?? She threatens to file to get you to do what she wants and when you don't she follows that up by expressing concern for you? She's acting like a child that has been told no. First the child begs and pleads and says pretty please and then when you still say not the child throws a temper tantrum, cries, rolls on the floor, etc. She is trying to push any and all buttons that she can. When are you going to stand up like a man and quit putting up with her crap? You walk through the door and she insists that you call her parents so you do? Why? Why are you doing everything she wants? She also insisted that you email everybody? I sure hope you didn't do that.... Geez....

Sorry to pull out the 2x4 because I know you are hurting and this is an extremely difficult time but you have got to stop enabling WW and giving into her manipulation tactics.

Mindshare

Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,277
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,277
Originally Posted by patriot45
I cannot imagine what she went through in jail.
Not your fault or your problem.

Originally Posted by patriot45
I'm sure it was tramatic and all, but she did it to herself.
Absolutly, it is just another fun consecuince for HER of HER affair.

Originally Posted by patriot45
I know what Barbie means that it is a lifetime scar, but what else should I have done.
You did 100% right!


Originally Posted by patriot45
I guess I could have left, but it's my house too.
NO

NO

NO

DO NOT EVER LEAVE!!


Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686
Your kids are probably scared right now. With good reason! Daddy has left them alone with someone not in her right mind.

How do you like the idea of your kids being scared because daddy will not protect them?

Last edited by karmasrose; 02/05/10 11:51 AM.

One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686
Have her removed RIGHT NOW!

Look out for your kids!

I wish Pom were here...

Better, I'll get Pariah. HE will tell you.


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 602
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 602
Patriot,

You MUST stop the abuse that your WW is dishing out. My exWW to this day still says I have mental health issues. It's called deflection and is EXTREMELY abusive to YOU!

There's some things you need to do ASAP:

- DON'T MOVE OUT!! She cheated, she has the TRO, why the heck are you leaving?

- strongly consider getting another TRO. Your WW sounds just like my ex - they JUST DON'T GET IT! They will not stop until you are behind bars. They also don't care if they are yelling, screaming, carrying on in front of the kids as long as it serves their goal of getting you locked up.

- Remember, blood is thicker than mud.


Me BH 49 WXW 50
Married 1998
DS 2002
DD 2005
D Day 1 7/28/08
D Day 2 8/19/08

Divorce Final 3/19/2009
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,632
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,632
Pat,
Unfortunately what you are witnessing right now from exposure is exactly what needed to happen. The safety net is gone and now she is crashing and burning. I know it is extremely painfull for you to have to witness this, but if she were a crack addict and you took away her drug, she would be just as hateful and venomous.

Your WW's foggy excuse to have an A is like ice cubes and exposure is the heating lamp over the ice. Her fantasy excuses are melting like ice and she is desperate. She watching the beatiful snowman in the back yard, melt away in the noonday sun and she is like a young child. She is mad, sad, and desperate to turn this around and have her snowman(cake).

Good job on the exposure. You have used your biggest weapon to end the A. Reasoning with her during this withdrawal will drive you crazy. Don't entertain the thought that she will be open to reason and logic. She hasn't used that in a very long time and will have to learn that behavior all over again (or not).

At least now, there is a chance to salvage this M, whereas before, there was none. I know you can't see that yet and it will take extreme patience on your part, but bide your time and continue to plan A. This is where the BS has to carry the load for both but, I know you are up to this for now.

In spite of the chaos, things are actually going to plan. YOU'RE PLAN, which puts you back in charge of your life and well being. Your WW does not like reliqueshing control back to you so she fights it, but she sees it and is frightened by it.

Please be encouraged, you are doing great!

All Blessings

Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,277
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,277
This is all just thrashing and pitching a fit, it will subside.

But you must protect yourself.

Go home, keep recorder on you at all times.

If she gets kooky, call the police.


Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 4,458
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 4,458
Quote
I just listened to the recording again and she was way out of control. I'll break this bottle over your head and F-in kill you...so on.

Isn't this sort of a violation of the temporary restraining order? At the very least, it shows the willingness and the desire to violate the terms if she had the chance. You listened when people told you to get a recorder, and they were right. They're right now about telling you to get another restraining order, even if it means police cars in the neighborhood. I hope you'll listen this time around, too. This woman is a grenade. The pin is pulled. The seconds are ticking, and when it goes off, everyone in the area is gonna get HURT!

tl

Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 5,247
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 5,247
You need to maintain peace in that household for YOUR CHILDREN.
It is WORSE for them to hear her ranting and threatening to kill you than it is for them to see mommy being asked to leave.

Right now you have tremendous power over the situation. So take advantage of that. Get the next level of restraining order.
She IS abusive. You need to protect your kids from that.

There is really no point trying to negotiate with her at this point. She is not willing to give up OM. She is not in a position to make any demands of you. You, on the other hand, DO have the right and position to demand that she stay away from you until she has me the conditions necessary to give this marriage a chance.

Stop the abuse. Stop giving in to her demands. Stop protecting her from her consequences. Stop trying to soften the blows.





Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 190
P
Member
OP Offline
Member
P
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 190
I only called her parents because they know what's happening and knew it was crap. So is the suggestion I go down and file? Get an RO? I just hate the thought of that. I gave her a break coming out and did not do it, but maybe I should have.

Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 4,222
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 4,222
Originally Posted by patriot45
I only called her parents because they know what's happening and knew it was crap. So is the suggestion I go down and file? Get an RO? I just hate the thought of that. I gave her a break coming out and did not do it, but maybe I should have.

Go home, stay home. Tell her that you will no longer tolerate her abuse, so she needs to stop yelling and screaming at you. If it continues, have her removed. Of course you are recording her the entire time. She will not change until she hits rock bottom. You leaving her with the kids as you run off only strengthen's her custody position. You do not want to do anything that hurts your custody position. You cannot leave your children with this woman. Give her some rope, but if she takes her rope and hangs herself with it, do not cut her down.


Jim

BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
Jim's Story
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 2,037
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 2,037
OK, I am the prime example of when a WW goes to the extreme to cover her adultery up.

You better listen up to me, or it VERY WELL COULD COST YOU YOUR LIFE.

First and foremost you better get a digital voice activated recorder in your posession and a video camera as an added bonus would be beyond helpful.

Record each and every insane blathering that comes from her piehole and for god's sakes keep it freaking hidden.

You will definately want that recorder or an spare hidden in the house whil you aren't there and in her car so you can catch her plotting to have you killed.

I discovered my wife's plot almost too late.

You need evidence to get an RO on your wife to have her REMOVED from the home.

She is a prime example of a nuclear reaction to exposure.

You have severely damaged the fantasy of the affair and the monster is reacting.


Keep exposing, it's like light to a vampire.


I watch, and am as a sparrow alone upon the house top.
Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 15,284
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 15,284
Pat,

I'll keep this simple. YOu are leaving your kids with a woman that is out of control. What kind of a man are you?

JL

Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Originally Posted by Just Learning
Pat,

I'll keep this simple. YOu are leaving your kids with a woman that is out of control. What kind of a man are you?

JL

EGG ZAK LEE !

Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 6,870
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 6,870
Originally Posted by jmwc95
Go home, stay home. Tell her that you will no longer tolerate her abuse, so she needs to stop yelling and screaming at you. If it continues, have her removed. Of course you are recording her the entire time. She will not change until she hits rock bottom. You leaving her with the kids as you run off only strengthen's her custody position. You do not want to do anything that hurts your custody position. You cannot leave your children with this woman. Give her some rope, but if she takes her rope and hangs herself with it, do not cut her down.

Doesnt sound like her night in jail taught her respect for you if she is telling you to say this and do that. You are probably still in danger and she sounds capable of doing something desparate.

I would be firm and kind but let her know if she starts any abusive launguage you will have her tossed out, and if she gets in your face because of that call the cops. You will be doing everyone a favor.

Ever here the saying.. "The only thing your children ont forgive you for is your lack of disiplining them" If you continue to let her walk on you now your doomed.

I agree with most of the people here that if she keeps throwing fits have her removed.


Me 56 Former BS
Widowed 5-17-09 --married 25 years.
4 children
DS-35 previous marriage--18-22 DGrandSons 6 and 4
Me former BS
DD-29 with DGDs 5 and 1yr
DSs 26 and 23
Teilhard de Chardin..“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” ...Sounds about right to me.
Page 34 of 50 1 2 32 33 34 35 36 49 50

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 731 guests, and 60 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Bibbyryan860, Ian T, SadNewYorker, Jay Handlooms, GrenHeil
71,838 Registered Users
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5