I am sorry I didn't want to suggest that you were being dishonest if you really feel like you were being truthful.

It just doesn't sit right with me because this early into NC with OM and YOU SHOULD have a little doubt. I guess it's just that I was projecting my feelings on to you.

As far as the TV show, do you watch it anyways?

Plan A is still what you are in. Keep up the good work

I wasn't angry Scotland I would have doubted if she said she were going to a city near where he lives or said she was going by herself, but the Wal-Mart she is going to is just down the road. She even said "I will bring you the reciept with the times on it to prove thats where I went" I TRULY feel like there is NC between them, not because she doesn't want to contact him but because he doesn't want to contact her.
I am still FURIOUS with the OM and I hope I don't see him anywhere because I really don't know if I could control myself. He KNEW she was married and thats the biggest disrespect to me as her husband that any man could ever do.

If I really sit and dwell on the situation and what they did and how much my WS enjoyed it, it only makes me want to give up and get the D. I try to keep those thoughts out of my mind and stay pro active, but sometimes it's impossible.
I was my WS first and she was mine, she can never say that she has just been with 1 person again. How do people get over it? How can I get over knowing my Ws would have left me for another man? I am second best still to this OM, if he came back in the picture she would still leave me..... these thoughts are so hurtful and unbearable.
I LOVE the show btw, so you think I should watch it without her?

I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. The same is true for my WH and I only I was his first EVERYTHING. He was 18 and never even had a GF before me. I don't know if I will be able to get over what he has done or what he is still doing. About seeing OM, I don't know if you read my thread, but POSOW was in my WH's truck in MY SEAT and I saw her through the window. It was really hard. She met me a few times, talked to me on the phone and we even sent messages on FB. The disrespect is CRAZY, but the BETRAYAL of my WH is worse than anything she has done. I have to remind myself all of the time that she is not worth my energy.

Did you read SAA yet? The couple in there had the sitch where POSOM had moved on with another woman and left WW, but Sue's second choice was her BH and DrH says they recovered.

And about the show, well if you ask her to watch it and she doesn't want to, why change your plans?

Do you have any ideas on what your requirements for your WW would have to meet for you to try to R with you? The NCL should be written and sent, even if POSOM doesn't make contact because what if OMW decides she is sick of him and he sees your WW as his option?

I am sure the vets will advise you what to do next.

Let her know you are watching the show on Day X. Invite her to watch it with you. If she declines, start watching it without her, but don't delete the season. Continue to invite her. Eventually she'll take you up.

Ever hear that great line from a Shakespear play when the king remarked to his DIL: "methinks thou doust protest too much."

Sorry Jon, and this comes with a disclaimer, ::::

I SMELL A RAT IN THE WOODPILE!!!!!

All Blessings,
Jerry

I watched the show without her last night. My requirements for my WW... Thats a tough one. The NCL would have to be sent, she would certainly have to show me more respect.She would have to make attempts to meet my EN's. What are some general requirements a WW needs to meet in order to R?

Actually, I may worry about that when the time comes. My WS is nowhere NEAR ready for R yet. At this point if I brought up R she would still say no that she wants a D. Do you all think she will let me know when she is ready? Is there any tips on speeding up the withdrawl process? I am fairly certain there has been NC.

Depends on what show it is

This bothers me too. She is trying TOO HARD to prove her whereabouts..

Does she have own car?

Can you GPS track her phone?

Have you hidden any Digital Voice recorders yet?

She won't just wake up one day and want R, it will be a slow, gradual process.

NC is the only thing that will work.

Quit focusing on her so much.
Focus on YOU.
How are you meeting her ENs?
How well are you avoiding LBs?

Edited to add: that's pretty darn funny, a chameleon in a bag of Skittles.

It means you're wasting your time focusing on her.
She is unpredictable and inconsistent.
It is a WASTE of your time and energy to focus on her right now.
Focus on your Plan A instead.

If Recreational Companionship is one of her top three ENs then yes watch the show, invite her to see it with you, and if she declines mention what a good episode it was, and drop it.

If RC is not one of her top three ENs then don't watch the show; spend that time doing Plan A instead.

Work. Your. Plan.

I did hide a voice recorder and it was just normal girl talk, no talk about the D or the OM. She stopped talking to her friends about the D and OM because they always tell her to work out her M and it's not what she wants to hear.

The only thing keeping the NC going is the OM. My wife is still majorly in the withdrawl stage and she would still leave me for him. I am still second best to another man and this hurts so bad.

She hasn't mentioned the D to me, but I think it's only because I tell her I won't cooperate and i plan to fight it, this makes her FURIOUS so she doesn't bring it up to me.

she is still SO distant, I try to praise her and admire her the best I can, and I put my hand on her back just to touch her when I can. I am still keeping up with ALL the housework and I am the one that takes care of the kids most the time.

In 4 days it will be exactly 1 month since exposure and NC yet I have seen VERY little progress if any. We still take turns sleeping in the other bed, i will sleep in it for 2 days then she will sleep in it for 2 days etc... I made this agreement awhile back. She has been sick lately and I offered to sleep in the other bed even though it was my turn to sleep in the main bed (it's a little less comfortable then our main bed) She said "I will be fine, but thank you for offering"

I still need lots of help, and I have a LONG ways to go, but if I could get anything from her to offer me any hope things would be so much easier.

Two months into withdrawal is usually the time they give up on the other person and start showing some clearing of the fog.

Thanks Jim, that is good to know. Should I be acting indifferent to her yet still meeting her Top EN's? Do you think it will be good for her to be around my whole family for the first time since the A this weekend? I hope and pray the NC continues forever, but there is NOTHING I can do to ensure this. I just hope enough time goes by that she gets over him and wants to R our M.

Act indifferent towards the wayward wife. Meet the needs of the good wife when she allows you. By ensuring NC, I just mean just continue to spy and watch for contact. If contact occurs, you need to expose again and possible start making steps toward plan B (like legal separation). However, I don't see OM contacting your WW again, and if he does, I feel exposure to his wife will establish NC again.

That smells like Plan Doormat to me. Have you tried engaging her to assist with that housework? "Hons, could you put away the dishes while I wash up?", for example. Certainly situations where you are actively involved in doing housework or taking care of the kids while she's slouched off somewhere should be avoided as much as possible.

The Devil finds work for idle hands, remember that.

Well the last couple of days she has actually been helping without me having to say anything. Plus she is the one that works full time and I am not employed. She washed clothes today, and went out and fed the dog which I'm not sure if she has ever done before. Guys, this pain is too much, it hit me like a ton of bricks today like it happened for the first time. I can't stop crying and i am not someone that cries. I want to hold her, hug her, SHE IS MY WIFE! I walked down the isle with this person and vowed my life to them, and she did the same for me.....

She mentioned to her friend last night that she still wants the divorce but her job is her #1 focus right now. I was dying inside when she was leaving today but I didn't want it to show. She has to leave the house every chance she gets but at least she took one of the kids this time and her friend came and got her so I know she is in good hands.

She kept asking "are you mad that I'm going"? over and over because she is my wife and she knew something was bothering me, but I told her "of course I'm not mad" which is the truth I am not mad she is going I am hurt by the situation and the fact that she wants to leave the house every chance she gets.

How can someone that once loved me SO MUCH act this way towards me now, I am not the one that did anything wrong yet I'm the one that wants her now more than I ever have! I just want her to love me again like she once did and i want to give her ALL this love that I have now. I don't understand why she is doing this to me, I am suffering beyond imagination. For awhile it didn't bother me but today something hit me and everytime I see her I break down. Help.

Should I be telling her how bad I'm hurting inside or should I leave that to myself and you all? I mean she goes out and about while i watch the kids whenever she wants and she isn't wearing her wedding rings. My wife is a very attractive woman and her flaunting herself out and about without her rings on is not acceptable but I don't know what to say.
I am doing my plan A the best I can thats why I try to act happy around her and I do always have a good time playing with the kids.

Today when we were all playing together as a family my wife kept looking me in the eyes and smiling, I think this is what triggered my pain.

I'm not sure how much longer i can keep going like this, seeing her everyday and knowing how much I truly love her yet knowing she wants NOTHING to do with me. If I was acting on impulse I would go file right now but i know I may feel different tomorrow or the next day. I don't know the line between plan A and plan doormat.

I think it's perfectly valid to tell her "It hurts me that you don't wear your rings. It hurts that you spend so much time away from the home." Nothing wrong with being assertive and honest.

Have you considered Plan B?

This is what Plan A is about Jon. You will read all over this site how painful it is to give love while the pain of betrayal is fresh. That is also why we are here. To be support for you and to tell you that we understand.
Every time you start to feel close to her now this will happen for awhile. You open your heart and the wound is exposed.
Plan A is not designed to last forever because ppl break down over time and its just too painful. After you have established that you are the better choice for her and are ready to be on your own it is time for Plan B. Plan B will allow you to separate yourself from the source of the pain, her actions against you, and preserve what love you have for her. I can assure you that stayingin this position with her walking the fence will tear you a new one and run you down to a place you never thought you would go to. Somewhere God never intended you to go either.
Please get yourself ready for plan B. Find a way to support yourself and children so you can stand up for yourself. MOney is an illusion when it comes to marriage. I don't care how poor you become you will never look back at 50 and think that money would have been better to have than your peace of mind.

Plan B would be next to impossible and I have only been in plan A for around 1 month. She won't care that she is hurting me and i know if I mention it somehow we will get on the conversation of D again. I will do all I can to be honest as hard as it may be.

She works full time and I go to school full time, If I did get legally seperated and went to plan B I could go through with the no phone calls, texts etc... but I would have to be the one that comes and picks up the kids because no other family lives even close to us. I could tell her I don't want to see her but it wouldn't matter to her and she would still come out.

I don't really want to go to plan B because I have a good home and I'm close to school and because it's her aunt's house we live in I would have to be the one to move out.
She hasn't wore her rings in about 3 weeks, is it to late to tell her it hurts me to see her without them on?
Jim if your listening did your FWS just one day put her rings back on or did you ask her to?