Now see what you started Mark. Another silly forum war

Uh Mel, hack, cough, er, gack. I haven't a clue how you did that but I am gonna figure it out sooner or later.

Larry

Night night...

Ok, I know where it came from, I know html is disabled and UBB is enabled. Hmmmmmm.

grrrrr

But it isn't in a code box like Mark's.

double grrrrrr

Maybe it is the difference between the img command and the url thingee. . .

Just quote him Larry and you will see how he did it! Better than reading his novels though!

Note Mark, BK, Mel's. And I am trying to figure it out from scratch, but I may give up and sneak a look at the quote.

Larry

I was leaving out the dang location thingee. Thanks BK

Larry

There ya go!

Chasing Rainbows:

Affairs are almost always about infatuation or getting some strange, or whatever.

I am doing this writeup to help explain romantic affairs from a chemistry basis, and no I don't mean emotional chemistry, I mean the scientific kind, biochemistry.

Other than eat up with stupid, ever wonder exactly why an otherwise sane person starts acting like a teenager in love? And why that same person would throw away all of their values, ethics and morals?

Robert Friar is one of the country's experts on the biochemistry of love. He studies brain chemicals and hormones that influence how we fall in and out of love. It is a scientific discipline gaining momentum and explains a lot about love, infatuation, affairs and the state of attraction.

There isn't a single conclusion by Friar or anyone else I have read that disputes Willard Harley's writings, methods or conclusions. In fact, comparing what Harley has to say with studies of the effect of brain chemicals serves to overwhelmingly validate Harley. Friar and other researchers point out how the brain chemicals they have discovered are induced. Once again, Harley is dead on accurate.

According to Friar, there are two types of love. One originates in the hypothalamus. The other originates in the frontal lobe of the brain with help from the pituitary gland. Or at least that is the way I interpret what he is saying. Al Turtle calls it infatuation and vintage love for the two types. For me, I call the two types: Infatuation, and all can agree with that, and the second, lasting love because you can make it last and last, whereas infatuation just dies out in time.

The whole reason for this cocktail of love chemicals seem to be to insure the survival of the race: pairing and the production of kids. Nowhere is it written in our brains that we can only be infected by the chemical soup if we are not already paired up.

Like it or not, admit it or not, there really is no mystery about the chemicals in our brains that promote love, infatuation and affection. But there is a vast difference among that group of drugs in how each affects our thought processes and reactions.

Our brains are programmed by our DNA according to Friar and others. Studies have shown that for men, we are attracted to women with a smaller waist and a near exact, no more than 68% of the hip size. Apparently it dates back to hunter/gatherer, prehistoric time. Yea, I know, men just think they are attracted to large breasts.

Women are naturally attracted to men with broad shoulders, thin waists and larger muscles, Friar says, because it is a leftover function of the hypothalamus from the hunting-gathering mentality of our most ancient ancestors. Women want men who are strong and powerful.

Of course, the definition of strong and powerful has changed over the years as our society and cultures have changed. Friar said that's partly why the second type of love originates from the frontal lobe of the brain, in which humans are able to think and reason in more sophisticated patterns than any other mammal.

This type of love is what allows people to connect with others on the basis of a "Nice personality," Friar says. It's also the part of the brain that attracts one to a lover who shares common interests, such as ballet, traveling to exotic lands or making lots of money.

Researchers are clearly developing a solid body of evidence that love is indeed as much physiology as psychology. A chemistry between lovers is not just a turn of phrase; it is a torrential release of brain chemicals and hormones. And that cascade can be started, it seems, by something as innocent as a casual
conversation about, say, bowling.

Phenylethylamine, the infatuation drug.

Scientists have found that phenylethylamine, or PEA, is a neurotransmitter chemical in the brain that causes you to fall madly in love with someone. It is a natural form of amphetamine that floods the regions of the brain involved in sexual excitement. And those who get hooked on this meth like substance are brain addled, without a doubt.

PEA causes us to act completely out of our minds. Take away the stimulus and PEA starts to die. This is where Harley's no contact comes in.

And PEA acts very much like amphetamine in terms our reaction to the self induced production. Those infected by PEA are much like drug addicts. That is a very good thing when it comes to love and attraction for those looking for mates and a very bad thing when it strikes someone who already has one.

Another problem is; scientists concur that the effects of PEA last only for about the first three to five years into a relationship, if that. Friar says this time frame fits nicely into the human development theory that early man stayed with his mate long enough to procreate and then protect the child during early years of life or until the child was useful to the local clan.

I call this the coyote ugly syndrom. In the quite of the night, a woman or man wakes up to the "Oh, my, God, what have I gotten myself into?" PEA goes away and the addicted suddenly experience reality and all its consequences.

It has been my observation that the more times one is hooked on PEA, the shorter time period before it goes poof in the night. It has also been my observation that more women than men chase after a good infatuation (or bad one) because they mistakenly define infatuation as true love instead of the more lasting, but lower level, real love.

I have absolutely no credentials to back those statements up. I also suspect that reading bodice rippers produces a jolt in PEA
for the reader, who are almost exclusively female.

Anyway, "Marriages don't last on PEA alone," Friar says.

Once PEA drops off in the brain, it's also possible to work up a new batch of PEA for another person, which can explain affairs or people giving themselves a second (or third or fourth) chance at true love or an affair. Friar says the PEA levels for some people may never be as high as they were when experiencing their first love. Most of us know about first love during our teenage years.

But others--thanks mostly to heightened thinking by the frontal lobe of the brain about common interests or shared goals--can actually experience an even greater PEA level later in life than they did in the teenage or college years. This would explain a lot about affairs later in life. And this would also explain why affairs just simply don't work out.

Fueled by PEA, affairs go up like a fourth of July rocket, burst into a brilliant explosion, then fade away as PEA dies. But, the PEA fix can be activated (for a shorter period of time) again at a future date. Don't let your mate go to a high school reunion by themselves, if at all.

Oxytocin is the foundation chemical for longer lasting, real love.

Before doing any quick calculating about the doom of your own relationship, know that oxytocin is a brain peptide that can flow to the rescue of what otherwise could be a short-lived relationship. It is secreted from the pituitary gland and bathes the brain and reproductive tracts of both women and men. This
chemical wash increases our sensitivity to touch and encourages grooming and cuddling in both sexes. It also reduces stress-causing hormones in the body.

Oxytocin is released every time we hold hands or snuggle up close to someone. It bonds us with the people we love most, whether a lover, child, family member or friend. Studies show oxytocin levels peak during orgasm and, for women, delivering a baby and breast-feeding are both actions that send oxytocin levels skyrocketing.

A labor-inducing drug, Pitocin, is a form of oxytocin.

Oxytocin as "hormonal superglue" that keeps us connected to one another long after the PEA wears out. Touching is a key element of producing oxytocin, and "touch deprivation" is a sure way to deplete your supply.

Consuming too much alcohol also can decrease oxytocin levels.

The oxytocin effect is more powerful in women, probably because it works in concert with estrogen (more plentiful in the female body) and is subdued by testosterone (higher in men). Research shows that men who regularly stimulate their mates' oxytocin levels are treated by those women with greater affection.

Friar says some researchers have found oxytocin levels dip below optimal amounts in men and women if a couple doesn't reach orgasm twice each week.

One study of 3,500 individuals finished in 1999 by psychologist David Weeks showed people who have sex at least three times each week appear 10 years younger than their actual age. He interviewed subjects from the U.S. and Europe.

Weeks reasons that oxytocin and its role in affection is one reason for such youthfulness. "It's not a case of these people having more sex because they look younger," he says. "They actually look younger because they are having more sex in loving, stable relationships."

Finally, permit me to observe that Harley's teachings points to an emphasis on oxytocin based love. He also goes into great depth on how to counter the short term effects of PEA induced infatuation as related to affairs.

I took a lot of the material I have used from various articles and attempted to paraphrase the information. I hope I have not violated anyone's copyright. I would appreciate any help anyone wants to give to clean this up into a meaningful explanation for those out there of scientific bent or who just want to know.

Larry

This could help explain why some people, live my STBXWW are unable to maintain long-lasting relationships. They may be unable to manufacture sufficient Oxytocin that enables others to "mature" in a relationship and/or the re-emergence of PEA is so overwhelming that all "sense" is thrown to the wind and another relationship is begun.

In simple numbers alone, my STBXWW is unable to sustain a meaningful relationship for much longer than six years. And my calculations are rough, since I don't know how long she was single between marriages, and how long any other such relationships might have lasted.

Incidentally, my counselor told me that women like my STBXWW tend to bounce between "types" -- they choose abusive, attention-grabbing, all-about-me men and then swap out for quiet, conflict-avoiding "nice guys" and repeat. Knowing what I do about her XH and OM, and knowing that I more fit the latter category than the former, I can say this struck a note with me...

Looking for their fix. I got hooked up with someone like that one time. It was a nightmare.

Larry