I think you will be ready when the time comes.

I have found visualization to be a helpful tool to prepare me for situations I am anxious about. I visualize every outcome, good and bad in advance (as best I can). Do not dwell on any outcome, the key is to think about every scenario, good and bad.

When I do this, the real situation is much easier to deal with, and I find myself more confident and considered in my response.

I have been thinking about it all night(I even woke up a couple of times in the wee hours) and this is what I have come up with.

The "olive branch" isn't for me. It isn't for WH either. It is simply what it is. I am just doing this to show WH that the door is still open, for now. What reactions or non-reactions come out of this olive branch doesn't matter as long as the message is sent.

It will be hard on me emotionally, but no harder than Plan A and definitely no harder than Plan B so far. My PLAN so far is to do it. That may change, but for now it is a GO.

I am waiting for my kiddies to come home so I can get a HUGE hug. I need one today. I had customers wishing me a Happy V-Day today. Why would people say that to total strangers? It's not like saying, "Merry Christmas." and even that people are leery about because of the political correctness.

It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be though. I got to see a young friend of mine who just lost her father to brain cancer a couple of weeks ago and she just came back to work today.

Tomorrow will come and that brings me JOY. Every morning is a potential new beginning. Every night when I go to sleep is the end of a day, whether good or bad.

Watching the Olympics and Canada won their first gold medal on Canadian Soil. It was in Men's moguls. AWESOME.

scot i saw that that story was soo touching... loved watching him and his brother down at the end of the hill. That was AWESOME. congrats to the canadians!!!

Hooray! I was hoping y'all'd win sumpin!!!

Don't let the VD stuff get to you. No matter what, you'll be able to reclaim it as something good in a while. In the meantime, and maybe even after, make it symbolize a special, fun time with your boys, and focus on that. Plan something (cheap) outrageous and fun.

VD can mean whatever you want it to mean.

I am having a sad day today and it is worse than yesterday.

I told the kids I would take them out for a walk. That was plainly because I didn't want to do anything but sit at home and be alone. I knew that if I told the kids that I was going to take them out, they would MAKE me GO OUT. We are leaving in 20 minutes. Nothing too special, just going for a walk in the neighbourhood and stopping at 7-11. We might even stop in to see my BIL and their cousin.

Then we will be home to eat dinner. I made Shepherd's Pie today which will also be for tomorrow.

Tonight we are also going to play Mousetrap for family games night.

I feel a bit better, but I still just don't want to do anything but lay and bed and read or watch the olympics. I am forcing myself to do SOMETHING, ANYTHING.

I will be okay, it is just a hard day. A couple more sad days this month and then nothing until April(WH's Bday)

We are back from our walk and visiting with BIL and his GF. On the way home, I started throwing snowballs and running around with them. DS9 was so happy. DS7 was happy and then unimpressed. He is funny like that.

I know why else I was a little upset this morning and early afternoon. I was thinking about WH. He wrote DSx2 an email. He put that he wouldn't be able to get on the computer today to play an online game with them because it is hard to get on the computer with 3 people in the house. HAHAHAHA Funny, he NEVER had any problem getting on when he lived here because he just took over the computer as soon as he walked in the door. He played whenever he was home.

He also told the kids in their email that he is ready to build them their computer. They got excited by that and I had to explain to them that they weren't getting an extra one, WH was going to take this one and give us one that wasn't as good. They said that wasn't fair because they would have 2 good computers at POSOW's house and we would have a not as good one.

I also told myself that if WH tries to get the computer this weekend, then I would not be doing the olive branch in person. I would just leave the bag with all of the mail and "olive branch"(movie) on the porch on DS7's car seat. I have reiterated with the boys that they do not let Daddy in the house. DS7 said that if WH tries to give them the new computer he will say something like, "Daddy you can bring us the new computer when you come back to live with us again." I love my kids.

I would not let your WH have a single thing out of your house.

I love your kids, too!

LC- Don't worry I am not letting him have anything. He wrote to IM's that he wanted the tower to our computer because I refused to pay the credit card. I only said that any charges after Dec1st I was no longer responsible for since he changed his passwords and I could no longer use the credit card. Also, our finances are the exact same for the moment. I have decided that if he wants the computer, he can take me to court to get it and I will tell the judge that I will pay for it myself. I am not getting something he deems is a good replacement.

That is why I made sure that the kids know not to let him in.

You're doing all the right things to get through this.

Thank you for this. I don't always feel like it but I know that I am heading in the right direction. That makes me feel good.

I will be happier as I get through these tough days ahead and I learn what triggers me and either become desensitized or avoid them. I still have FAITH and HOPE. Although the funny thing is that now I have more FAITH in it turning out for the better. I don't mean R of my M(although that would be like icing on the cake), I mean I KNOW that I WILL BE OKAY.

I WILL BE HAPPY AGAIN.
I WILL HAVE WONDERFULLY GROWN CHILDREN ONE DAY.
I WILL BE OKAY.(It's gonna be a LONG journey, but one worth traveling I am sure)

AIN'T LIFE GRAND?

Scotty you are handling everything with such grace under pressure. Awesome job.

Behind you and praying 4 YA

Grats on the Gold Scotty and the Love those two brothers have is beautiful

ABSOLUTELY!!!!!



Oh, and congradulations on that GOLD metal. I LOVE LOVE LOVE the story behind it.....

not2fun

OMG My kids are absolutely amazing little men. DS9 was talking to WH and he asked about the computer. He said, "But Daddy, when you left you took all of your stuff and left the computer so now it is ours." DS9 told me that WH responded with the fact that he would talk to me about it. HMMMMMM talk to me about it? How when we don't talk?

So I have rehearsed the exit and entrance of the house on the weekend visits with DSx2 again. I am really thinking that this olive branch may have to be done not in person. I think maybe my back up plan of putting the mail and movie in a bag and leave it on the car seat.

This weekend, if he wants to try to exchange the computer(which is NOT happening)then it is probably better that we are not face to face. I can't trust myself that much. I am going to write the "line" and put it in the movie. The perfume is already sprayed on the leaflet. That should be enough to get the message across this time. I will plan for another olive branch in a couple of months.

You know what, just stating that I will not be doing it in person has made me not feel as anxious. That's it my mind is following my body. I will not do this in person. I think if I am absolutely and totally honest, a little part of me wanted to see him face to face and wanted him to see me. I have lost a noticeable amount of weight and I wanted him to see me looking better. That is not the best reason for this. I will do it in the right way Plan B style. Thoughts?

Ok...you will probably get mixed opinions on this.

I DO think it would be good for him to see you if you have lost quite a lot of weight...an Attractive Spouse is a need for many men, even if they do not readily admit it (my H still never "admits" it but I know it is for him...he comments on it all the time, which is a clear sign!).

How.ev.er. Don't let him see you face-to-face if it is going to set YOU back. You said you were feeling less anxious just thinking you will not have to see him...that is a sign that you may not be ready and that is fine. You have time later on to let him have a sneak-peek of you if you choose.

That's what I was thinking. Maybe not this time but some time in the future. I also don't know that POSOW won't be in the car. She wasn't in there this Sunday, but who knows? Also, with the computer sitch, I wouldn't trust myself not to react. I think I could be cool and calm, but seeing him under this circumstance may do more to me than I know. I want to be in control of all of my emotions.

I was also thinking that I will lose more weight by the next time. We will see what happens. I may find my strength again by then. I had a couple of really down days and I want to get over them properly first. Who knows what I will do that morning? I have a few days to figure it out fully. I can do this, I know I can. I am scared about my reactions and I am scared that WH will try to come in the house and get the computer. Precautions will be taken for that not to happen