MMF.....telling your children about your WW's A is one thing, pounding on your WW is another.

Here's something to think about.
My BIL had an affair while he was married with 4 young children. He also would not give up the OW and left his wife and kids. He eventually married the OW.

My niece and nephews spent their childhood, from about the age of 9 or 10, with their mother and father pounding on each other to the kids. Years and years and years of hearing you mother say bad things about your father, and vice-versa.

Well, the youngest, who always had a really hard time with all this and never really got over it, thanks to his parents, Took a gun and shot himself in the heart last February. He's been Dead for a year....because of what his fathers affair did to the family and how his mother reacted to it....

24 years old and killed himself because his father cheated on his mother when he was young and then married the OW and was made by his father to show respect for the OW......

I know that you are hurt and that you are angry. BUT DO NOT BRING YOUR CHILDREN INTO your hurt and anger.

DO NOT continue to pound on your WW to them. They are children and deserve to be treated as such no matter what YOU ARE FEELING.

No one said you should. That's not what I asked you.


Be very careful. You are dipping into areas where if you "badmouth" their mother over and over ("make certain they never forget") this is a big "no no" in Family Court.

I'm trying to warn you about something important.

Pay close attention to this, pep is correct.

There is a big difference in telling your childrene the truth about there mother, and badmouthing her in front of them.

Regardless of what would happen with custody, etc ........

IT'S WRONG to make this problem your children's problem.

Tell them what your WW did, in kid-friendly terms of course and let them know how wrong it was but don't continue to bad-mouth and bash her to them.

By doing that, you are making your feelings and anger, their feelings and anger and this is wrong.

You're still wallowing, aren't you? Yes, it sucks. We all get that, but you can either do some positive things or continue to wallow. BH-guy has it right. Why should anyone post advice to you when you don't give any sign that you're reading or taking anything in?

You don't want us to talk about your anger, but you are still acting from anger. When you act from emotion (especially anger) you don't make good choices, and you certainly aren't making good choices.

By listening to your WW spew all her justification crap to you, you are enabling her to make you angry. Why on earth would you listen to that? It's poison. Don't sit there and listen to it.

And your WW is probably right. If you have a legal separation agreement, I bet it specifies that you not say negative things about their mother in front of your kids, which means that it is illegal. There's a reason for this. Even thought she completely deserves it, it is not in your kids' best interest to hear this. Later in life, they will not thank you for this. She's their mother. She's the only one they will ever have.

You need to get yourself under control or things will continue to get worse.

You're still getting good advice. What are you going to do with it?

Hello All,

Just to update my thread...

My XWW got engaged to OM this past weekend. They plan on marrying this summer and she will be moving into OM's house. His house is about 1/4 mile from what was our marital residence.

I have discovered and been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD and depression which I have had since childhood. This created very low self esteem(which I have severely) and has created such angry responses to the A and relates to my financial struggles. It explains so much as I have been trying for years to figure out what was wrong with me.

My XWW's engagement was not unexpected but it really hurts and I am sad that my family will never be whole again.

MMF

MMF,

I'm so sorry to hear this, and I'm sorry you are hurt.

I posted to your thread this past summer, but the posts seem to have been swallowed up in the meltdown. I think it is terrible that your family has been ripped apart by this affair.

So they decided on a Valentine's Day engagement? How romantic. As you probably know, not many people here think that affair marriages stand much chance of long-term success, but I don't suppose that is of much comfort to you now. The kids are hurt, and you and hurt, and I'm sorry.

I give there affairage a 10% chance of seeing the 5yr mark.

I am very sorry this has happened to you.

How are you doing with moving on with your new life?

Gack1,

I am slowly getting to a happier place. I continue IC to treat my ADD and depression along with meds. I make the most of my time with my children and show them much love and affection. Still working through my personal issues with the hope of coming out better on the other side.

MMF

You will make it , missmy. It takes time. Sounds like you are doing a good job addressing your stuff.
It really is tough to keep one's mouth shut to the kids. I probably said some thigs I should not have, as well.