ITA jon , OM is the enemy.

James stop by the lab tonight old boy, Q has prepared a special finger for you to use when you delete that nasty old Email from OM.

Yours allways
Moneypenny

Wow, Mark; thank you for writing me this wonderful post, even though you put it in another thread and addressed it to Jon.

ok guys, She read the message and already replied back a new one that said
"I removed you from my friend's because your wife told me to remove you, you can add me back if you want in fact please do I also have yahoo my info is *** you can add me there too if you want, or maybe thats not a good idea??? could cause more drama??? Anyways I am going to the movies with my friend tonight so I will be out really late there I go rambling again I really hope to talk to you soon".

This was the exact word for word reply, guys I may need to go to plan B but I don't know. I am going to re-expose once he writes her back so I will have his message to show his wife. I am also going to meet him and have a little talk about his recontact. So what should I be doing in the mean time? Plan A is so hard knowing they are back in contact.

Now,
She just got an offer for a job to work "on site" which is where the OM works, I told her I would rather her not, she said "so you would rather me lose my job" I said "I am not comfortable with you working on site with him, I would rather you lose your job then to work there with him, yes" she said "I can't believe this the pressure is on me to make the money as is now you would rather me lose my job then to work with him!" I said "believe it" and walked away. I don't know if I handled that ok but I was just telling her the truth. I truly would rather her lose her job then to see him every day.

The fact is, her world is about to CRASH! when I file for legal seperation and move to plan B then she is left having to find someone to watch the kids on her days reality is going to smack her in the face real quick. I am going to talk to an attorney soon in regards to getting the legal seperation. I have SO MANY questions regarding plan B and SO MANY details will have to be worked out, I don't see how no contact is going to be possible.

First: we only have 2 car seats (one for each kids) and 1 car that they can go in. So we would have to switch out the car everytime we switched out the kids. We have 2 cars but the other one is old and we don't have the funds to buy 2 more car seats for it.
Second: none of my family live close so I would have to come back to the house to pick up the kids myself, i know she would not stay in the house therefore it would force me to see her.
Third: I have 0 income and that means we would still have to share a bank account, I could get my own bank account and just transfer money over to it but it would kind of be the same difference as using the same bank account.
fourth: If I set a schedule that she keeps them on mon-tue-wed i get them thurs fri and sun and we switch off sat's every other week. I can find someone to watch them on thurs when I have school but that means she will need a babysitter on Mon-8:430 Tue-8:430 and wed 8-12:00 now this is her current sched if she accepts that other job it will be mon 8-4:30 Tue-1:30-10:00 wed-8-4:30 and then her sat's she would need someone 8:30-5:00.

so now you can get a general idea of how complex this plan B will actually be. any advice would be great guys, please help. Also please read over my previous post from today.

If she goes and works "On site" with him, go file for D!


I don't understand the problem, just swap the car seats out.

I pulled my daughters car seat out of an 06 today and put it in an 86 with 480,000 miles on it. Just because I wanted to drive the old truck and I have to go pick her up after work. What does age have to do with a car seat?

Go see a lawyer, she may be the one moving out until the divorce is final.

First, you have to get a job, I don't care if you are delivering pizzas at night, you need one, and you needed it over a month ago.

Second, worrying about bank accounts at this time is pointless. You don't even need one.


So, who cares!
Thats HER problem Jon, not yours.



On a complexity scale of 1 to 10, I give it a 6.25, but YOU are making it a solid 11!

Stop making things more complex than they are.

Time to get OMW involved to straighten this out. Let her know that your WW is also thinking about working on site. Maybe she can get OM to leave his job. Your marriage will not survive further contact. How is OM contacting your WW? Block his email from your WW's account. Use some secret spy tactics to get this done. Every bit of contact sets you back. You can't allow contact to happen, and if you can no longer keep it from occuring, you need to start thinking legal separation and plan B to end the affair.

I also agree that you need to start thinking about getting some part time work at the very least, and if this starts deteriorating, you may need to put your education on hold until you get things financially stabilized. If your marriage is your number one priority, that may need to be the way you go.

Need to reexpose OMW about WW moving to work with OM.

Absolutly, 100%, do it now!

Ok guys, here is the thing, she is going to take this job and she is going to work on site with the OM there is no stopping this. I can block e-mails and facebook etc..but if they are going to talk then they are going to talk there is nothing I can do about this. I fully plan to re-expose but I am going to wait to see if she gets the job, when she gets the job it's GAME OVER! I am going to re-expose and then i am either going to file for legal seperation and go to plan B or move straight to plan D this is something I will have to think about. My WS kept calling me selfish saying "I can't believe how selfish you are, you are wanting to take money from the kids and have me lose my job just so I won't be in contact with him" I said "please don't discuss income or the kids with me" I was SO CLOSE to going into an angry outburst on this one but I still kept my cool and again she BLEW UP, and started slamming the door etc...

I had got a letter in the mail from my school, and it said I made the Dean's list with a 3.81 gpa from my last semester, i took it in her room and said "I made the dean's list" and tossed it at her to show her the letter. She said "Why did you throw that at me! What is your problem!" I said "I tossed it to you to show it to you", she started screaming "You threw it at me"! I mean it's a piece of paper.....so when she kept yelling and screaming I started smiling and snickering because I couldn't help it, she got VERY mad then and ran in her room and slammed the door. Wow I actually find her WS Fog-Babble ramblings hilarious now, and it's so hard not to laugh at her.

Oh, yee of little faith.

Jon, you really must stop listening to her


Negative, expose now.

Exposure is your best bet in stoping this.
Call HR and tell them they will be putting two affairees together.
Call OMW and tell her what is being planned.

Stopping her from getting this job is the only way to save your M, it will be to late afterwords.


I agree, file for D if she gets and accepts the position. But make it lovingly clear that if she jooses her job over her M, you will have to take action.

Do not wait.
Expose now.
You have a chance to squelch this before it starts (the job on site) and you are blowing it.

EXPOSE.

I can somewhat see her position as well. If she does lose her job, we have 0 income, we won't have any insurance on our kids, I would probably have to drop out of school because we could not afford gas, we couldn't afford our house payment or food. I do also know that if she accepts the job then our M is over. This is a very tough decision for me as well.

How long after I get the legal seperation and get the details worked out for the no contact should I send the letter?
I see plan B at this point as my only option. She said once another work at home position becomes available she will take it.
I mean look at my situation, they are already back in contact, she is falling all over him again and would love more than anything to meet up with him, guys i cannot take this anymore. I had a chance when the contact has stopped and things were getting better, but now that contact has restarted i am back at ground 0. I am going to get some more free consultations and see about getting the legal seperation.

Did you call OMW yet?

Wrong

She will earn Unemployment untill she, you, or both of you get a Job.

In the long run she has to quit that job anyway.

What is more important? Finishing school now or saving your marriage, because that is a choice you may have to make in the near future. Shoot, if you get a divorce, you'll probably have to drop out anyway due to lack of income. You need to talk to OMW as well as her employer to keep this from happening. If this happens your marriage is over, and OMW's marriage is in great jeopardy as well. Talk to OMW. If your WW gets the job, then maybe OMW will make OM quit. But standing around with your thumb up your you-know-what while things are happening around you will only get you divorced. Stop being paralyzed by fear. Contact w/ OM will kill your marriage.

And go ahead an block him from email in the meantime.

Jon, you do realize that she just extended an ivitation to OM to hook up with her tonight complete with winks and smiley faces. She has just told him she already has an aliby for tonight which will be covered for her by the good "friend" she is allegedly going to the movies with. And she can stay out "real late."

Why don't you suggest getting a babysitter and joining her at the movie tonight, and then stand back and watch her howl. You will be ruining her devious plan to meet OM tonight while she continues to gaslight and manipulate you.

You do see that and understand the invitation she just extended to OM, don't you????????

All Blessings,
Jerry

You do not want to save your marriage. Or do you?

Expose at work.

You come here and post 24/7 yet you refuse to do what needs to be done.

I'd get a babysitter and then go intervene while she's out with him.

Have a man to man talk at that point.

J,
Stop worrying. It will not do any good. Do not allow an A to continue on the grounds that you might have to quit school. Your family and your entire future is going to explode if the A continues so do not avoid taking necessary actions to expose NOW.

Do it because its the right thing to do. You are in a war. Good vs. Evil. God vs. the Devil. See how similar they are?

You need to win the war but you are worried over skirmishes like money, food school jobs. Stop worrying. Act on your goals and morels. Do it for your family. Your WW is sick and needs your help. Sometimes the cure is very painful too.

Get a PLAN!

Follow the PLAN!

Act from your PLAN!

Your marriage can survive her anger.

Your marriage can survive loss of a job.

Your marriage can survive your having to quit school.

Your marriage can survive financial hardships (BTDT).

Your marriage canNOT survive her continuing affair with OM.



Vision Statement: My marriage is the most important thing to me.

Mission Statement: I will do whatever I can toward saving my marriage. Everything I do will strive to accomplish the saving of my marriage. I will do nothing that does not lead to my marriage being saved.

Your vision sets your goal.

Your mission states the way to accomplish your goal.

Vision speaks of the purpose.

Mission speaks to the process.

Every thing you do has to support the process to achieve the purpose.

EVERYTHING!

When you compromise in the process, you give up the purpose.

When the mission fails to produce results, the vision is lost.

Business 101...

Fighting an affair 101...

Saving a marriage 101...

Mark

what gack said...

You love her but you won't be walked on.

If you keep trusting her to see how screwed up she is acting you will be waiting forever. Stand up now and smile and be nice and still take the stand.

Ok jon, so you just dont play that. k?