Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 2 of 5 1 2 3 4 5
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Originally Posted by Mulan
Mulan>cynical



I think his fame works against him.
Having said that, his marriage has value.
His wife has value.
His kids have value.
Even his dogs have value.

If Elin came to MB wanting to work with a truly repentant WH to rebuild a new marriage, wouldn't we help her?

It's not an affairage.
He's just a famous jerk.
He's not the worst jerk in the world.


Pep > marriage enthusiast

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 4,140
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 4,140
Originally Posted by black_raven
It is a good thing for Tiger that Mulan does not live in Florida when Tiger shows his face on Friday. laugh


Ha! But I'll bet there are plenty of others there who feel the same way.

Also: I know that many are really put off by the "addiction excuse", as in, "Well, it's a disease and I'm sick so I can't help it and it's not my fault!"

I look at it this way:

Nobody just wakes up one day being an addict - not without ever having used the addictive substance or engaged in the addictive behavior.

At some point, the person chooses the behavior that *leads* to addiction. *Then* the addiction itself kicks in and *then* they are truly in the grip of an illness, but not before.

No matter what kind of addiction it is - whether it's chemical like alcohol or cocaine or meth, or behavioral like gambling or shopping or sex - at some point, the person chooses the behavior that leads to the addiction and they are responsible for that choice.

If you no longer control it, but it controls you, it's an addiction.


Me, BW
WH cheated in corporate workplace for many years. He moved out and filed in summer 2008.
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 4,140
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 4,140
Quote
His wife has value. His kids have value. Even his dogs have value.

Of course they do - but not to him, except as props for his money machine. I think his long-term behavior proves that.

Quote
If Elin came to MB wanting to work with a truly repentant WH to rebuild a new marriage, wouldn't we help her?

Of course - I wish she would come here. Would be pretty funny if she is here and we just didn't realize it, and that would be fine because this is an anonymous site.

The trouble is, I'm not sure there's anything to save. I don't think he ever loved her and I think he did it strictly because his handlers told him it would be good for his image. "Oh, a wife would help my endorsements? Okay, fix me up with one of those."

I'm not sure how you can fix a marriage that never really existed in the first place. Haven't we seen that here?

What's worse is that his wife does seem to love him, but Tiger loves no one but himself. I am afraid he will simply destroy her with more lies and manipulation and cheating.

She seems to be a Buyer, but he is a total Freeloader in the marriage department. I know what that situation is like and I am afraid that's how she will end up. And I don't care how rich you are - no amount of money is worth that kind of suffering.

Not trying to argue - just hate to see someone walk blindly into that trap, and I think that's what she's doing. I guess we'll see.


Me, BW
WH cheated in corporate workplace for many years. He moved out and filed in summer 2008.
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Kobe Bryant.
Public apology = public bullchit on display (along with Mrs Bryant's ginormous diamond).
It was not pretty.

However, that was in 2003.
Seven years later, there is no indication that Kobe did not learn from his public humiliation and his wife's publicly visible broken heart.
All appearances are, that Kobe has actually reformed himself, and is in love with his wife and daughters.

It's possible. That's all I am saying.

.... No, that's not true. That's not all I am saying.
I am also saying that I want Tiger to be reformed and I want his family to be restored, if at all possible.

I would not have given my marriage a greater than 5% chance of recovery if you had asked me - back then. I know more now, because I've experienced it first hand.
And, although that "first hand" did NOT come with a ginormous diamond ring ... it would not have been a deterrent. I'm jes' sayin' ....


Pep > marriage enthusiast

Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Originally Posted by Mulan
I don't think he ever loved her

Mulan, this is the sort of remark that makes me wonder

"WHAT ???" think

I cannot presume to know the inner workings of a man I've never laid eyes on.
How can you?

This reminds me of the comment ccbis made, claiming to know how "MOST" waywards (who do not post on MB) feel about MB.

"Say, what?"

Last edited by Pepperband; 02/18/10 02:55 PM. Reason: ccbis comment
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
Originally Posted by Mulan
Originally Posted by black_raven
It is a good thing for Tiger that Mulan does not live in Florida when Tiger shows his face on Friday. laugh


Ha! But I'll bet there are plenty of others there who feel the same way.

Also: I know that many are really put off by the "addiction excuse", as in, "Well, it's a disease and I'm sick so I can't help it and it's not my fault!"

I look at it this way:

Nobody just wakes up one day being an addict - not without ever having used the addictive substance or engaged in the addictive behavior.

At some point, the person chooses the behavior that *leads* to addiction. *Then* the addiction itself kicks in and *then* they are truly in the grip of an illness, but not before.

No matter what kind of addiction it is - whether it's chemical like alcohol or cocaine or meth, or behavioral like gambling or shopping or sex - at some point, the person chooses the behavior that leads to the addiction and they are responsible for that choice.

If you no longer control it, but it controls you, it's an addiction.

I think Tiger has "entitlement addiction". Don't know that there's a cure for that, unless all the fans and advertisers go away and stay away. Then I think the entitlement thing would go away.


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 2,455
H
Member
Offline
Member
H
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 2,455
I pray for all these wayward marriages to be restored. It is an epidemic and a breakdown of society and family.

I even pray for Tiger to humble himself and have an awakening to the value of his family.

Miracles do happen which we experience with MBers on this board.

My cynical side does question this future drama of "Tiger coming out of the A closet". Is he going to try and make it right or is he going to say all the "right words" to get his endorsements back?

Isn't some big PGA tour coming in March that he wants to participate in?

If he is doing this for the above reasons...then I hope that he is inudated with questions questions questions. Let the truth be told not spinned.


Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09

Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 4,140
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 4,140
Quote
Originally Posted By: MulanI don't think he ever loved her

Well, it's been documented that he was involved with the wh*re collection before he met Elin, during their courtship, at the time of their wedding and ever since their wedding. He never changed one thing as far as behving like a single man. Is that love? That's why I said that.



Me, BW
WH cheated in corporate workplace for many years. He moved out and filed in summer 2008.
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Originally Posted by Mulan
Quote
Originally Posted By: MulanI don't think he ever loved her

Well, it's been documented that he was involved with the wh*re collection before he met Elin, during their courtship, at the time of their wedding and ever since their wedding. He never changed one thing as far as behving like a single man. Is that love? That's why I said that.

He's a sex addict.
That's what they do.
That's why he went for treatment.
Time will tell.
You hope he stops his destructive behaviors, doncha? hug


Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 4,140
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 4,140
Quote
You hope he stops his destructive behaviors, doncha?

Of course - but as we say so often around here, "hope is not a plan". I just hope Elin is not opening herself to a far worse round of suffering at his hands if it's all going to be for nothing anyway.

If nothing else, he sure is getting people to talk about how and why spouses cheat and IMO that's always a good thing.


Me, BW
WH cheated in corporate workplace for many years. He moved out and filed in summer 2008.
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
I doubt very much Tiger will utter the word "cured".

Tiger's money will buy a him fantastic PR handler, who will caution Tiger from uttering such stupidity. "I am cured." He won't say this.

Tiger's fame and wealth are working against him.
That's for sure.
It's harder to get on your knees when you are surrounded by sycophants waiting for their turn at your $$$teat.

You know, Mulan, we've known some pretty famous people.
Fame is a heavy deterrent to living a clear life. Add in the wealth, it's almost impossible. Add in attractive appearance, it's really, really not looking hopeful for a reformed Tiger's heart.
When H worked with Eddie Murphy, the "devotion" of his "employees" was so sick. It was unbelievable. Parasites completely surrounded him. Bad advice. Encouraging entitlement-thinking.

I hope that 6 weeks away from his parasitic sycophant "advisors", Tiger has a chance to reform.

But, the fame, the wealth, the handsome looks - all work against him.

Blessings can become burdens.


Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 4,140
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 4,140
I totally agree with you - and I would add that you don't have to be world famous to be surrounded by wretched sycophants who will happily watch you destroy your life if it means they can have the crumbs and leftovers. XWH's was "famous" at his Big American Corporation and it was exactly the same way.

Somebody on tv - might have been Dr. Sanjay Gupta - said that the people who get the worst medical care in the world are the very rich and the very poor. I would also say that the very rich and the very popular also get the worst "friends" in the world.

Well, let's see what happens. Maybe that golf club upside his head did more good than any amount of therapy.

P.S. I understand Eddie Murphy is now divorced with several children, his career has been going downhill for years and he has a reputation for picking up transvestite prostitutes. Wow, those "devoted friends" sure did help!


Me, BW
WH cheated in corporate workplace for many years. He moved out and filed in summer 2008.
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 10,816
2
Member
Offline
Member
2
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 10,816
I hope Pep's most optimistic prediction comes true, while I feel that Mulan's most pessimistic is the most likely outcome, here.

But for a revolting-humor contribution... perhaps Tiger could star in a remake of Stanley Kubrick's "A Clockwork Orange" (a truly bizarre movie, IMHO).

-ol' 2long

Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 1,584
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 1,584
I think Tiger may have one positive factor in his favour - Elin.

She appears to have acted with strength and determination, and to have set some wise boundaries. Tiger got away with everything because his wife seems to have trusted him and only got suspicious towards the end. I think the environment he'll have to support his self-entitled ways will be changed.

Also, his MO of convincing the current gold-digging cocktail waitress that she's 'the one' has been blown. Or rather, he'd have to look for even thicker women, and I'm not sure there are any.

TA


"Integrity is telling myself the truth. And honesty is telling the truth to other people." - Spencer Johnson
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
I watched and thought he was sincere. Of course some media people were knocking him and would have knocked him no matter what he said or did. It was much better than I thought it was going to be. I'm glad he told the media to basically shut up and leave his family alone.


BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 300
I
Member
Offline
Member
I
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 300
The hugs at the end were a little staged, though.

Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 602
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 602
Originally Posted by TogetherAlone
I think Tiger may have one positive factor in his favour - Elin.

She appears to have acted with strength and determination, and to have set some wise boundaries. Tiger got away with everything because his wife seems to have trusted him and only got suspicious towards the end. I think the environment he'll have to support his self-entitled ways will be changed.

Also, his MO of convincing the current gold-digging cocktail waitress that she's 'the one' has been blown. Or rather, he'd have to look for even thicker women, and I'm not sure there are any.

TA

My exWW will be phoning him soon.


Me BH 49 WXW 50
Married 1998
DS 2002
DD 2005
D Day 1 7/28/08
D Day 2 8/19/08

Divorce Final 3/19/2009
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 4,140
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 4,140
Originally Posted by TogetherAlone
I think Tiger may have one positive factor in his favour - Elin.

She appears to have acted with strength and determination, and to have set some wise boundaries. Tiger got away with everything because his wife seems to have trusted him and only got suspicious towards the end. I think the environment he'll have to support his self-entitled ways will be changed.

You make some very good points. No matter what happens, he'll never be able to go back to the old set-up and that can only be a good thing.

Quote
Also, his MO of convincing the current gold-digging cocktail waitress that she's 'the one' has been blown. Or rather, he'd have to look for even thicker women, and I'm not sure there are any.


That's for sure! Hope all of these brain-dead OW out there are listening, whether it's regarding Tiger or any other married man. But you're right - they're probably not.


Me, BW
WH cheated in corporate workplace for many years. He moved out and filed in summer 2008.
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 336
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 336
The way he did this, he may have enlisted the largest army of accountability witness in the history of the civilized world.

On the other hand, he might go as underground as the Marianas Trench.

Only time will tell. Actions make you a FWS, not words.

Here's hoping he really means what he says.


BH 52
FWW 50
S26 S24
EA 3/07-1/09
PA 5/07-10/08
NC finally established after eight false starts: 1/23/09
Final Version of Events 6/09
In a solid Recovery, and lucky beyond belief.
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
Well, we all know that talk is cheap. It's going to take a lot of action on his part to convince people of his sincerity.

And for crying out loud, parents! PLEASE don't encourage your kids to idolize people who get paid huge sums of money because of their athletic skills!


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

Page 2 of 5 1 2 3 4 5

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
2 members (2 invisible), 565 guests, and 54 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Bibbyryan860, Ian T, SadNewYorker, Jay Handlooms, GrenHeil
71,838 Registered Users
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5