I did expose, The HR dept at her work said that they don't deal in personal business and as long as it's not taking place at work on the company property there is no grounds for termination. Also since my Ws and the OM are not going to be in the same dept only in the same building there is no conflict. I also sent the OMW a message and I am awaiting the results of that.

Guys I have accepted the fact that this new job means the end of my M, I have my ducks in a row and I am prepared to file for D. I spoke to my WS today and said "I want you to know by taking this job you are choosing it over me and our M". she said "there is no marriage and I have chosen everything over our M, I have tried telling you over and over that if it wasn't for my job situation I would have already filed" I said "ok, I want you to know that you have put me into a situation that I don't want to be in and i am going to have to take action even though I don't want to". She said "what do you mean action, what are you going to do"? I said "don't worry about that, I want you to know that I do still have hope for our marriage and that I am willing to do anything no matter the cost to save it" This was before I spoke with HR thinking they would fire her and him both. So now it seems as if D is inevitable and I have to accept that. I spoke with my teacher tonight and they are going to let me do a work study at school so there is my income.
I called numerous lawyers today and they are all booked, I am going to keep looking to get a free consultation. Also I spoke to 1 lawyer today that said there is no legal seperation in the state of TN only D.

I need out of here, i am to the point now where my love for her is turning into hate, I have very little love for her left and it's either i get out now or I will hate her. I am killing myself, sitting up all night watching every move she makes on the computer, checking her e-mails, looking at her facebook, worrying the entire time she is out. I will tell her I did not want the D but she has forced me to file. I truly feel this D is going to be the only taste of reality she is going to get and it may be enough to wake her up, I will tell her I will drop the D if she truly wants to work on recovering our M.

The end is approaching my friends, if you all can think of anything else feel free to chime in, but unless the OMW makes him quit then all hope is lost. I will be in so much less pain once i am out of this house and I don't see her everyday.

Have you told wife's friends and aunt about this turn of events?

JP- Not that I think that you don't need to act on things, I want you to take a deep breath and listen for a moment.

You weren't in R, she was still in affairland. She never left. You may have seen some glimpses of your real W, but that was not who she is now.

Just because she is going to work with him doesn't mean that you don't follow the MB concepts or your plan. Stick to a plan and do it.

In my sitch, my WH and POSOW worked side by side for 4 years. I believe that the PA with them started as early as July 08. I am currently in a dark Plan B and WH lives with POSOW. There are times I hate WH. I always hate what he did and is still doing. Plan B isn't easy. I just want you to understand that there are still things you can do.

Did you ever read Surviving An Affair? The example in there is gut wrenching, but they recovered.

This is your plan. Whichever one you choose, work towards that. When you go into Plan B it doesn't have to be Plan B/D.

You never know what the universe has in store for you. Just do the best you can so you won't live your life with any regrets.

I cannot legally go into plan B without filing for D. If I up and leave then she can get me for abandonment. Also as I said before if the PA happens again I will file for D and move on, I forgave it one time but I will not be able to a 2nd time.

Keep working the OMW angle. You have your plan that once she starts working w/ OM again, you are going to file. Now, if you let OMW know that your WW will be working w/ OM again, she may make him leave the job, and then you can continue your plan A without threat of contact at work. Then you just need to monitor the computer and block OM from contact. OMW is your best bet at this point. Otherwise, I agree with your plan B/D if she starts working w/ OM. Don't talk to your WW about it, just do it.

Stop being so melodramatic Jon

My WW was out of the house for 5 months, and lived with OM for 2 months, and filed for divorce.

Even if you have to file, all hope is not lost.

Work the OMW. Make sure OMW knows about that they are going to be working together again.

She has been looking online for jobs all day today, she doesn't know I can see what she is getting on so she really is trying to find something else. I told her if she takes this job she is choosing it over me and our marriage and maybe somewhere deep down she doesn't want our marriage to end. I really can't wait to move on to plan B being here with her is daily torture.

I will have income at least and I have found a place to live. I go Thurs to speak with an attorney. still no word from OMW yet.

Ding Ding Ding!!!

It's not even that deep down Jon, It's just below the surface.

I don't think she will take the job, and you may not need to go to Plan-B.

But if she takes the job, Plan-B time.

What will her excuse be next week for not filing?

Last month it was she was waiting for her aunt to pay for it.

THis month, it is not the right timing with her job.

Filing makes it EASIER for the cheating spouse to fan the flames of the affair. It sets in motion all sorts of self justifications. But, again, she hasn't filed yet. Actions speak louder than words when it comes to affairs and divorce.

Do not leave your home!

what Coachswife said!!!!!

God's Blessings,

Say

Seriously- do not leave your home. She wants out- then she leaves the marital home- not you.

There is a post out here about "Men do not leave your home". I can't find it but perhaps someone will bump it for you.

Jon,

Do not let her throw you off your game. Keep up your plan A and keep up the exposure.

Jon,

One question you have to answer.

Do you want to save your marriage?

If yes, then do what can lead to saving it. If no, then file for divorce and move.

Your wife may be cake eating, but you are bordering on multiple personality disorder here.

Plan A/B or Plan D?

Not Plan C which stands for confused, confounded and chameleon-like.

You keep trying to resolve what you will do with what she says and does. You are REACTING instead of ACTING. It will be your ACTIONS that save your marriage and not your reactions to the drama and daily direction changes.

You can't FIX your marriage into being saved. You have to save it before you can fix it. If you try to fix it to save it you will not do either and will have nothing left to fix.

Try thinking about a selective plan of action here. Don't worry about tomorrow since worry is just interest you'll pay for indecision. Have a PLAN to follow.

What are her top ENs?
How can you meet them?
What Love Busters do you routinely commit?
How can you stop committing them?

Who can put pressure on the affair? Not cause grief for your wife, simply pressure the affair. You keep fighting her when you should be fighting the fantasy of the affair. The cure for fantasy is reality, not flailing against phantoms and tilting at windmills.

I'm running out of ways to say it!

If you want your marriage then meet her top ENs and avoid love busters while doing whatever you can to get in the way of the affair. Don't talk about it or argue about it or fight about it; JUST DO IT!

In bass fishing we often have to search for a way to lure the fish into biting. This is especially true during tournaments. It can be pretty simple to catch a fish that is actively feeding but they only feed about an hour at a time twice per day and if the tournament isn't being held when they are hungry tempting them with food won't do any good.

So a bass fisherman looks for a certain kind of trigger called a releaser. This releaser will elicit a strike from a bass when it is found even if he isn't hungry and has no intention of eating. This trigger can be a color, a shape, an action, a sound, a flash or a direction and can be a combination of any of these under various conditions. The guy who solves the puzzle, finds what it is that will cause the biggest bass in the lake to strike even though they don't want to is the winner of the tournament.

Bass fisherman carry lots of tackle so that they have a lot of options but by doing a little research they are able to narrow down what they have to carry and also eliminate a lot of useless stuff from their things to try. If bass in the lake don't ever see a crawfish, odds are pretty certain that a heavy crawfish bite isn't going to develop. If the main forage is shad, they will most likely trigger to something that looks like shad.

The thing is that very often the thing that triggers the most fish to bite isn't even something that even remotely looks like something they eat, have eaten or ever will eat. Ever see a purple worm? Neither has a bass, except for the purple worm with shiny silver flakes of glitter embedded in the plastic that for some reason that big ole hawg just can't seem to resist when I toss it into the top of a downed tree and jerk her into the boat. So fisherman try to find a combination of color, flash , size, shape, sound, vibration, wiggle, wobble...When he gets it just right and finds that combination the fish seem intent on committing suicide and he catches his limit in short order. Until he finds that trigger, all he does is drag water...

Identify her ENs and meet them as much as she allows. When she is resistant to your actions examine what you are doing. If you know that you are actually doing something that should make her happy you can fine tune it a bit. If she claims that it is too little too late or any such nonsense you are actually doing it right, in most cases and it IS affecting her and THAT is why she is resistant to your efforts.

Avoid all love busters which are like dropping a big rock into the water driving away the fish and causing those that remain to become wary of your presentation.

The bottom line is to find the right combination of actions that you can repeat over and over again that will attract her and trigger in her a reaction in spite of what she says she wants. Lure her back with a finesse sort of presentation instead of by throwing out a tidbit and then losing your cool when it doesn't illicit a response or the response you would like.

Catch her the way you once caught her, Jon. She fell in love with you once and you know that no matter how she tries to spin it now. Offer her something she will bite and you'll soon be reeling her in. Become the best Jon that you can be and show her that you are the man of her dreams.

Or you can just keep trying what you've been doing...

How's that been workin' for ya?

Mark

You are pissed I know but beleive it or not you can still have a good marriage. It is probably time for plan B.

The statistics are that more affairs happen in marriage than divorce.

Many people recover marriages and they become even stronger in your situation.

This is not just aout your feelings Jon. Its about actions that will effect every relationship for you for the rest of your life. Its also about the emotional security of your children. You are in charge and any decision you make will effect them.

Don't file for a D yet and don't say the D word to her yet. Get more advice here and take a breath.

Rootin for ya

In my state it's not legal to do plan B without D. If I leave it's abandonment. This is HER home, HER aunt owns it and would kick me out if my WS told her to. My WS doesn't want me to leave, because I take care of the house, and keep the kids in line. She needs a taste of reality as to what it will be like without me here. At this point I'm not sure if I even want to save the M. She is talking to him like a happy little school girl and eventually they will meet up again. I said before that if they have another PA I am going straight to plan D no questions asked.

She knows I do not want this, but she is forcing my hand. I'm telling you I am beggining to hate her. It is time for plan B because I do have a little love left in me, and I DO want to save that love that I have. Each day I am here and see these things it is making HUGE love withdrawls on my part. I know I am the giver now and I have my taker locked up, I do not EXPECT anything from her, but I will not allow her A to continue in my presence.

You have no job, where are you going?

Jon, please read the last dozen posts to you especially Marks. Pull yourself together. Do not leave your home. You can do this. Act don't react!!!!

You knew that she had not committed to the M. You knew that she was still in the fog. Re expose to OM's BW and let this run its course. Plan a means no expectations. Stay ther with your kids, enjoy them and your home and continue what you have been doing. That is how this works.

She continues to NOT do the things that she says she is going to do and you listen to her like she is speaking the Gospel. Ride this out and let OM's wife take care of things from her end.

God's Blessings,

Say

DO NOT LEAVE YOUR HOME.

I don't care how much you think this is going to help, it's NOT GOING TO HELP. DO NOT LEAVE YOUR HOME.

I agree with saynomore...keep going with Plan A for a bit longer. And don't listen to anything your WW says.

Act. Don't react.