Pat,

What exactly does this mean?........if you aren't willing to follow Plan A or Plan B, there isn't much we can do to help..... In terms of saving your marriage that is....

It means I will not get her fired from her job. To me that is being vendictive and I wont do that. At this point, wouldn't it be best to file? Since I can't do a plan B, isn't this the only other option to make her aware of the consequences?

You are not willing to fight for WW.

You are not willing to use every tool to end the affair.

You rather justify that WW keeps banging the OM.

You rather WW supports you financially, so if the the OM has to bang your WW then the OM has to bang your WW.

This is what your actions and your logic is saying.

So being that you won't stop this affair, either file for divorce, or tell your WW as she steps out, to drive safe, have a good time and don't worry about when you get home.

And when your WW gets knocked up who gets to input the OC's name?

WW and you, or WW and the OM?

I say all three so there is a built in tie breaker this way.

So when exactly will you stop fighting for your kids?

Do they know?

I have decided not post here anymore, but I think it is important to listen to what PAT says he wants.

IMHHO:
If we are all here to tally and keep score of peoples "SINS", I believe almost every BS should divorce their cheating, lying, angry, stealing, destructive and deceptive spouse.
Go ahead, judge, jury and sentance away. The book says it is O.K.
But that is not MB. No, not every marriage should be saved. I could not agree more. That descision can only be made by the TWO people in the relationship.

Good Luck to you; I hope your WW pulls her head outa her &%$#$>
---the lowly Barbiecat.

Okay, so what do you suggest without the insults?

Patriot, the first questions you should ask yourself is if you want to save your M. You have every right to want out.
This is MB, not "save your marriage at all costs".
If you decide to save it, then you need to take action and if that involves having her fired from her job, then it is a necessary step if you want to R your M.
Again, you can go on plan B and then later on to plan D...or to plan D right away.
You are the boss.
blessing

Pat --

I'm a former wayward. So I have a unique understanding of how very manipulative and conniving this breed of person can be.
I clearly remember the tactics I pulled trying to get my way.

I had a situation that very closely resembles yours. I was the primary breadwinner. I had the big career with lots of traveling. And I remember what an utter lack of respect and anger I had towards my (now X) husband.

I assumed that you wanted to save your marriage. Thats why I posted the advice that I did. Because with a woman...she cannot love a man she doesn't respect. And until you turn the tables on her and earn some respect -- you don't have a chance of saving this marriage.

It sounds like you are now just in survival mode. Play nice, get your things in order, then file for divorce. So if that's your plan, I don't have any criticism for it. Its certainly a reasonable plan.

I think the crowd here just needs to realize that you're not trying to follow a marriage-builder plan, nor are you trying to save the marriage. Then you won't get folks so upset by not following advice.

I definetly think you can accomplish an amicable divorce. Like you said, her lifestyle requires the other parent to be more stable. I think you will find her very accomodating towards custody etc. You will easily be able to have shared custody, probably 50-50 at minimum. And you will also likely be able to avoid child support and all the hassle that goes along with that -- if you are both working and providing for the kids.

If you do every other week -- she should be able to fit all of her work travel and spending time with her boyfriend into her "off-week". And it will give you some downtime to start building your own life. Too bad for the kids...
But kids are resiliant, right? They'll adjust...

If your WW doesn't get another job, you won't recover your marriage. Having a cheating spouse that travels all the time will not allow you to connect and will give her the ability to start affairs any time she so feels inclined to get her needs met outside the marriage. If you were fighting for the marriage your boundaries should be NC w/ OM and actively searching for another job where she doesn't travel. If she refused and you still wanted to save your marriage, you would have exposed her to the consequences of her actions, i.e. exposing to everyone that knowledge of the affair would have negative impact on the affair, and not bailing her out of jail and the consequences. If you wanted a divorce, you should have put her out of the house. You have traveled the non-committal middle road, and that road is going to get you absolutely nothing that you want in the end. If you want to save your marriage, or if you want a favorable divorce, you plan is the worst possible way of accomplishing it.

I am not being very clear. I DO want to save my marriage, but with my unique situation, I'm not sure how to force the issue without filling for D.

The BS should never take it lying down (that's what WS's are for).

Your situation is not unique. However, you are in a much better position than most BHs that show up here. You actually have the upper hand, but refuse to use it. Trust us, there are many stay-at-home moms that expose to their husband's employer, letting the chips fall where they may. There have been many WHs fired from their jobs that get back with their BWs. Your situation is not unique, but maybe just switched around. The advice is the same.

Then let her sink or swim on this DV/job situation. I reall thought that you had given up on the M. Your actions and your lack of a definate plan show that.

If you want to R your M why would you want to assist her in dodging the consequences of her own actions and remaining in a job where she travels much and is able to continue her A?

Maybe she should lose her job and you should get one.

God's Blessings,

Say

EXPOSURE

CONSEQUENCES

The same thing any other BS uses to fight the affair.

To save your marriage, you need to kill the affair. What will kill the affair. Your exposure on OM's side made him go nuclear last time. Why haven't you done this again. If this is all going on where she travels for work, why don't you ask her work, not to have her travel to that location? There are ways of ending contact. Your WW is more likely to leave you if she continues her affair than if she loses her job. That stats back it up. Your WW is NOT going to leave you without another man lined up. I don't think she'll leave you period. You are going to be the one that is eventually fed up with her and leaves. OR you could just put your foot down and not accept her behavior.

If you really mean that.

Call Steve Harley. Get a plan. Follow it to the letter.

Pat,

The reason nobody is telling you how to Plan B while living in the same house is because it doesn't work. We've had come here and try that......and failed (anyone remember Eyeofthestorm???....). It goes against what Plan B is, which is complete and total darkness.

You seem to think there aren't any other options but there are ALWAYS options. Sometimes one option is better than the other and sometimes BOTH options suck.

To me it seems that you are basing your decsion on what will be less painful for you, HOWEVER, what you don't know (what we have seen happen on here) is that when you chose the less painful one ( Plan C....) is that it does come with a hefty personal price......your SELF-RESPECT......

I truly do feel for you.....I remember all too well being paralyzied by the fear. Once I conquered that though, NOTHING was impossible...including saving my marriage

not2fun

Is the reason for being hesitant on filing? Austin area is not your home so filing could require you to stay in the area for the foreseeable future.

I dont understand the BH bashing - Pat has done the exposure and even had wife arrested in a far shorter and effective time line than most BH.

His WW is still in the middle of the affair and it will not end any time soon but it will end eventually.

How about listing some solutions knowing what his boundaries are and understanding that Texas does not recognise legal separation as a marriage status.


Here is what he asked:

" I realize it is time for plan B, but how to do that when you live together is hard to figure out how to manage that. of course I want to save my marriage or else I wouldn't be posting so much. "

What can he do to get a Plan B executed? How can he get her to move out?

Pat - have you thought of calling Harley's for some advice? They could find a way to execute a modified plan in your circumstance and will provide some insight of what her mind set is currently.

had a restraining order and blew it. He is now working with active ww to have the charges dismissed. WTF???

He should probably file for D and get temp orders moving her out of the house with the understanding he can delay the D for a long time if he desires.

Pat - no path you choose will be easy. Don't expect that. D will not be easy. Plan B will not be easy. However any plan is better than sitting by watching your wife screwing OM.