Sometimes the imagination can fill in the blanks with things that are much worse, and other times you couldn't even have imagined it.

Your WH is definitely gaslighting you on the emails for some reason that only he knows. He doesn't mean that the two of you won't be able to get past it, he believes that YOU won't be able to get past it.

Just stick to your plan, avoid those nasty LB's and plan for your eventual Plan B if SH suggests it.

I told WH that I mailed off the request for the records. His response was "well do what you want, have fun reading emails to my sis, brother, and whatever else." He knows good and well that what I want to see are his emails to OW. I was told that it shouldn't make a difference whether he goes through and deletes all of his emails since everything is back up on the server.

Good for you. He might get even more unbearable in the next few days, knowing that the other shoe is going to drop.

Or he might come clean, like many do knowing a polygraph is looming.

Just roll with whatever happens, stick to your plan A, and conduct yourself with dignity. You are doing amazingly well.

Thanks turtlehead.

WH just sent me another emails that said "If I leave I will let you know when. I don't want DS to have to leave from where he is comfortable" He keeps mentioning that I want to read every email that he has ever sent to anyone.

I sent the request for any and all emails because I only know of one for sure email address for OW. I asked WH once whether he sent emails to any other account (i.e. her work) and he said no. I don't trust that he'd tell the truth about that.

I have a feeling that I should just ignore everything he says for the next few days.

I'm in tears right now as I write this. I've decided to just move out and start a life on my own. I know it's only been a few weeks in Plan A but, I've endured enough emotional pain and abuse from WH at this point. I've felt emotionally abandoned for the past couple years and have been trying to stay strong through the MB program but I have just had enough.

So sorry to hear of this development RW. What happened? When you say you are moving out are you going into Plan B? I think you should go to Plan B and give him the Plan B letter that you put together and Turtle edited.

Mindshare

I am sorry to hear this but not all that surprised. He's treating you horribly, you have a place to go to. I agree with mindshare that Plan B is a good idea. You can always reconcile or divorce later. You need a break right now. You don't need to be making big decisions.

Also, realize that you're crying for what *might have been* not for what WH is right now. I think after a while in Plan B you'll feel ten times better.

Does your Mom understand what the job of intermediary is? Can she do it? She is pretty involved emotionally. She may not be able to distance herself and filter out all the noise and only pass on the necessary information. Can she do that? Can she refrain from LBing your WH? Can she refrain from counseling you?

If not, you can still use her for a few days until you find someone else.

Do you have the link for ML's Intermediary Training School, RW?

It is really important for the IM to be neutral and to filter the information ~ I think ML says in that thread that she only conveys a very small percentage of what the WS asks her to pass along. I agree it may be difficult for your mom...but maybe after she learns more about her role, she can better decide. LMK if you need the link, I can find it for you.

Hang in there!

I gave WH the Plan B letter. All week he has been ignoring me at home. He would keep badering me telling me that I do not want to recover since I am wanting to know information from 2 years ago. and etc. I know he was just rying to intimidate me from requesting and reading the emails. But, I just couldn't take any more. Yesterday afternoon he started ignoring my emails. At that point I had enough of being treated as if I'm not of importance to him. I've learned how to control my AOs and etc. the past few weeks and I didn't think I could keep going with it having to face him every day and have him ignore me. It really hurts when my son would be sitting right next to me and WH would interact with him and act as if I wasn't there at all.

WH says that he isn't going to pass message thru anyone, that he's going to talk to me directly. I told him that I will not respond to his calls or text messages. He sent me a few yesterday and I didn't even read them.

My friend that would be great at being my IM is pregnant and due to have a baby next week so I won't add that stress to her life. I'm going to have my sister be my IM and point her to the thread SusieQ mentioned. I believe that I do have the link saved.

You will need to put up a strong fortress to ensure total blackness with your WH. He sounds stubborn and like he's accustomed to getting his way.

If you can, block his phone number from your cell and put a rule in your email that auto-replies with your Plan B letter and deletes his email so you never see it.

If WH texts you, change cellphone numbers if you can't block his from texting yours. I've seen lots of people go into Plan B seemingly committed and then break down when they get texts and "just have" to read them. The Plan B disintegrates and things pretty much self destruct at that point. It's very stressful for the WS. So if you can do anything to avoid ever seeing his texts, take steps now to ensure you have that protection in place.

Plan B is going to be good for you. Your WH needs a lot of time to deal with himself instead of projecting all his anger and blame onto you.

Good advice turtle. I was slow to act on doing the auto replies and auto deletion of his emails. He's already sent two of them to me...

Hey RW!

Turtle is exactly right. You cannot let his messages get through to you unfiltered. They must go through the IM. Otherwise, you are not truly in Plan B. If it means blocking his number from calling/texting then call your carrier and do it. If it means blocking his emails then do it. It takes discipline on your part to remain in Plan B but you can do it. This is an opportunity for you to take a break from the abuse of WH. If he is still reaching you through messaging of some kind then you aren't truly getting that break that you need. Remember, the goal is to preserve the remaining love that you have for WH before it's completely gone.

Mindshare

RW, has your sister sent the first email yet telling your H she will serve as IM and to pass communications through her?

I was an IM for all of one day and I had spoken to a vet here on the board about it. I was told the WS would freak out and, boy, did he ever...get her that info ASAP so she is ready. Ex., if he sends her a nasty email telling her forget it, he isn't using her, etc, she should not even tell you she heard from him.

He WILL NOT like your Plan B, and like the other have said, he will try to get through ~ so think of every single way he may try to contact or see you and get yourself ready.

BTW, I think you are REALLY strong {{RW}}

My sister does not have access to her email at work. She will have to send him an email this evening when she arrives at home.

I'm thinking he will try and use my son to get through to me. My in-laws are distraught over the fact that I'm moving out and want to sit down and talk with us tomorrow. Should I offer to speak to them sepearately?

I added to my auto reply that all messages will be instantly deleted so WH will get the picture. He's fully intent on talking to me when, where and by what ever means he wants to.

I went online and could not find a way to block him from my cellphone. I will call our carrier today. We are on a family plan so if I changed my number he could log on and see what I changed it to.

My apt. won't be ready until the 15th. I'm not sure if I should just let me DS stay wtih WH until I get my place and I sleep on family's couch or take DS with me? WH takes really good care of DS so that won't be a problem.

RW,

I see absolutely no problem speaking with the IL's but you must do it separately. Explain to them that it is too painful for you to be around WH right now and you are doing this to preserve the remaining love that you have for him before it turns to hate. You need to be able to tell IL's how WH has caused you tremendous pain and how he is not willing to do the things necessary to try to save your family. Hopefully, they can apply some pressure to him.

Call your cell carrier and explain your situation. Tell them that you want to block calls and texts from WH's number. I'm pretty sure you can do that so check with them.

If the apt won't be ready until the 15th then you should probably split DS's time between you and WH assuming that you trust him to properly care for DS.

Does WH know where you are currently staying? Don't let him know where the apt is located.

You are a strong young woman RW! This is hard stuff but I'm confident you can do it.

Mindshare

Thanks Mindshare. I'm def removing my mom as IM. My sis will do a better job. WH contacted my mom by email this afternoon for silly reasons. He wanted to ask who is picking up DS and to see how we will split the bills for March. I have already emailed my sis with the money info earlier this morning before I knew she went in to work early. So he will get that information to his email later this evening. My mom called me to tell me that WH had contacted her and wanted to know who was to pick the baby up. I told her that was not an emergency and that WH was trying to play dumb.

He just sent me a txt... I can't wait until I'm off work and can handle things like I want to.

You all are psychic! lol

WH has been trying to contact me all day. When I am off work I will call the cell carrier and get them to block his number for me. After getting the response from my IM that she isn't going to pass me that flimsy message (though she did) then he started trying to contact me.

One of the things that would bother me about WH and I is that he didn't take me seriously all the time. I guess he didn't really need to since I was always willing to flex my boundaries for him. I know for a fact that right now he doesn't believe that I can withhold my commitment to NC with him until he's done the things outlined in the letter.

And just as I thought his excuse to talk to me is DS. Though if he were truly concerned about who's picking him up (which I am scheduled to do so) then he would call our dayc are provider and ask them if DS was still there when he got off work. I get off work earlier than WH and would be there in time to pick DS up before WH even gets off work.

RW,

This is perfectly normal. I would be surprised if WH wasn't trying to break through to contact you. You are doing well. It's important that you get your sister up to speed on being the IM and get her to start running interference for you.

As for who is picking up the kid and how bills are paid, those are day to day things that do need to be worked out so no problem with him asking those things as long as he asks the IM and your response goes through the IM. I'm sure he will continue to try to use your DS as a means to make contact with you.

You are doing great so far!

Mindshare

Understood, if I had known that my sis was going in to work early I would have given her the info about bills and etc. so that she could have sent it to him last night. though I'm sure he would have just come up with a different excuse as to what to call about.

Mind you today he has made just about the more telephone calls, emails, texts to me than he has in the past two years.

Oh, and thank you for the support! I was getting hopeless a couple days ago