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Okay, so is the suggestion I file and show her I mean business? I can't do a Plan B and you're right, this is not working and I don't want to continue like this.
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Always the cart before the horse with you.
You must expose fully, including work.
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Okay, so is the suggestion I file and show her I mean business? I can't do a Plan B and you're right, this is not working and I don't want to continue like this. I'm formulating something BUT first I need you to answer this (I've asked it twice already)..... If you follow through with the charges, how do you KNOW she will be fired? Where did you get that information, and have you talked to HR to confirm this is a guarentee?
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Forget plan B and filing, for now.
Do a full exposure and let it work to kill the affair. Once the affair is dead you have your WW where you want her. Staying at home married to you. Besides this gives you time to plan A a little bit more.
Then the recovery process can be started. Better to start recovery living together rather apart.
Stop that letter to allow WW beat the charges.
I think thats enough for you to do.
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I read her companies rules of conduct and the clause she had to sign states that any conviction needs to be reported. A dismissal does not.
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Cant answer for her employment but at my work we have to sign a Code of Business Conduct each year and it states any arrest of any kind is grounds for termination. I believe this is a common practice - her charge is also a "violent" crime so I can imagine that carries more weight as well.
There is no guarantee that her HR wont find out until it is dismissed and the arrest is expunged anyway. Two different processes.
If you file, on grounds of adultery - temp orders can hold you until you find employment but I would guess that you will tied to the Austin area for employment opportunities
Last edited by rwinger; 02/24/10 12:48 PM.
Me:52
W: 52
Married: 32 yrs
2 Sons (29 & 23)
1 Dtr (20)
1 GDtr (2.5) precious little girl
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I think you have this backwards, Pat. We've been asking you this question for a while.
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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NUCLEAR EXPOSURE - kill the affair. It's just like dropping the atom bomb. Sure, there was collateral damage, but it ended the war. You have a chance to completely blow up the affair for good.
Last edited by jmwc95; 02/25/10 04:09 PM.
Jim BS - 32 (me) FWW - 33 Married 8/31/03 No kids (but 3 cats) D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA) NC agreed to - 11/8/06 NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07 Status - In Recovery Jim's Story
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"conviction needs to be reported. A dismissal does not."
When you write the letter there won't be a conviction.
Keep proping up WW's affair.
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"NUCLEAR EXPOSURE - kill the affair."
No, no, no, this plan will never do.
Pat will never do anything to end this affair. This is why exposure is unacceptable. Pat does not want anything that will work.
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But careful, TheRoad. If you tell him he's doing it wrong he's going to tell you to get lost.
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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Okay all I get it. I am talking to Haley tomorrow, I'll see what he says.
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Give Harley a call too..
Grats Pat
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I did expose to all his freinds and family. Her family wont talk to her and her "friends" are now thinking I'm some sort of crazy stalker. Not that I give a sh@t what they think, but now she can talk to them about it. Before you say it, I agree, not much of a friend if they don't abmonish her for her behaviour, but they are helping to enforce it by saying "do what's best for you" or what your heart is saying. And no, I am not taking her word on it, I see and hear the conversations. Before, she wasn't talking to anyine. Now, she is on the phone all the time with them. Not sure if exposure got the results I wanted. Anyway I talk to Harley today, maybe he has some ideas because I don't.
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Ah she figured out some spin for her buddies, all about how "silence of the lambs" smart and crazy you are. You will eventually have to laugh at this crap Pat so just don't take it to serious.
We all hope your WW will see how foolish she is acting too.
Me 56 Former BS Widowed 5-17-09 --married 25 years. 4 children DS-35 previous marriage--18-22 DGrandSons 6 and 4 Me former BS DD-29 with DGDs 5 and 1yr DSs 26 and 23 Teilhard de Chardin..“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” ...Sounds about right to me.
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Pat -
Let us know what transpires during your session. Still learning this stuff as well and certainly not an expert.
Hang in there
Me:52
W: 52
Married: 32 yrs
2 Sons (29 & 23)
1 Dtr (20)
1 GDtr (2.5) precious little girl
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Okay all I get it. I am talking to Haley tomorrow, I'll see what he says. We all know you meant Harley. That being said, this is the best thing for you to do. I've thought this for awhile now. Go Pat!  Love in Christ, Miss M
me: FBS
H: FWS
Fully recovered
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