No problem. We are here for you RW. I still have hope that this will all work out for you. Wait... scratch that. I know this will all work out for you. You are going to be fine with or without WH. Keep proving him wrong about your boundaries and your resolve to hold true to them.

Also, while you are in Plan B focus on you! Eat well, get some exercise, go to the salon, etc. Try to spend time with friends and family when DS is with WH. Taking care of yourself and keeping up your strengh is very important during Plan B.

Does she have a copy of the Plan B letter?
She needs to keep her judgments and emotions out of this too.
I know, it's hard hard hard because she cares for you.
It would be best if she responds to his "Who's going to pick up DS?" type inquiries with just a copy of the Plan B letter and no further comments or embellishments. It's spelled out nicely in there.

You totally rock, did you know that?
You were strong before but now that you're in Plan B you are... well, words fail me! You're amazing!

See? You're way ahead of me.
Like I said, you totally rock at this.

Hey RW! How are you doing today? Did you get everything squared away with your sis to be your IM? Did you get calls, texts, emails blocked so you can stay dark in your Plan B?

Hi mindshare. I'm ok today. Today apparently WH agreed to all the terms I put in the plan b letter. He's going to start back reading SAA this weekend, I emailed him the questions I had. For the first time he did not say he can't remember. That was a total shock.

OW sent an email to WH and I joint acct. He read it and immediately told me that she sent it. I told him to just delete it. Later I went back and permanently deleted it and asked him next time to delete it immediately without reading it.

OW parents finally got the exposure letter in the mail. And now that we left the church ppl are apparently circling back to her to ask what the deal is. She's apparently been throwing WH under the bus saying the emotional attachment was on his side only.

I will say I too am guilty of reading the msg she sent. I wasn't going to at first but, since WH read it I wanted to kno what it actually said. She apparently is worried that I ruined her reputation. The msg was filled with lies. she said she never had any romantic feelings for WH nor will she ever. In it she also claimed She would have never befriended him if she knew it was causing marital problems. I stopped reading it after the first paragraph but noticed a section where she had advice to us that we should fix our problems. Thanks for the enlightenment OW.

I think WH feel embarrassed now to find out he's been thrown under the bus.

I had an appt yesterday with my IC which came right on time after the week I had. After getting the answers to my questions I have resolved that I was not going to let my thoughts be consumed by WH's EA.

Last night I took DS with me to have dinner at a friend's house. She has a little girl around the same age as my DS. I was glad to get a chance to get out of the house and just relax.

One of the shortest Plan B's ever RW. I had a feeling he wouldn't last long.

Make him earn it. Set the bar high and keep it there. Stick to your boundaries. This is a very positive development and I have great hope for you guys but you cannot let down your guard at all right now.

Continue your MB work. Identify each others EN's and work on meeting them. Make sure your WH is doing the work also. If he is really on board he should be carrying at least half of the load (if not more) at this point.

As for email from OW, please block it. Block her email address from your account or get rid of your account all together and start a new one. Neither one of you should hear from her ever again. NC as you know is crucial to your marital recovery.

Mindshare

Ditto what mindshare said.

Set the bar high - active GPS on WH's phone and car. Block OW's phone, emails, everything you can think of. Change phone numbers if you have to.

Be vigilant.

I'm very hopeful, especially since OW is throwing WH under the bus. That is awesome.

I thought that was quick too. I was thinking I'd get lots of practice at sticking to my guns with plan b.

I do have a GPS tracker on his phone and will work on getting the one fir his car. Thanks for warning me about letting my guard down and to set the bar high.

When you say that WH should be pulling more than half the load what do you mean? I'm soft natured so I will have to work hard at being sure I stick to my boundaries and keeping the bar high.

Going to block OW emails now...

What I mean is that if WH is serious about recovering your marriage and making it better then ever then he should be willing to do the MB work along with you. He should be trying to meet your EN's. He should no longer deny that he had an affair. He should be absolutely transparent with you. He should be open and honest. He should truthfully answer any questions you have without getting upset with you. Basically, he should be showing you through his ACTIONS that he is committed to you and to the recovery of your marriage. That's what setting the bar high is about.

You should get right back into a few sessions with Steve Harley now that WH has hopefully turned a corner.

Mindshare

Print out what mindshare wrote and keep it in your pocket so you can refer back to it and remind yourself of how things SHOULD be.

Don't settle for crumbs here.
Lay the groundwork so this (recovery) can be done RIGHT.

I emailed myself mindshare's post and will print it out today. I'll keep a copy in my phone too so that I can have it on me where ever I am.

Thanks all, I appreciate your support.

WH is supposed to call on Monday and schedule an appt. for us with Steve.

It's quiet around here right now. We have to wait until next week for our call with Steve due to $.

WH has been like a new man the past few days. He's even been planning activities for us to do to spend time together. He does need help in ways he can meet my emotional needs. I believe this is what Steve has planned for us to talk about during our next call. our last assignment was to send him the EN and LB questionaires we filled out.

I'm still working to meet his ENs and snooping of course.

I'm thankful to have peace in my home right now but, of course I am still having a watchful eye on WH's actions.

Thanks for checking on us!

Any suggestions on how to curb DJs? I've been working at it and have corrected my thought pattern that leads to some DJs that were blatantly obvious to me once I realized what DJs were.

I really want to work on this because now I realized I do this not only to WH (which of course is bad) but also to family, friends and even people that I don't know.

ETA: WH's top EN is admiration. Is there any harm to ocassionaly repeating (in a different way) something I've said before. For instance the fact that I appreciate he's a hard working guy? I'm running out of ideas and am assuming that as our love for each other grows it will be easier to "admire" him.

Funny, so simple yet profound! Thanks Pepperband

I've always said I'm not a judgemental person but,now that I've started listening to what actually comes out of my mouth I disagree.

RW, I am glad to hear about this turn of events for you.

DJs, statements where you are telling your H what he "should" do are DJs. Once Jennifer told me that, oops, I realized I did it ALL the time! Any time you think you "know better" than H, watch out, a DJ is nearby...

I read a post by JustLearning soon after I got here that talked about how he noticed a lot of As began by the OW "crying" on the WHs shoulder about problems...how this is meeting the EN of admiration and how the EN of admiration is much more complex than giving compliments. It was a big a-ha moment for me because this was exactly what had happened w/my H and his OW.

So I realized that I had become dependent on my sisters and close friends when I had something I wanted to discuss. I really try to turn to WH now for issues (work related & personal) and am respectful in listening to his thoughts and feedback. Also every day I ask him about work and really try to listen and ask follow up questions without any DJs. I also let him "explain" or "teach" stuff to me. This is a great way to meet the EN for admiration, anything he may be interested in, hobbies, work, etc.

HTH!