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TE,
It will never make sense, so why bother trying to make sense of it. Just know that all waywards do that same rewrite of history.
"I'm not happy."
"I haven't been happy in ____ years."
"I've never been happy with you."
"I never really knew what happiness was."
"We got married for the wrong reason."
"We got married too ___(soon/young/early/late)"
"I haven't loved you in ___years."
"I never really loved you."
"I never really knew what love is."
"I never really loved you."
Expect to hear any and all of these in combination and individually. They're part of the wayward script. All waywards read from it. If you want to you can pretty much ignore every single word of it. If recovery starts then the wayward won't even recall saying these things 6 months or so down the road.
Mark
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I posted this on another thread. Most of it fits here as well. For her own selfish reasons, she is destroying a family that includes her two sons. I would tell her exactly that with no flowery words, just be blunt.
She is on an affair "High," that is similar to what people have when they are taking meth or crack cocaine. I would tell her that in those exact words.
Eventually, the affair high will just. . . stop. It is the way brain chemicals work. This is why very, very few affairs work long term: about 5%. BUT of course, from almost a hundred percent of them, you hear all this gag me stuff like.
1. My best friend for life.
2. My soul mate.
3. He/She is perfect.
4. We will be so happy forever.
And other garbage. It is if those in an affair get a brain injection (or lower down) that makes them say and do the same stupid things. People who are in an affair should carry a sign that says, "I'm stupid."
Then one day, the PEA (chemical) will stop being produced and the only thing that will hold them together is pride and ego cause the romance has stopped. It ALWAYS does.
And your wife will ride the Karma Bus. And she will then understand the sign.
Unless you can stop her now. And stopping her will depend on how much pressure you can put on her. Like total exposure. Larry
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People who are in an affair should carry a sign that says, "I'm stupid." Then the BS can carry one that says ![[Linked Image from cool-smileys.com]](http://www.cool-smileys.com/images/208.gif)
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Yep 
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Met with a lawyer today. Initial consultation $250. Basically said he shouldn't take my case because he doesn't work much in my county. Could have told me that on the phone for free when I asked.
Also said I should not have sex with WW because it could affect alimony. Act of sex is like forgiveness.
Have an appt with another lawyer next Thurs.
BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011
Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
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It's the Great Wayward History Rewrite�. If life was so unhappy for all those years, how come we have all these photos of us --taken all over the world-- of us smiling and having such a good time? We've got pictures in Budapest, Vienna, Paris, London, New York, Provence, New England, Long Island, Florida, Philadelphia, and many more places... and we're happy in all of them! BTW, I heard that gem this weekend: "It's not about the OM." Really, then why do you keep writing him emails?!!
Last edited by TryingEverything; 02/18/10 09:44 PM.
BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011
Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
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I've switched from Plan A to more of a 180, time to move on attitude. I can't afford another place to live, so I don't see how a dark plan B is possible. We have no family in this state, and very little money, so I've got nowhere else to live.
I moved downstairs to our spare bedroom and have distanced myself from my WW emotionally. I have been avoiding all talk with her, unless it pertains to the kids.
I am being cold. I feel like filing for D.
This morning we saw our MC and I let my WW know that the window of opportunity for her to save this marriage is rapidly closing. I was very cold and distant in the session.
I told her that I could do better. That I could get someone who didn't lie to me. I could get someone who didn't cheat on me. I could get someone who wanted to have sex with me.
On the ride back from the session, she put her arm around mine. Maybe reality is starting to sink in a little for her... Nah!
BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011
Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
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I am out of town on business for a few days. Meanwhile, a cousin in WW's family just got very sick and is in the ICU. He may die.
Keylogger reveals WW has contacted OM about this, as he knows the cousin.
How should I confront WW with this info, without revealing my source?
BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011
Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
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It seems like every time I start to feel bad and want to make things work with my WW, I find that she is still writing him emails.
This is really exasperating!
BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011
Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
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This is really exasperating! Yes, it is. Why don't you do something about it besides make excuses for her?
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I am falling apart. It's like a bad dream that keeps getting worse.
Today's WW email to OM:
"You have been my best friend, lover and kindred spirit for 2 years and that's why I still miss you. This is so impossible. And yes, I think I do know you have been all that and more. That's why I keep missing you."
Last edited by TryingEverything; 02/24/10 08:40 PM.
BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011
Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
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Posts: 561
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I can't take anymore. I think I just have to file for D... 
BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011
Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
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Posts: 15,284
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IF that is what you feel, quit talking and do something. She has had this affair for almost 1/3 of your marriage. You don't think she is going to just quit it do you? You don't think you just doing a few things is going to make any difference do you? Something has to change or nothing changes. Your call. You will have support either way as long as you do something. I would strongly advise better counseling but ultimately you have to decide to do what my old college football coach yelled at my one day. Da** boy don't just stand there, do something wrong right once in your life. Ultimately, you may have to do something you don't feel is right or best, but if you do it right. Think about it. God Bless, JL
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My favorite...
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.
Are you tired of being insane?
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Are you tired of being insane? Of course I'm tired of being insane. I just keep hoping the fog will lift. I love my kids so much. And I am so worried about the financial cost of the divorce and selling our house in this market. We are f-ed financially. I just can't believe she has done this to us, and keeps doing this to us. It is complete insanity!
BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011
Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
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Posts: 561
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Posts: 561 |
Tomorrow I meet with a lawyer for an initial consultation. Unless a miracle happens with my WW, I am going to file for D within the next week or so.
Since WW and OM are still contacting via email, I was thinking about one last exposure... to OM's Facebook friends. Not sure I have the energy or even care enough anymore to save my M.
Anyone else done a Facebook exposure?
BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011
Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
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TE- You are not alone. It is amazing to me how similar we actually are. I am also having a consultation with lawyer tomorrow. I'm planning on filing for legal separation (deep down I still don't want D) and finding out how to have her removed from the house. As a SAHM who just started working full time from the home, she has no intention of leaving and neither do I.
I sort of did a FB exposure. I contacted OMs friends and family after finding him on FB. I got some cooperation with his SIL and sister, but not enough to make a difference. I do recommend it though because it definitely interfered with their little fantasy. WW was furiously defending OM and accused me of stalking OM and OMW. Whatever.
I vote to do it. What do you have to lose at this point?
-SOL
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Tomorrow I meet with a lawyer for an initial consultation. Unless a miracle happens with my WW, I am going to file for D within the next week or so.
Since WW and OM are still contacting via email, I was thinking about one last exposure... to OM's Facebook friends. Not sure I have the energy or even care enough anymore to save my M.
Anyone else done a Facebook exposure? Mel has a recommended letter over on NSX thread I think. Not hard to find. It is designed for facebook. Alter to fix circumstances. It was posted today. Larry
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Ok, here it is. Alter for gender differences;
Here is a sample letter:
Dear friends of Skankyhola,
It grieves me to write this letter but I believe all of her friends should be aware that Skanky is having an affair with my husband, Joe. We have been married for 5 years and have a 4 year old and another baby on the way. I am now 5 months pregnant with our 2nd child. They have been having this affair since October according to the evidence.
I would be happy to provide the evidence to anyone who asks.
I would ask that you use your influence with Skanky to persuade her to leave my husband alone. You should also watch your own husbands around her because she is no friend to marriage.
I would appreciate it if someone would notify her parents and ask them to call me at xxx-www-xxxx.
Thank you, BW
It was in the KKlost thread.
Larry
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TE- You can also take a look in my thread, Want New Start-She Doesn't to see how my exposure went. I also got a great starter letter there and posted my actual FB letter in my thread for feedback.
I would paste the link, but I'm still not that savvy on the boards. My thread may be worth a look anyway as I think our situations are pretty similar.
-SOL
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