If it had ENDED then I would not want to know. Ignorance is bliss

Put it this way, if I had an A (which I never had) and it ended, the only reason I would tell my W would be to ease my own guilt and make myself feel better at her expense. That seems totally cruel to me

What do you want me to learn?

Hi everyone, ok here's my story

Last june my wife told me the marriage of 8 years was over. We have been with each other 16yrs since I was 15 and she 13. We have a 2yr old son. I asked her why and she said I love you but am not in love with you. Reasons were that I don't stand up 4 her to my family etc. Now there were a few incidents where I did but to them I stand up for her but with her I kinda take their side. It's complicated cause we live in australia and family in abroad so don't want to create to much drama if possible.

Anyway few days later I ask if there is someone else and then it all came out about a guy in work that she loves and wants to be with him. He is 11yrs older married with 5 kids and japenese with not great english. Now I was aware they were good friends sharing interests in spirituality etc but I never suspected this.

She moved to her cousins house to think about things and in the next few weeks tried to distance herself for this other guy being the main problem. I thought it was finished until I found texts in her phone a few weeks later saying basically how they feel. She has moved to her own unit now and is adamant there is nothing going on and they are just friends. His family know about the affair and his wife wants him back. Her parents know everything and have told her if she goes ahead with it they will not speak to her. But being in another country they don't want to believe it if you know what I mean.

I tried everything to get her to commit to marriage but she kept saying its not about him I don't love you and its over no matter what. She says she has feelings for him but has a wall up there and knows she can't go there. Two weeks ago I told her she could not come into our house or have the car as she left those things and if she wants to be on her own then fine. My attempt at a plan B??? We have aggreed to joint custody of our son but sometimes she threatens that I can't have him if she can't have the car, but I have never been denied seeing him.

Now I don't know what to do. I want my marriage to work but after all the lies I don't know how I can trust her. She wants no part in trying to make marriage work but wants to be friends. I have told her that I don't want to be with the person she is now in the hopes that taking away her safety net might help but it hasn't.

Is this about him or does she really not want to be married anymore. Please help! She says I am controlling her life and using everyone against her etc.

I think he is living with friends but his wife last week says she was feeling good so I don't know. Hard to speak to her as she has not much english.

**edit**

Thank you to the people who have given me positive, constructive steps to take in severing this connection once and for all. Gotta lose that FB account ASAP for step one. Man, I let that site get the better of me.

We talked on the phone all the time, both our voices trembling the entire time.

We were both shaking so bad we almost caused an earthquake.

Both flush

With a trembling voice

but doesn't burn for him the way she does for me

**edit** Nothing has happened EVER. Nothing is going to happen. We agreed to this. I came here seeking advice on how to shut the feelings off. It seems like 95% of the people attacking me and calling me a troll didn't even bother to read the whole [admittedly long-winded] post.