Any other questions or things I should be prepared for when I ask her to move out? Should I be cold, nice, ?

Sorry, I know some of these questions seem odd but I havent had much time to think on it.

I'm not sure I understand your question here...You will need daycare for the children, right? You will be in charge of providing that for them since they will remain with you, correct? Until something legal goes into effect, at which point, I'm sure she will have to take on some responsibility for helping with daycare costs...

She works...She will be in charge of figuring out her own finances...

Mrs. W

No, I meant that I keep the boys while she runs around and does what she pleases. So she doesnt take responsibility for them because I'm always a fall back (a no cost fall back).
Same with money...as long as I am here she has no worries.

Well, I hope they are with me....but that will be a sticking point I am sure.

I would be matter-of-fact. This is what she wants, right? You are giving her what she wants - she should be HAPPY about it - I'd act shocked if she wasn't...Be assumptive - I mean having affairs is a clear indication of not wanting to be married, isn't it?

Mrs. W

Yes, she is being a rebellious teenager and has cast you in the role of "Daddy"...Nope, that's over...

She wants to be single? Then she will have to be HER AGE and do that...Lots of responsibilities when you are single and 33...Time for her to grow up...

You can't have all the benefits of being married while acting single - that isn't how the real world works...

Mrs. W

And what a joke that is, huh? The sense of entitlement in wayward wives never ceases to amaze even me...

Have affairs and still expect to keep the marital home and children...It's truly insane...

Mrs. W

well, I was thinking of telling her something like...

you have been blessed with so many wonderful things but you do not appreciate them at all

instead you obsess over what you dont have, you engage in horrible behavior such as serial cheating, pathological lying and spousal abuse

despite my many efforts, you still have no desire to work on the marriage

I think you should move out and live life with no support from me...the boys should remain here since it is their home and they need to maintain as much stability as possible during this time

sounds a bit love busting once I typed it though

Ark,

I would keep it simple and do what Mel told you to do - Agree with her counselor! Ask her when she is moving out and where she will be moving.

About the boys - go on the ASSUMPTION that they are STAYING in the marital home. Known as the "assumptive close" in sales.

So when you ask her where she is moving, you might include, "I would think a 2 bedroom apartment would be best, so the boys will have somewhere to sleep when they visit you".

Don't let this get out of hand - remain calm when/if she flips out.

If needed, you can calmly state something along these lines:

"I am not the one that wants out of the marriage. I have done nothing wrong. Why would I leave my home? The boys will be experiencing enough trauma with their parents splitting up, they do not need the additional upset of being removed from their home. This is the only way that makes sense".

Mrs. W

You don't need to lecture her or beat around the bush. Just tell her you have thought about it and agree with her psychologist that divorce is the answer. You would like to move forward with that plan and would appreciate it if she made plans to move out in the next 2 weeks. You feel that you and the boys have been through enough trauma becuase of her adulteries and don't intend on giving up your home. You would agree to a visitation schedule once she gets her new home set up as long as the boys are not exposed to any affair partners.

Be firm and calm.

Even offer to help her move! Be a gentleman!

Not that it matters, but does Plan B work very often in regards to bringing about reconciliation? I know its usually successful in ending the torment.

I don't know, sometimes couples do reconcile, sometimes not. The good thing about is that if your wife does not wake up, you will be so detached that you won't bat an eyelash if it goes to divorce. Also, you will feel better than you have in YEARS of dealing with her abuse.

ark, what is the plan?

I plan to talk to her today.
Ask her to move out.

Good man! I will say some prayers for you, ark.

If she refuses, I would just let her know that you can't live like this anymore and will be contacting an attorney. Let her know this will not go down easy and you will be going for full custody and possession of the house. She needs to know you won't make it easy for her. Tell her that you would much prefer to just separate now and move on.

Thank you. I'm more concerned now about the little boys' situation. She is selfish and thinks she deserves to take them. She doesn't see how horrible a parent she really is. That is as big a fantasy as her affair.

"our children have paid enough for your affairs. They shouldn't have to be ripped from their home, too. They need as much security as possible and I intend on making sure they have it."

What state are you in?? Is it a fault state?

Oklahoma - I've been told by the lawyers that the courts are only concerned about the welfare of the child and want both parents in their lives. Unless the adultery compromises the child's welfare (it wouldn't in this case) then it is not considered. In their words, we don't use custody as a way to punish a poor spouse.

Had I filed for divorce when she was involved with the alcoholic then I would have had a good case, but I was doing Plan A then and she finally stopped contact with him and defogged. She now says she cant stand that guy.
Interestingly, she cannot see that she is doing the same exact thing as the first time - and almost on the same calendar timeline.