Okay, first, a little rant and a thank goodness. DSx2 let me know that POSOW was in the car to come and pick them up. She hasn't been since DS9 told WH it bothered him. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH DARN WAYTURDS. I am thankful though that I decided to NOT do Operation:Olive Branch part deux today because that would have been really BAD. ARGHHHHHHHHHH rant OVER.

So last night, I was at my sister's for Easter part 1. My mom was doing the dishes when she said, "Scotty, would you be mad if I went home?" I thought she meant she would leave me there and I would have to get someone else to take me home so I said, "I am sure scotty's sis would give us a ride." She said, "what?" and I asked, "When you leave." She said, "No would you be mad if I moved back in with your father?" I said, "No, Why would I be? You are an adult and you have to make your own choices."

We talked a bit more about why she would leave POSOM. She said he isn't nice and that he says some horrible things to her. She feels guilty about what she did to my dad. She sometimes says some pretty crazy wayturd things. On the way home, she asked me what I was thinking about. I was talking to her about what she is doing and how I know more about what she is doing than she does and that sometimes I just have to treat her with kid gloves. She asked me what I meant. I told her that she is having an affair and that makes me very upset. That she isn't always herself and it drives me CRAZY. She said, "It is still considered an affair even though I didn't sleep with POSOM until after I moved out?" I said, "are you still married? Then YES." After that she got really quiet. As we were pulling up to my house I told her that although Dad doesn't want to come on here that I think that she should. Not to post, because I don't think she could handle that yet. I think I am going to let her borrow SAA and see what she thinks.

Oh on a happier note. My mom told me that POSOM said, "I guess I can't go today since Scotty will be there and she doesn't want me around." My Mom said, "Yep." Good. At least he gets it.

Remember Scotty not to get too wrapped up in affairland emotionally. You have enough to handle as it is.

Besides that I think you are the lighthouse for all of them. Your Mom sounds like she is searching for some answers and I hope she reads these forums as you have suggested. You stay strong. By the way how did you get that strong? You seem to be the only one in your family who sought help. Or do we just say that you were the lucky one to find this site?


Now I hope you can stand up and walk with your head so swollen...Just kidding.


Happy easter to you and the Fam.

Thanx SSO. I really don't know how I am the way I am. I have always been told I am an old soul and I kind of believe it. I definitely believe that I am the lucky one for finding this site. I am a forever optimist with a touch of realist thrown in.

I don't always feel so strong and don't worry about the big head(they make hats to fit now HA), I don't take it all to heart, I am perfectly capable of seeing my own limitations and I am never afraid to ask for help.

Does Dad want her back?

Larry

YES Larry Dad definitely wants her back. He has been telling her that since she left. I told him to lay off of the talk about her coming home and just show her that he is willing to change. He has been doing that. She says now that she never knew that he loved her. I think of my Dad as doing a sort of Plan A for the past 19 months. It is emotionally draining for him and I know that he wants her to just come home.

A week ago, he had a girl over at his house when my Mom walked in. I think he was doing it to "shock and awe" but I haven't asked him about that yet.

I am not capable of giving them clear advice, so I just try to do my best and direct them here. It helps me see how I wouldn't want to handle my sitch, but I still hold out hope for them.

It should be interesting tomorrow night for Easter part 2 at my sister's when we are all together again.

PEP,

At some point, no matter how angry or upset or far from home your kids get, it seems like they find their way home.

Mine did.

She wrote this to me in a card, after a very rough time:

Mom, thanks for always being the parent you needed to be, even when I wasn't always the kid I should have been. You taught me to think for myself, and that made me make huge mistakes. I learned, though - I learned the difference between want and need, and how most of the time what I want is not what I need, or even what I should do.

Thanks for being the kind of parent who taught me not to blindly follow what other people say, but to always question.

And thanks, for making me the kind of person who can figure out where I went wrong. Like now.

I'm sorry. I love you, and I'm thankful that I have parents like you and Dad in my life.




There was a quote from Kahlil Gibran in it as well, and because she's an artist, she drew the cover art on the card. I carry a copy with me because the letter is important - a reminder of something I've done right. Even when I thought I went wrong, even when I thought I was seeing the last of her, even when I wanted to crack and call her, I did the right thing.

She knew what was right - because I had already taught her what was right and wrong.

She had to come to it on her own, or she would not have learned it, or owned it, or been able to proudly speak of this lesson in her life.

Our relationship would never have been what it is today if she hadn't.


As hard as it is, Pep, you hang in there. I stood lovingly distant, almost dying inside. In the end, she came home.


I will pray for you and your child.

SB

Scottie:

Through the looking glass. . .


Fog babble meaning that she didn't realize that he STILL loved her and that is a very good start no matter what motivated it.

Larry

I called her on it too. I said, "Well Mom, you must have known he loved you at some point. I mean, you DID marry him." She agreed with that and said that it was only the last 5 years. History rewrite in reverse. Does that happen? Is that what happens as the fog starts to clear? I also told her that she was in a fantasy bubble when she first started having feelings for her "thing"(that's my nickname for POSOM). I told her that little holes have been appearing in that bubble and that's why she can see things differently now. POSOM has also found out that my Mom is still talking to my Dad(my brother told him while he was arguing with my Mom). He has now turned on the "charm" and is saying things like, "You are going back to him aren't you?" I really don't know what to say to her. I don't have the necessary tools to help but what little I do have, I offer.

Ah Scotty this has been a place of growth for you and an opportunity for you to step into life at a level you probably would not have if WH did not fall victem to his own ego. I don't know when he and you stopped dreaming together or why he fell into a place of complacency with the marriage but you know two things now.
It doesn't have to be that way and..
You have access to people and tools to change it..

His [censored] move down the rosd that so many ppl go..(The statistics about affairs in marriages?), is an opportunity for change, not despair. By you not giving in and your humility of trust in the good ppl on this site you have seen past the emotional fog that the rest of your "affiarland" family has boughten into. You believed in integrity when you could have taken revenge in selfishness because you have a womens and mothers heart of mercy and forgiveness.

"Mercy is the mothers heart of God". Ever wonder about how God used women in the most important spiritual times in the Bible? Mary carried Christ till birth? Mary Magdalene saw him reserected first? There are so many more and I am not a scholar but I remembered that when I heard it spoken of. The preacher was talking about how absurd it was if Men thought that when they were taught to be the spiritual leaders that it meant women were not just as important. IMO men need to see Gods authority more because they are less likely to understand how important relationships are. Only thru humility and obedience can we have true authority and lead, and he was telling men to open thier eyes if they expected to understand anything spiritual or have any authority in such things.

Men in thier master plans and short-sighted-ness. But you Queen Scotty are looking past WHs shortcomings and when he comes to his senses he has his awesome home you have preserved for Him and his children, not because WH deserves it or was justified in his leaving, but in spite of his foolishness. Thats Gods mercy and you not willing to compromise what marriage was designed to be, a relationship that goes beyond our needs and is strong enough to see the needs of our partner and even when those partners screw up. None of us relying solely on our experiences can pull that off. We need a source higher than ourselves and morality alone, being mans concepts and institutions, falls short of mercy to free our minds to the possibilty of forgiveness and restoration.

Now you can move onto a better job that uses your talents of learning and serving others to expand your life beyond this pain you are experiencing with WH and live life to its fullest. Something that when WH comes home or not will benifet his children because thats what marriage was supposed to do for you anyways. We are supposed to be secure enough and want the best for each other as we support each other.

I just wanted to inspire you as you have others but maybe I am overstating the obvious. It just felt fitting on Easter day to make reference to, although I am not qualified, to Gods hand in our lives. I truly hope that God crushes your WHs fantasy based on lies he has believed and the deceptions he is under and brings him home soon to the gift he allready had from God which is you.


Happy easter, don't eat to many jelly-beans lol

SSO-thanx for that. Heavy reading for a holiday. HAHAHAHAHA

Don't worry about the jelly beans, I didn't buy any this year. HEHEHEHE.

No kiddos today, they are visiting with WH and POSOW. DS9 found out that I didn't have to work so he said that meant that WH could bring them home early. I told him that was okay, he got to spend the whole day with WH. Geez, it is funny how they want to spend MORE time with me. It makes me feel GOOD. That tells me I am doing the best and they know it.

Yeah I need to lighten up more.. lol. As time goes by I am becoming less stressed and gaining more objectivity the farther away I get from the drama. Thank God.

Yeah the boys know where they are loved and trust in you because you trust the rules.. We all need rules, especially little boys..rofl

Well, I have to say that there was a little tiny trigger when DSx2 came home. DS7 smelt like WH. It was the perfume evil genius in reverse(because it was used on ME). I know it wasn't intentional but I can tell you that it IS effective. I had to hold back from asking DS7 to take a shower and throw his clothes in the washer. WOW. It gave me butterflies in my stomach. I got mad at myself for it. Stinking wayturds(all PUN intended).

Scot,
The sense of smell (olfactory) is one of the most primitive & powerful systems in our brain. The part of the brain that interprets smell is literally right next to the limbic system which has allowed us to survive and thrive as humans. (sorry if you're a creationist). It's why you remember the smell of grandma's furniture and the smell of cinnamon can make you think of your first kiss. Anyway, don't be mad at yourself; I know it might not go along with Plan B, but there is NO escaping the sense of smell.

Happy Easter Scotty,
~opt

Thanx OPT- I did already know that. It was actually suggested on this thread by some of the "Evil Genius Crew" that I hug the boys to get my scent on them. I have to say, I actually did it to a bit of an extreme. I actually spray my perfume on the backs of their coats.

I was only a little mad at myself so I could get over it or I would have wanted to take DS7's shirt and smell it. I mean it has been 3.5 months since WH lived here and his scent is NOWHERE. That's why I was mad. Even typing this made me cry(not your fault )

I have an uncanny sense of smell. I would drive everyone crazy because they couldn't smell stuff I could.

I wonder how I can bend that fact to my advantage...LOL J/K...

Interesting about where it is located in the brain isn't it? I wondered why our sense of smell goes away when we are asleep and maybe its cuz smell has a lot to do with our conciuos thought processes.

Well if you have some idea of how I can put my sense of smell on a resume let me know scotty k?

Any of us creationists still believe that the olfactory sense is powerful and necessary, etc., and that that's just the way God made us.

Either the cologne was on purpose or it wasn't, but if it was, he has no way of finding out if it worked, heh heh heh. (Though sending them over reeking of you the next time might give him a clue - so don't yet. )

Actually,he doesn't wear cologne. I saw him hugging them and he paid special attention to hugging DS7(prob because the kid doesn't always like to give hugs).

It just sucked when I realized that DS7 smelt like WH. And you are right, he doesn't know it affected me.

Thanks for sharing the story about your parents. We all need a little hope in our lives.

Smells can take my mind to a place and I have no control of it Scotty. I understand. Its a sobering sensation to say the least and it takes some adjustment time.

I misunderstood the original post about this. I thought that POSOW put her perfume on the boys and you smelled that. Now I understand better.


So what is happening in the puppy dept? Puppy breath allways makes me happy. The smell of thier fur too.


Did you look into any jobs yet? Have you ever heard of the tests that help you by asking about your personality like Strongs Cambell? Here is a wikipedia link to get you started.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Strong-Campbell_Interest_Inventory

These tests ask you questions and they try to line up your personality with other people who have carreers and have a lot of the same traits. LIke, for example if you like donuts then you would be a cop. LOL no its not that dumb. Check it out, maybe you can be an astronaut.