Well, Sunday night she came home and went straight to bed. I asked what she thought, and she said I am still considering everything and then the boys walked in so I retired for the night.

Monday, she came home late and went right to bed. Didn't speak to me.

Tuesday, again she came home at 9:30 with the boys saying she was exhausted and headed to bed(she had just got them McDonalds to eat). I forced the discussion. "When are you moving out?" She said she wasnt sure, maybe this week. I asked what was the plan. She said most likely divorce.

Then we started discussing a few things. At the risk of being beat over the head, I'll admit, I did find myself trying to reason with her, convince her divorce is bad, and all the other crap that I've said for the last few months. I don't know why - I know it was fruitless, but I did it anyway.

But, we ended the conversation with her saying that she would go look for a place on Wednesday.

She said that she could not support herself financially and that she was intent on taking the children.

The next morning, she was furious that I had a voice recorder with her conversations on it (badmouthing me and my family). She asked for it back. I said no. You can listen to it but not have it because I will need it in court. That made her even more mad.

I spent the last few days working up a plan B letter, exposing to her family (who support my decision and me 100%).

I also got to try out some reverse fog babble. She was saying things like:
-this will never work because your family will never accept me
-you sometimes smell like my dad (who abused her) and I cant be with you
-I can never be physical with you or anyone again
-you don't get to decide who gets custody, the courts do

I replied with absolutes like-
- you never ever did anything in our marriage I asked. I had to pay every bill, and follow up on everything you ever did because you didn't do anything.
- you never finished a single thing you started
- I didn't have time to have long conversations with you because I had to do everything

Then I asked her if she was a judge, who would she award custody to: a successful, good person who sacrifices for his family, forgives and puts his family first OR a serial adultress who swears to God and on her children's lives, then lies, and wants to divorce a good man because of selfish motives. As expected, she said she would award custody to the mother.

I'll be honest, I pretty much believe it is less about the other man and more that she just doesnt want to be with me. Maybe there is some sort of deep seeded hatred for me for emotionally neglecting her.

ark, isn't that a little bizarre when you have just asked her to move out? That signals her that you are not serious and tells her she has complete control over you.

When have you decided you want her out? I would make a decision and then let her know. and let her know she won't be taking the kids.

Yep. it waas stupid.
The issue with the boys will be nasty.

I am sure it will. But it will be up to you to protect them from being dragged out of her safe home. I would let her know she can pick them up for visits and call them anytime.

Be ready. If she moves out and takes the kids you have papers written up and serve her the next day with an injunction to bring them back. Get with a lawyer now so you are ready.

x 2

Yesterday I went to her work and she was really nervous when I went into her office alone. Then today I noticed she changed her password on her cell phone acct.

I asked her about it. She said he called her this week and she called him today but that it is over. She said when I asked her to move out, that was such a relief to her. She went on and on about there being so much emotional pain with me (???) and she just didn't have it in her to try. So she was still looking for a place and that divorce is the best option.

But it had nothing to do with OM at all because apparently he has been dating someone and lied to her about it, then hung up on her when she called him, so she is DONE. "I don't want to lie to you anymore, I am done with him and I am not going to talk to him again".

Then, during our conversation, he calls and she answers it!! I listened to part of the conversation and from her it did not sound like someone who is done. She said he told her that the his life is none of her business, but she was apologizing and sucking up big time. She then told me that they agreed not to talk.

The sad part about today is that I heard my 8 yr old ask my 6 yr old "If mommy and daddy get a divorce, who do you want to go live with?" The youngest said mom, the oldest said "good, I want to live with dad". I cant tell you how much that broke my heart to hear the little one not choose me.

Arkhawk-don't be sad about your DS6 not choosing you. What did you say to them? Did you explain anything to them at all about what the living sitch would be? What breaks my heart even more is that they would choose to go separate ways. I think DS8 said that he would live with you partly so you wouldn't be alone. Let them know that they don't have to pick between the two of you. Explain it all to them. Don't let them try to figure this out on their own. Be their ROCK. Let them know that no matter which way this turns out, YOU will ALWAYS love them.

Well, I overheard them. I knew that they probably suspected some things but I didn't expect to hear that from them. I will now have to discuss this with them, but it is sad how it affects them. I did attempt a small conversation with the 8 yr old and he said Dad, I was just talking, it isn't going to happen, I know it isnt.

Interesting thing is that she told me she reads my posts here.

So, IF that is the case (and that's a big IF), what would you folks who've been through this say to a woman who says she is done with her affair but still wants to leave because she doesn't feel like she will be happy with her husband (a good person, father to her two boys and willing to make his marriage work).

Good bye.

When will she be gettin out, ark?

Well, I asked that last weekend and she said she was looking.
Spent the next few days sicker than a dog so I didn't say much until last night when I asked why are you still here.

She said for the boys.

She's upset that her boyfriend isn't all he was cracked up to be. She fed me lines like I'm a good mom, I don't enjoy spending time with you, God wants me to be happy, we have nothing in common, I am just looking to be independent. Sounds like she's still foggy to me.

So I asked again, then why are you still here. She said because you won't let me go. WTF???? I asked you to leave! She wants me to roll over and be Mr nice guy, not have an ugly divorce and not fight for our kids. I told her it's too late for that, not after what you've done.

Then I went and watched Rambo.

She's not going to leave. She will live in the same house, continuing to look for another boyfriend to rescue her from her marriage or until you file. Just avoid relationship talk and plan A until the day you file. In the meantime, strategize with a lawyer what you need to be doing to obtain at least 50/50 with you being the primary custodial parent and do it. You need to be the one taking the kids wherever you need to go, and you need to be documenting it. If you continue to be nice to her up until the day you file, and you get primary custody, she will be forced to reevaluate what she truly wants.

I think you are probably right. She had me believing she'd jump on the fact that I asked her to move out. But when she didn't, that made me think.....I'm probably gonna have to do this. I hate it that I have that little glimmer of hope flickering in the back of my mind. But, it just doesn't look like she's gonna de-fog.

I want more than 50/50, though. Her entire family is on my side on this thing. The way I see it, if she's not willing to at least try MB, then the gloves come off and a dark plan B for life. She's done way worse to me.

After all, I may not have been the best at meeting her needs, but I have nothing to be ashamed about in court. Sure, I could've been a better husband, but I never crossed any line.

Well, I thought getting into Plan B would be difficult but I didn't foresee it playing out this way.

I finally got fed up with her cake-eating and with some very good advice and support from you good folks (thank you by the way), I asked her to move out...something I thought she would jump on.

Well, she hem-hawed around and never did move out. She did start acting a little nicer to me though. However, she was still in contact with the OM. They had a tiff of some sort and she was sad... poor her.

After repeated attempts of asking her why she is still here, why don't you move out, etc. I finally decided that I needed some legal advice on how to get her out.

I got an excellent lawyer. He basically said you will have to file for divorce, but he said he wanted me to wait a little and try to make the marriage work. He said give it one last shot and if she isn't interested then come see me and we'll seek sole custody of the children. So I did that for a week and she is still non-committal.

I asked her today if she was going to stop talking to OM. She said she hasnt talked to him recently but would not promise to end contact with him. So I told her, then don't bother coming home tonight. You are no longer welcome in my home. You can go commit adultery somewhere else.

She said some stuff about that is my house too, my children live there, my stuff is there. I said I don't care, you're not welcome.

She isn't here, though. My guess is she will get some advice to stay in the home and still not commit to squat. So I'll probably see her later tonight after her Grey's Anatomy get together with her friends.

I informed her family of what has been going on and my intentions to file for divorce next week. I'm not sure what else to do.

You did all you could. Some people just aren't cut out for marriage. You can hold you head high knowing that you fought for your marriage. Who knows, actually going through with divorce might be the spark that gets her to actually change. Anyway, you'll probably be better off. Good luck.

Good to see you not caving in! You know what your limit is.