Just wanna dip a toe in at this end of the pool.

What the heck is with the idea of 'Soulmates'? Seriously are we all dreamy-eyed 15 year old girls? Soulmates is just a ridiculous idea created to make us all feel entitled to some passionate romantic love we don't have to do ANYTHING for. Sorry what a bunch of poop- it's just an excuse for bad behavior. If I hear one other person go of about how someone is their 'soulmate' again I'm gonna scream.

You know when I'll find out if DH is my soulmate - when we're dead! If we can make it through this life happy and in love - then our souls will have MATED... you don't get to call it before the end of the game.

Oh and another thing.... why bother to get married if you're just gonna sit around and expect a happy marriage to fall in your lap.. then when things don't work out - rather than fight for your family and kids, you just roll over and take it. It gets a little hard so you throw a little pity party about how you're going to be alone.

And then, rather than look at yourself and figure out what it is you did that make both your wife AND your kids happier without you - instead you talk about finding new friends, buying a bike, getting a hobby, doing some yoga...

arrrrghhhhh!!!!!

Ok that really wasn't a toe - more like my head with a bull horn - but I'm glad I got that off my chest

AMEN. If you were a preacher I'd send you an offering. here's my take...

Soulmates = I have spent way to much time watching Lifetime and reading the Twilight series.

Sitting around waiting for a happy marriage = Oh, sorry, I din't realize it would actually take work. Why don't you just help pay the bills, laugh at my jokes, and fix dinner?

Looking at myself = I'd be happy to IF I acutally ever did anything wrong. Oh, wait, I did once, but it was somebody else's fault. Or one time Mommy forgot to say I Love You. Or I never had a pony

Do not get married if:
1. You do not love someone
2. You do not want to have regular sex
3. You do not want to include someone else in your decisions
4. You do not want any relationships that take work

Okay, I'm not really done, but I'll stop

Preach it sistah, Preach it! Amen, AMEN!

I never had a pony as a kid - what do I get? waaaahhhhh!!!!

I never had a pony either. I had long skinny legs, big nose, glasses, and crooked teeth...and a really pesky little brother. No wonder I'm so weird!!

What kills me are the posters that spend half their post-time referring to "this" persons post or "that" persons post as not being good advice and then proceed to give their version of the correct advice.

If you don't agree, you don't agree...but leave it up to the thread owner to distinguish. Or say you don't agree...no one needs a diatribe of why it is bad advice (according to you). It just starts a back and forth about who's advice is better and an argument and focus off the situation.

If you have a problem with a poster or their advice, START A NEW THREAD...

I don't agree.

Just kidding. I am a little off today...okay a little more off than usual, so my coping mechanism is silliness.

StillHere - proof read - who has time for that...i am lucky if I remember to put spaces between my words!

Pony - i wanted a horse as a girl - a paint mustang - i wanted to ride it bare back like an indian girl...hair blowing in the wind

the whole - i want a soul mate i want it to be easy - goes back to what Mark was talking about - about entitlement...

Rant for today - Thin Mints are SOOOO good ...i think they might have some sort of drug in them.

Ok.....we have ANOTHER poster who is gonna try the whole "Plan-B-while-the-WS-is-still-living-at-home" thing.....

Did they NOT read up on PLAN B????

Did they misunderstand what EXACTLY Dr. H says when it comes to Plan B????

Is Plan B REALLY that hard to grasp?????

I have been here for 2 1/2 yrs now.....and there have been quite a few people that have tried this....

AND IT FAILED....

EVERY

SINGLE

TIME!!!!!

The marriage ended up in DIVORCE....

The very OPPOSITE thing that the BS had wanted to happen.....

(and as a side note.....9 times out of 10, the ones who try this fool-hearty insanity were MEN!!!!!.....is this just another example of how men DON'T FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS??..... ...I truly don't mean to get all male-bashing here, but jeez....)

I just don't get this.....

I feel like I am butting my head against the wall every time I read about this.....

.....

I may have to start a new thread about this....(and the DANGERS of this insane Plan.....)....

GOOD GRIEF people....READ THE INSTRUCTION MANUAL!!!!

So what exactly are you saying Not2fun?

Since I'm here I've had this rant for awhile ........

I wish posters would tag on a sig line of their sitch!!!!!

Would make it sooooo much easier to keep posters sitch's straight. (if only in my head)

Ahhhh, rant over.

women want a H to provide security - paycheck - be there for issues.
Most Wives think their H ignores them anyway.

SOOOO they plan b their wives - dont interact - hide in their man cave...how is this different from before the plan? Your THERE...you provide a paycheck...you kill spiders and change lightbulbs...she is gonna get what she needs from you and her affection from someone else...DUMMMMMMM.

further example of how men dont get what women really need.


Oh no - my husband is ignoring me - but i can keep seeing my sleezeoid boyfriend and my husband will be in the house paying for stuff...hes not talking to me but thats okay cause scum bucket will talk to me...woo hoo I am a princess who gets to eat cake and ice cream at same time.

DUMMY - she needs to be alone - depending on scumbucket for EVERYHTING. He needs to see how needy she is so he can drop her like shes hot and RUN for the hills...THEN..if she comes to her senses and realizes what a user she was...then you let her come home.

Seriously men dont get women if they think plan b at home will work.

Plan B at home only works if you kick her butt out!!!

a good plan b example is in a way in the Diary of a mad black women.

Crack hoe wife = kicked out...living on streets.
BH loves her but wont talk to her or help her
She gets act straight
she comes home
he loves her...but only once she is straight



Real quick - today is loretta lynns 73rd birthday i believe...She was a BW who kicked butt and took names and kept her man

Not arguing but just want to point out that the beginning of the forums says this:

"Sometimes you may hear alternative opinions that conflict with Dr. Harley's Ten Basic Concepts. These are often raised by those who have not solved their own marital problems, but still feel they are qualified to advise others. When this happens you can expect some members to explain why their approach won't work, and why Marriage Builders� offers a better solution. There are many who are offended when that happens, but please keep in mind that the ultimate purpose of this Forum is to discuss and learn Marriage Builders� concepts. "

I was going to post on here my own rant about 'entitlement' (WW has me fired up about that) but then this subject popped up again. Sorry if this is the wrong place but.....

Plan B under same roof

OK, I get it and I understand. I have read about as much as I can on the subject and I agree that it can't be done.

What the heck are you supposed to do in a situation like mine?

I have received TONS of outstanding help here all strongly recommending that I DO NOT LEAVE the marital home on account of my children- they need me in their life now more than ever and possible future custody fight.

Additionally I have also received some more outstanding help recommending that I need to move towards a Plan B.

Both recomendations that I completely agree with.

Now, in my situation, my WW refuses to leave the marital home. I have even offered to buy her a one-way ticket to Australia. I also refuse to leave the home, but really should go to a dark Plan B. If I pack her up and change the locks, she knows she can come back in and I know she would.

Something has got to give as they are diametricly opposed to each other. Naturaly, I (and others in similar boat) try in vain to figure out a way to do a Plan B under the same roof.

The next best thing that I have found was that 180 plan, which is not a MB concept.

I wrestle with the thought of forgoing the care and welfare of my boys vs. my own personal sanity. No contest- the boys win. But then the M loses.

I'm sure this has come up in other situations in the past, but I can't find any. What if anything can be done here?

Wife filled - you have two sons - man i am so sorry - really sorry...as a WW - i dont understand how she could look her sons in the face - explain that mommy doesnt love daddy any more and is leaving them. How can she handle the fear and pain on their face and not give a crap!!!

I am sorry this makes me angry as a mother.

Are you in california....i would drive over there and rip her a new one. Its bad enough to do this to your H...but your sons...

who you gave birth to
and nurse
and fed

I get angry I tell you...a mother who will not sacrfice everything for her children should have ovaries removed...seriously time to deply the FWW ATEAM!!!...rubber hoses - where is luri when i need her...

I understand - believe me.

I am the WS here but my BH has long suffered from anger issues. He has physically assulted me twice (once before and once after my ONS)...after DDAY - he has spent the last 10 months reminded me daily of what I did to him and us. I have been on the edge of driving my car into a wall the guilt hurt so bad. He is not a BH who has embrassed the MB plan. Its been tough. But I do it because 1) I do love my BH with all my heart but 2) I saw the look of fear in DS11s face the night I told him what I had dont to daddy and that daddy might not be able to forgive me...that daddy and I might be getting a divorce. The fear and sadness on my sons face for the months afterwards...the unsureness of my DS9...the confusion of DS6...What I did I did in ignorance. I believed my own lies that what I was doing would not harm my family. I believed the lies that if I was happy - my H would be happy and my sons would be happy. But once I saw the proof in my children...saw the proof of the damage my actions caused on BHS face = how the hell can you continue this behavior once you look into your childs face and see the fear...damn I am angry.

SisterReed- I loved to read your post. To see a woman so pationate about protecting her children and family from the devestation that divorce causes.

My ww filed too. She has decided that the man she met online is where her happiness resides. Our kids are falling behind in school, and she refuses to even return calls to the teachers.

I have my kids in therapy. D10, S7, and D5 in therapy. So sad. this is the time of life they should be in dance classes, and soccer, and scouts. Instead they get to talk with a Doctor about how the destruction of their family is affecting them.

How can you decide that your "soul mate" and the possibility of life with him, outweighs all of the people in your life?

easy - society today says stupid stuff like - if your happy your kids will understand. They use phrases like "in an airplane you should first put the O2 mask on yourself before your child..that means to be a good mom you need to take care of your needs first.

WRONG

by virtue of the fact that your a parent you must care for your children first...the 15 hours of UA between a spouse is okay BECAUSE child benefit from parents being deeply in love.

my BH doesnt believe me - but if at the end of the road he chooses to divorce me - i will accept his decision...and devote myself to my children. I came to the conclusion that attention take from my children and given to any other man besides THEIR FATHER - is time stolen from my boys.

UA time between husband and wife - dr. harley proves in the His Needs Her Needs for parents book (which is great btw)...benefits the children. Children are happier and better adjusted when parents are deeply in love. They are secure and assured.

What are these little boys learning from their mother - someday she may stop loving them....she stopped loving daddy...why not them? Thats what kids learn from divorce - the one place that should be safe....isnt. the people who should love them can stop. My DS9 asked me if he could do something so naughty that daddy would stop loving him to. I asked him why - he said - he stopped loving you when you cheated on him...you asked him to forgive you...he couldnt...if he cant forigve you..maybe he cant forgive me...

thats what divorce and adultry teaches a child...a lesson they should NEVER have to learn..

WS - what are you teaching your children when you choose an OP over them

BS - if your WS is repentant and you cant forgive and let go of anger - so to...what are you teaching your children.

this whole thing is sin blown up big and set up on a stage large enough for the world to see every putred detail. the ripple affects go on and on....


seriously luri - FWS ATEAM time...if I could....i would.

RANT RANT RANT.

PEPPERBAND gave me a great idea and it is taking me to the POOR house. Drop your loonie in the pickle jar and move on. Argh. HEHEHEHE Okay I was J/K

My rant is this

WAYTURDS SUCK AZZ.

also, it makes me CRAZY when people won't do the basic things on this board like READ all of the FREE info. I mean have you ever tried to go to another site about anything? Usually it is a bunch of reproduced HOOIE that really isn't anything and if you want to know, you only have to pay a SMALL fee. You CAN get A LOT of FREE info on here. All it is going to cost you is TIME. If you can't even spend the TIME to read some things for FREE, then how are you going to take time to do anything that is going to help your M?

I also agree, PLease put something in your sig that will let us all know where you are at and your basic info. I don't have a great memory for names and sometimes I don't have enough time to reread a 100 pages thread to figure out where you are at.

Thanx, that felt better.

WW's with GINORMOUS sense of entitlement.

Who the he!! made her empress? Some preconceived notion of being God's gift to humanity and now everyone in the world owes you everything? You 'deserve' all the 'cake' you can cram down your vile spewing orifice just by blessing the world with your presence.

Never lived on your own- went from mamma & pappa's house to college w/3 roomates to providing husband (AKA sugar daddy). Never worked outside the home unless you wanted to as a cure for self-inflicted boredom.

Become SAHM, yet do almost zero domestic chores. "Somebody" will do that. Doesn't matter that 'somebody' is the guy who just worked 14 hours to pay for the 'things' that bring you comfort and joy. Oh, and when that 'somebody' leaves his family to serve his country, go ahead and delight in the fact that now you get all that extra combat pay so you can buy more happiness. Use that money to hire a cleaning service so you now have 'people' for that stuff.

Sit around and read or watch TV as the mood fits. Oblivious to the sacrifices made by those who care for and provide for your 'happiness'. Never realizing that happiness comes from the inside.

Decide you need more so in the never-ending quest for your own happiness above all, start an A. That makes you happy. You 'deserve' to be happy after all.

Nevermind the damage. That's not important and doesn't affect YOU. Continue to DEVOUR those around you that care- BH, kids, mom, dad, friends- gobbling up hearts and hope faster than a black hole in space.

Then expect- completely expect and demand- that the love and materiel you have grown accustomed to continue to be provided by all of the above even after being exposed. Well, you are YOU after all, and YOU deserve it!

Pout, scream, cry, demand, tattle to lawyer to GET what you are entitled to because that is what has worked in the past. How dare they deny you?

Why? Why are you so entitled to whatever you want without working for a darn thing? Why do you deserve to have everything in life served to you? Why?

OK. Done ranting. Thanks.

I have a rant about a totally different subject. Came home yesterday and the water was turned off. City put a lock on the meter. We've had the same account for 15 years. Never late on a payment. H makes payments electronically, so something must have gone wrong. Not even a warning note or a call. Oh, and H was out of town. He told me to get the bolt cutters and cut the lock, but I decided against that.
Funny thing is, we have a well on the property, and a year or so ago, H ran some lines from the well to the house so that if we had a hurricane and lost water pressure, we could still flush toilets, etc. Went in the garage, closed the valve to the city water, opened the line to the well, and voila! Flushing toilets again. I just wish I could live on well water, I'd tell the city to take a giant leap.

Yeah, I'm behind, but I'm here SR! I don't have any rubber hoses, but I have a really big rain stick in my classroom. That could do same damage. The FWW A-Team...I pity the fool who cheats on their spouse!

I can't comment on entitlement right now because too many curse words come to mind

Oh and since this is for rants...WHY DO GOOD FOODS HAVE CALORIES?!?!?!