Yes he will. He is sometimes reluctant but he will. If I were to leave him alone he would sit in front of the TV and watch sports all night long though. That is a huge habit that we have to overcome but we are learning.

I know Dr.H does not count TV as time together and it isn't. But in the past few years during the A, we watched COMPLETELY different shows. He would be in the basement watching his and I would be upstairs watching mine. That is one thing that has stopped.

We still do spend time watching TV and talking during that time but we compromise and only watch TV shows that both of us like. This has been the case over the past few months.

THis time around we are trying to do other things like playing board games, he is going to teach me how to play chess, we spend time doing things around the house etc.

I have tried numerous times to get him to go for a walk with me but he says no. He hates that and thinks its the most boring thing ever.

Any suggestions?

Depends on what the two of you are interested in. My ex and I did a lot of camping and fishing.

You could pack a picnic lunch and go to a local park. Take classes together, learn a new sport, go bowling, out for sushi, to a movie, the list is endless.

Thanks believer. Any ideas on how I get him to do something when he is in "withdrawal Mode" and just wants to lay around and watch TV? I don't want to force him or anything, but I just want to encourage him.

I just talked to H and his attitude seems to be alittle better this afternoon......IS THAT A RED FLAG AGAIN? Or could it be simply that the withdrawal isn't as bad at the moment? He finished his 2 day course and he said that was why he felt a little better, now that he had that done. Plus we are going to his brothers for supper.

I really hope that it doesn't mean he contacted her again.

Can you do an impromptu weekend away. DH and I utilized the state park system that first summer to get away from the scene of the crime and it has become a wonderful passtime for us. The first one, I just said to him on Friday when he got off work, "Let's get out of here!" and I picked up the phone and called til I found a vacancy in a romantic little rustic cabin.

God's Blessings,

Say

Only time will tell. Go and have a nice time at his brother's tonight.

You are going to have to learn patience. It is going to be a long time before things can start improving. Each day, though, is a step in the right direction. The first few weeks of withdrawal will probably be very difficult. But just because he's gone 5,6, or even 10 days doesn't mean much. Those feelings can be very strong.

My wife would usually break no contact after about 2 weeks. This was when her longing got the best of her. Then, after withdrawal is over, then the real work begins.

But for now, you're doing the right thing. Maintaining no contact, avoiding lovebusters, and trying to meet his needs whether he is receptive or not. That will help you get through withdrawal and into the next phase.

This is a great place to come when you are feeling despondent and helpless. We've all been through it. Hopefully, you can learn from our experiences and mistakes.

Thanks everyone. Unfortunately we cannot go away right now, H is working and I cannot get time off either and H works this weekend. We were looking into going to Mexico in May with another couple but aren't sure if that will work out.

His attitude improved A LOT yesterday and continued this morning. He seemed to be in a good mood, joking, cuddling, kissing, etc. I know I have to have patience but its so hard because its been 1 week, and its usually the 1 week mark that he breaks NC. I did however see a setback in his mood just before bed, he seemed to retreat to that dark place. I could be doing what I do best since I learned about this A- READ into things. Its just difficult, I hate feeling better about our situation and future only to be blindsided by another email address created to chat to her.

Should I look for signs in his mood and take that to mean that the NC is broken? Or, should I take it for him possibly have a day without the "fog" or feelings of withdrawal.

In the past, I would accuse him of talking to her at this point. In fact, I used to ask regularly if he had. I now know how much of a mistake that was. We have barely spoken about it this past week at all. The only time was when he had a phone call showing the area code of her province and he immediately gave me the phone to answer. He asked me if I was as scared as he was, he thought it may have been her boyfriend calling to threaten him. (H does not like being attacked verbally and is not a fighter AT ALL) This boyfriend contacted me on Friday and said he may just give my H a call and tell him that if he contacts her again he is coming and showing up on our doorstep...

Another positive thing that happened yesterday was H called me to see how I would feel about possibly moving to the US for a year, his company posted management jobs there and he wanted to know how I would feel about relocating there and him checking into it. This makes me think- would he apply to move that far away from her if he had intentions on seeing her again?

Sorry for the long reply, just some thoughts that are in my head and I want to handle them correctly instead of making my past mistakes. I really hope he is still maintaining NC. He knows that he needs to do this, when I found out about the email last week, he begged me not to leave and told me our M was what he wanted but he needed help, he thought he had the withdrawal beat last time but he called her one time and that lead to a new email address. He told me that he wants to be the person he was and that only I can help him do that....
THanks for listening to my long rant.

Any thoughts? Sorry, its just getting the best of me today and I am trying to fight my past pattern.

It sounds very hopeful to me. Just hang in there. I know how horrible it is because my ex broke NC over and over. And you are doing much better than I did. I let my fear and anger get the best of me, and we ended up divorced.

Sorry to hear believer. Its very difficult. I usually let fear and anger get the best of me, and my H reply is always "well you didn't make it easy for me when I ended contact you know"....And part of that is correct, even though he should not use me as an excuse. I would always ask him, I would always sound sad, look sad, cry etc, tell him I was just waiting for him to do it again.

This time around I am telling myself not to do those things. Because if I do not and he re-estabolishes contact, he cannot use that saying towards me. He cannot blame me for it. Plus I think, "what if he is telling the truth this time?" I try to remind my self to hang in there and just keep an eye on his actions and behaviors.

I used to let anger fuel my actions. FOr instance there is a HUGE part of me that wants to tell him the boyfriend called to say that H and OW are talking again, but I think "where will that get me"? That won't help, it will just be talking about the past again and reminding him. Plus I don't want to be a lie. (He didn't call)

Its just so frustrating. I was thinking yesterday, last year before I found out about the A, we were trying to have a baby and had been trying awhile. I was on a website called Fertility Friend, and would refer to H as DH (dear Husband)and now here I am and the acronym changed to WH. Who knew.

Have you talked to him anymore about moving to the US? You might chat with him about that. It is usually good when former waywards start making future plans.

Also the Harleys suggest moving as a way to maintain NC.

Thats a good idea. We have talked about it, he said not to get my hopes up he was only looking into it at the moment and it might not amount to anything. But I think its a good sign. The issue is he is REALLY bad for making decisions lol..so I guess we shall see. I will keep asking him about it though just to keep making plans for the future.

My hardest struggle right now is not giving into my suspicions. I keep thinking "what if"? What if he has talked to her? It only takes once and he is hooked again.

If he breaks NC again, you will need to go to Plan B. Have you prepared for that?

I have, I have given it a lot of thought last time. It will be extremely hard, and very painful but I have to do whats best for me too. I will not continue to be involved in this cycle.

My fear is that I will not find out and it will be months down the road, when I am feeling better, that I will discover it has been happening all along. Just wish I could be certain, although I know thats not possible.

Is it a good idea to share with him that I am feeling stressed about this today? He is only going to do everything he can to tell me he isn't talking to her. Same as before. He would look me in the face and say I am not lying, I can't believe it, even when I tell the truth this still happens".

I wouldn't mention it, just try to have a nice day with him. He is telling you the truth each time he says he will go NC. He really believes it, but is addicted. That is what makes it so hard.

No contact is the only answer, just like a junkie needs to stay away from the crack house and an alcoholic can't spend his time in the bar.

And don't worry about not finding out, because you will know by his behavior. When my ex FINALLY had NC with the OW, he was just like the man I married. I could see it in his eyes. I could just tell. Course by that time we were divorced.

Sorry to hear that believer. Are you trying to rekindle anything with him? Sorry i am unfamiliar with your story.

The hard part is that when he was talking to her I could sometimes see that he was like himself. A lot actually. Although he did things for me that he never used too, for instance bring me coffee at work.

So, should I just continue with Plan A, and keep my insecurites from him and just cautiously monitor him?

Sorry i just read your first post about not mentioning it. lol