Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our discussion forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 42 of 91 1 2 40 41 42 43 44 90 91
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 843
O
Member
Offline
Member
O
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 843
It would be easier to plan A stateside. I am sure the affair is over. She may even see you. And I don't think she won't see you because of anger. More like shame. She seems to be a bit of a drama queen, and may not be able to resist seeing you. She really can't take up with anyone else while you guys are still married. Just a thought.

Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 580
G
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 580
Max time I can stay here is until July 21st anyway. I'm about 90% sure that if I went back to the states in 10 days, and flew to AZ all I'd get is served divorce papers.

Joined: May 2002
Posts: 6,087
R
RIF Offline
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 6,087
Hey Gurka,

I can see positives from staying in A-Stan, and from going home.

Even if you go home, she will be at Ft. Huachuca and you'll be at Ft. Polk, right? So you most likely wouldn't be together anyway until she completes her OBC class. If she ends up getting booted out of the Army, then by all means, I would get home as fast as you can...

Do you think that your OPCON Cdr will allow you to say long enough to get a replacement for you? That would give you a little more time to dodge the Divorce papers, with the understanding that you wouldn't be stuck over here for the entire 6 months.

I do agree that it would be best if you could physically be together... but if you can't because of her OBC, then I'd stick around in A-Stan for a litte while longer...

Semper Fi,

RIF

Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686
I bet she's stewing just waiting for you to get back so she can give you the papers. My advice (such as it is) is to wait.

And Plan A where you can.


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 580
G
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 580
If I can dodge the papers until August 19th they'll "expire" and they'd have to be filed again. I'm thinking by then she'll have calmed down a lot, and my steady, positive contact may have given her reason to hope for us again.

I think she's almost definitely stewing. She hasn't responded to any emails. Hasn't even asked about the divorce papers she sent.

Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686
Well of course not, she wants you to sign and send 'em back. Do you think you can last that long? Til August that is.


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 4,222
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 4,222
Originally Posted by Gerkaguards
I'm about 90% sure that if I went back to the states in 10 days, and flew to AZ all I'd get is served divorce papers.

So you're saying there's a chance?

[Linked Image from letterstorob.files.wordpress.com]


Jim

BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
Jim's Story
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 580
G
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 580
Well, she wrote back to my email from Monday:

I like how u got the message to stop putting money in my account but can't understand that I don't want to talk to you or hear from you EVER again
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Is this something I should respond to?

Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 4,222
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 4,222
Originally Posted by Gerkaguards
Well, she wrote back to my email from Monday:

I like how u got the message to stop putting money in my account but can't understand that I don't want to talk to you or hear from you EVER again
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Is this something I should respond to?

What do you think?

NO WAY!

Explain the not putting money in my account thing for me.

Again, she says she never wants to talk to you again, yet she hasn't blocked you and still responds to you. That doesn't sound like someone who doesn't want to talk to you. Maybe something just happened with her investigation to provoke her to lash out at you right now.

Just send something out again as planned later in the week. Only respond to your wife, not your wayward wife.

Last edited by jmwc95; 05/04/10 09:42 PM.

Jim

BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
Jim's Story
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 6,087
R
RIF Offline
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 6,087
Quote
...but can't understand that I don't want to talk to you or hear from you EVER again


Right... so that's why she sent you this text. She doesn't want to hear from you EVER again!!!

Seems like we've heard this before. I wouldn't reply becuase there really isn't anything you can say. She is obviously trying to bait you into a discussion.

Wait a couple of days, then send her another "I'm doing fine" e-mail...

Semper Fi,

RIF

Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 580
G
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 580
Right. I wonder if she was stomping her feet when she wrote that email.

How does she expect to get any of her stuff from my house without ever talking to me again? Just seems like angry lashing out.

Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 580
G
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 580
Also, the not putting money in the account thing...

I've been putting $1000 in her account every month to help her pay off her credit cards. When the affair came out, she said she didn't want any more of my money. Despite the fact that her intent was to keep the affair a secret, not tell me about it until I returned to the states, and continue to take the money...

Joined: May 2002
Posts: 6,087
R
RIF Offline
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 6,087
Quote
I've been putting $1000 in her account every month to help her pay off her credit cards. When the affair came out, she said she didn't want any more of my money. Despite the fact that her intent was to keep the affair a secret, not tell me about it until I returned to the states, and continue to take the money...


...and even if she doesn't say so, you are making deposits in her love bank!

Did you ever call the 337 number?

Semper Fi,

RIF

Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 580
G
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 580
Yes. It was a CPT that's here in Afghanistan, just calling to chat. Weird he has such a similar phone number to the OM. Small town I guess.

My friends seem to think that by sending these little positive emails that my wife will just get angrier and angrier and feel like I'm ignoring "the issues." And that she won't "miss me" if I stay in contact.

Joined: May 2002
Posts: 6,087
R
RIF Offline
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 6,087
Quote
Weird he has such a similar phone number to the OM.


As you move down this road, you'll find all sorts of little reminders along the way... for me as a BH, these little 'triggers' were everywhere. For now, you're doing great with keeping your focus!

Quote
My friends seem to think that by sending these little positive emails that my wife will just get angrier and angrier and feel like I'm ignoring "the issues." And that she won't "miss me" if I stay in contact.


Yep, just about EVERYTHING about MB runs contrary to "conventional wisdom"... MB works! Are these friends familiar with MB? It's good to hear all sides, but you are executing a proven program...

Semper Fi,

RIF

Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,862
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,862
Respond by putting money in the account!

You are plan Aing her!!




Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,862
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,862
Quote
My friends seem to think that by sending these little positive emails that my wife will just get angrier and angrier and feel like I'm ignoring "the issues." And that she won't "miss me" if I stay in contact.


Ask them which issues are you ignoring? The ones where she says she wants you to sign the D papers? Or the ones where she says she'll never talk to you again?

How can you do anything else BUT ignore those?

The money in the account is another matter though. That is an issue you shouldn't ignore.

Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 580
G
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 580
Originally Posted by Marshmallow
Respond by putting money in the account!

You are plan Aing her!!

Umm... does anyone else think this is a good idea? Should I continue to give her $1000 a month?

Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,862
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,862
Why wouldn't you continue doing this, Gerk?

Plan A is about meeting as many of her ENs as you can. Financial security is an EN.

Especially to someone who may lose her job soon.




Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686
I think I'd stop, because if not you are setting a precedent and the courts may continue to make you keep doing it...but that's just my idea.


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
Page 42 of 91 1 2 40 41 42 43 44 90 91

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 142 guests, and 42 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Overcomer4513, caraduke, Convict20, GTNY, Avianna
71,737 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,550
Posts2,322,804
Members71,737
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2020, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.  |  Web Development by SunStar Media.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5