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Originally Posted by Marshmallow
Oh, and I wouldn't literally say, "Good point, baby, here's some money."

Your deposit says everything you need to say.

Let her find the money and feel petty about removing you from the Netflix account.

If she emails you back, "I told you not to send me money," just respond kindly, "You don't have to spend it, but it's there if you need it."


Jim

BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
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If she emails you back, "I told you not to send me money," just respond kindly, "You don't have to spend it, but it's there if you need it."


Ditto!

Hey Gurka - With your BAS, HDP, HFP, FSA (not sure if you get that since you're dual mil), Per Diem, and CZTE, it's not really "costing" you anything, and trust me... it will pay BIG dividends later on down the road. loveheart

Semper Fi,

RIF

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I really don't know what to say about continuing the $ every month. I think that taking care of your spouse is important and it tells a story of commitment and responsibility in the marriage.
In my case my husband and I drew up a separation agreement and were considered separate when it came to the finances....He was ending the marriage(A)
He has now come out of his A fog and has asked for a second chance in the marriage. We still live with the separation agreement when it comes to finances, my choice. Because he has a value system that taking care of your family is the way your suppose to do things the right way, it's important to him.. He would continue to pay for things he didn't have to because to him it was showing love........
I noticed everytime he did that when he didn't have to and I would say he must care or he wouldn't do this......I think your wife might think the same way when she is figuring things out in her head.......
It shows you still care and that is enough for right now.....
And she is still communicating with you, even though it's not loving yet.....


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Married 25 years, live together for 2, dated 2 years before that.....
DS 23, DS 25
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In what can be only be described as totally unbelievable, my request to stay here in Afghanistan has been granted by my stateside CoC.

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Originally Posted by Gerkaguards
In what can be only be described as totally unbelievable, my request to stay here in Afghanistan has been granted by my stateside CoC.

Congratulations? dontknow

Last edited by jmwc95; 05/05/10 09:15 AM.

Jim

BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
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In what can be only be described as totally unbelievable, my request to stay here in Afghanistan has been granted by my stateside CoC.


Wooo Hooo!!!

Keep working your plan-A Gurka... Like I mentioned before, there are positives and negatives, so try to think on the positives...

- Divorce can't start while you're deployed
- You have the time and distance to help you "disconnect" from her anger
- You can still continue to Plan-A from here
- The investigation is still on, and it appears that the OM is out of the picture

Semper Fi,

RIF

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GG:

From the Plan A perspective, depositing the #1k for the next three months IS the thing to do.

If she is SO SURE in her actions, then in three months, there will still be $3k sitting there, right?

She will spend it. On attorneys, or C/C debt, or whatever.

Does it establish a pattern of support? Sure, if your ever obligated to pay support, which, if she stays in the military, you probably will not be required to do. Why? because you are both young, well educated, employed and married for a short time. If she gets thrown out, then you may be obligated to support her, is some manner, but I believe that $3k would not influence the decision as much as the number of months you have been putting the money in her account prior to this month. THAT earlier period of time may determine that you may have to send her money after the D.

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Originally Posted by RIF
Quote
In what can be only be described as totally unbelievable, my request to stay here in Afghanistan has been granted by my stateside CoC.


Wooo Hooo!!!

Keep working your plan-A Gurka... Like I mentioned before, there are positives and negatives, so try to think on the positives...

- Divorce can't start while you're deployed
- You have the time and distance to help you "disconnect" from her anger
- You can still continue to Plan-A from here
- The investigation is still on, and it appears that the OM is out of the picture

Semper Fi,

RIF

I agree with all of the above.

If she's sincere, she won't touch the money. But I don't see that happening.

I also think it's weird that she waited a day and a half to reply to my email... from her phone, instead of from a computer. Seems likely she was mad about something right then and lashed out. It was like 2 in the afternoon her time when she sent it.

We'll see what she says about the money.

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If she's sincere, she won't touch the money. But I don't see that happening.


You don't want her to be "sincere" about the money. You want her to let you meet her needs!

Quote
I also think it's weird that she waited a day and a half to reply to my email... from her phone, instead of from a computer. Seems likely she was mad about something right then and lashed out. It was like 2 in the afternoon her time when she sent it.


You could be right.

But, look at it this way, if she wasn't motivated by anger, you may never have realized how she was seing your inconsistencies.

...and you would never have taken a second look at how you could meet her FS need.






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Seems likely she was mad about something right then and lashed out. It was like 2 in the afternoon her time when she sent it.


Hey Gurka - Is she in her OBC class now?

Nothing like getting a message between classes that might go something like this...

"Mrs. LT Gurka, please report to the commander at 1900hrs this evening"

Yeah, I'm speculating, but the investigation should be winding up pretty soon. I suspect that you'll be hearing from her once it's over, especially if she finds out that she's getting booted out of the army...

Semper Fi,

RIF

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No, her OBC isn't even scheduled to start until mid-June.

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So is she just doing odd jobs around the base while waiting for her class to start?

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She was working at the tax center. That job is gone, so I'm not sure what she's doing now.

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Originally Posted by Gerkaguards
I also think it's weird that she waited a day and a half to reply to my email... from her phone, instead of from a computer. Seems likely she was mad about something right then and lashed out. It was like 2 in the afternoon her time when she sent it.

I'm not sure how things work, but could she have just been "reminded" that was was under order NOT to contact OM?


Jim

BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
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I also think it's weird that she waited a day and a half to reply to my email... from her phone, instead of from a computer. Seems likely she was mad about something right then and lashed out. It was like 2 in the afternoon her time when she sent it.


It's also very possible that she had just talked to someone who warned her that she may indeed end up losing her job.

In which case, she'd be pretty worried about how she was going to pay her bills, no?

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Who knows. I guess we'll see if she does anything with the money.

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She took the $1000 and moved it to her other account.

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Chaa Ching!

You just made a LB deposit!

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Originally Posted by Gerkaguards
She took the $1000 and moved it to her other account.

That was fast. I guess she didn't want it afterall. MrRollieEyes


Jim

BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
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Originally Posted by Gerkaguards
She took the $1000 and moved it to her other account.

LOL That WAS fast!

Good deal! You know you definitely met an EN!

AND...you know she didn't mean it when she told you to stop meeting FS. Which means there's a good chance she didn't mean it when she told you to stop talking to her either.

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