Thanks, the thing is, ya he texted asking if they could have a chance together if he went back to Dallas. That was all that was said though. She was like, I don't know, we'd have to spend time together etc. He was like, we talk all the time, I think we could be etc.

Is this really enough to expose on? I'm planning on exposing on Facebook. I don't have barely any family member phone numbers since I got my phone pretty recently. The "OW" isn't married. She hasn't really done anything...yet. From what it seems.

I'm afraid of exposing too early with not enough evidence...

After you expose do you confront them on it? Sit down and tell them what you know and what you did?

Kinda sounds like maybe she's not an OW, your husband just WANTS her to be??

In that case, maybe leave her alone until you have proof that she's actually involved with him, but expose to his family.

That's what I'm thinking NP. So the question remains, is this ENOUGH to expose on?

Margie,

The answer is yes, it is. You might want to consider the strategy of talking to your H and tell him you feel that his emotions and efforts are being directed elsewhere. Tell him you need his help in addressing this feeling.

He will ask you what you think you need and then you could answer. I would really like to know how you see our future going. What it would take for you to be happy in this marriage? I want to be part of your future but I feel I am being shut out.

Now you notice you haven't said anything about what you know, but you can certainly use what you know to probe his thinking and check out his responses. You can use your "intuition" better known as the keylogger to state your fears, state your wishes and ask about his feelings and intentions.

Start with that and see where things go.

God Bless,

JL

Thanks for the conversation starter JL. I'll have to tweak it a little to sound like something I might say. It sounds too professional to be something I'd just say, ya know? But thank you so much!

Margie,

Tweak away. The idea is to use the knowledge you have productively. You can expose, but you might profit from starting out talking to him and then see what he says to the girl. Knowledge is power and you are gaining knowledge not only about marriages and relationships but also his actions. Use it all.

God Bless,

JL

I sent him a link to the Policy of Radical Honesty. I told him I want to be/do this for him. I said, "It's nothing you have to do. It's something to be." Because he is adamant that he is tired of trying and he doesn't want to have to "do" anything. It's up to me to get him back.

Margie,

He is right. One does not really WORK on a marriage. What one learns to do, is ENJOY a marriage. The articles here are really how to ENJOY a good marriage. He does not have to work, he has to enjoy and your role is to make the marriage enjoyable to him. His role???? Make the marriage enjoyable for you. You two share this and you two deserve an enjoyable and respectful marriage to one another.

Do you see what I am driving at? Hope so.

God Bless,

JL

How'd it go, Margie?? How did he respond?

Well he opened it and said, "You think I'm lying to you about something?" and I just said, "Well I have in the past and I'm sorry for it. I just think it's something that would be good to read through for our marriage." He didn't say anything else about it. I know he at least read some of it. I don't know how much.

Nothing new on texts. Single's site visited. Nothing typed/no one talked to.

*sigh*

GREAT response, Margie! I think you handled that perfectly! Leave it for a little while for it to sink in and then revisit the issue.

Thanks.

I'm so stressed, not being able to eat, physically shaking at times-mostly when he gets on the computer. Don't know what to do.

I'm hoping to goodness that I'm doing a good Plan A. He is responding a little. Chatting casually more, joking around a little bit, SF last night so... it is a little encouraging and BOY do I NEED that now!

(((Margie))) just keep doing as good as you can. Keep snooping. I don't know if you were around a while back when Pep was talking about 'spoonfeeding' MB. You can spoonfeed your DH MB a little bit at a time. You work on living it as best you can and when he is interested, talk to him about it.

Just keep it up - I know it will be tough, but you can do it. Part of Plan A is also taking care of yourself. What are you doing for you right now?

I understand I'm supposed to be doing SOMETHING for myself but I don't know what. I'm afraid to leave H alone to do who knows what on the computer.

He's messaged someone about chatting on the computer tomorrow. I'll be here so I don't know what/how he plans on doing that.

I think I want to confront him tonight *before* he actually does something that I'll regret. Ya know? I have the chance to PREVENT something BEFORE it happens. How many people have that chance? I don't know what to do with this/how to approach it.

I sorry so many people dislike me because of the "affairage" aspect of this. I still really need help and advice in such a bad way I wish you guys were willing to help.

Thank you to those who have been helping me, especially, you, NP.

So I confronted him last night about the girl he asked if she'd be with him if he were in Dallas. He was pissed off, said I did the same thing to him was mostly mad that I had the nerve to go through his phone. He said that we're over and I said I'm going to keep trying and he said he won't let me. He said don't do anything for me, cook, this, that blah blah blah. He said he will not honor our marriage vows anymore. He insists that the conversation was all hypothetical and a joke.



I didn't tell him how I knew about the single's site and him talking to girls on there. I don't know why.

So I really think this could be over and not a fogbabble thing. There is a chance once he gets over his anger but I just don't know. I think it's too deep and that he just dislikes me.

Question: If/when he does chat with someone from the single's site, that will definitely be cheating, do I expose him then? What are your thoughts?

I'm hanging in there, still physically shaking really bad but I guess that's going to be my "thing". ANY help appreciated.

As for him not wanting me to do anything for him: He needed me to wake him up this morning and let me get his stuff ready (water, coffee, cigarettes) for him to go take an exam final. He even chatted a bit-I mean, it was just something about his shoes, but he didn't HAVE to talk to me.

I know he is furious. Last night the TM girl texted him, instead of b!Ich!in@ about me or anything he just said he was tired and going to bed. I'm starting to doubt my confrontation with him but at the same time, the things they were texting were inappropriate to say coming from a married man. How long am I supposed to stand for that?

Please guys, a little support/advice? I'm begging...

Hey Margie,

OF COURSE he was angry. And OF COURSE he is trying to turn it around and make it seem like you're at fault, instead of focusing on the issue, which is why he was doing that in the first place! That is the typical response from a WH. Trust me - I got all kinds of backlash, from being pathetic and a psycho, to "I can't trust you anymore with my stuff because you use it to hurt other people." AND, I've lost count of how many times he's said he's done with me and we're over.... When your WH says, "I don't respect our marriage vows anymore," say, "I do. Want to go for a walk?"

It's a NORMAL response, so don't worry.

He was angry he got caught. Just keep Plan A'ing. Don't break it. If he says, "I don't want anything from you," just say "Ok," and fix him some tea. The fact that this morning his mood has already improved SHOWS he was just having a temper tantrum.

Don't let it get to you. Stick to your Plan A with a vengeance!! He doesn't trust that your "new and improved" self is real - and you just have to show him how great a marriage with you CAN be!

And, just for yourself, Margie - when you start shaking, take ten deep breaths. Turn on some music and sing along. Go for a jog around the block. Make yourself laugh. Take care of yourself, don't fall apart!

And keep quiet about the singles site for now! Don't reveal you have any way of knowing what he's up to. Once he knows there's a keylogger that's it.

Thank you for your support. I'm starting to feel a little alone on this board but thank you.

I think he may have been tired and out of it this morning. He's already back to "don't get me anything, don't do anything for me" attitude.

I'm a little nervous. He's on the computer now and my keylogger isn't showing anything... I hope it's just a delay. I think he would have blown up again if he had found the keylogger so I don't think and I really hope that's not it!!

I'm putting on a pretty good game face I beieve. I'm thinking of leaving after Plan A. If I plan A for about a month and still nothing, I'm going to try to move to Ohio for Plan B. I need my family.