I left it public in my profile

Details about bacterial infections?

No need. I worked with that stuff for > 15 years.

Think, can you listen to Marriage Builders radio? They are talking, right now, about how to ask your spouse to change:

http://www.kkms.com/ works best for me, better than the main site

I'll bet there are a lot of people in "affair marriages" if we go by the strictest definition, and acknowledge that many people lie about affairs.

Marriage Builders radio show is on, btw! http://www.kkms.com/

I'll bet there are a lot of people in "affair marriages" if we go by the strictest definition, and acknowledge that many people lie about affairs. [/quote]

The statistics are that 95% of affairs end within 2 years and never make it to marriage.

Dr H wrote that women leave men for neglect far more than abuse, cheating, or other reasons combined right?

He said they "DIVORCE" for that reason [neglect] more than infidelity, abuse, etc but he says they "SEPARATE" for affairs. I have no idea how he differentiates the two.

ok, I want clarification on this too, so I have emailed Joyce and hope that Dr Harley will answer this on the radio:

Hi Joyce!

Can you ask Dr Harley to clear up some confusing information? He says in this article in Coping with Infidelity: Part 1
How Do Affairs Begin?
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5059_qa.html


"I've seen so many spouses lie about affairs, that when one spouse wants a separation, my best guess is that he or she is having an affair. I'm right almost every time.

Why would anyone need to be alone to sort things out? It makes much more sense to think that being separated makes it easier to be with their lover. Granted, there are many good reasons for a separation, such as physical or extreme mental abuse. But of all those I've seen separate, most have had lovers in the wings. "

But he says in Why Women Leave Men http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8111_leave.html

"When all forms of spousal neglect are grouped together, we find that it is far ahead of all the other reasons combined that women leave men. Surprisingly few women divorce because of physical abuse, infidelity, alcoholism, criminal behavior, fraud, or other serious grounds. In fact, I find myself bewildered by women in serious physical danger refusing to leave men that threaten their safety.

Simply stated, women leave men when they are neglected. Neglect accounts for almost all of the reasons women leave and divorce men."

Can you clarify these statements?

Thanks!! MelodyLane

think, was that you on the radio??

Hey everyone, here's the article titled Why Women Leave Men
...May be worth a read or a re-read

OK, what I got from the radio program is that in asking him to change, I should ask him to "help me".

I think I can do that. VERY helpful, thanks for the link ML!

No, I was not on the radio!

Think,

I'm at work and trying to get in a reply as time allows, so hang in there with me...

1 Corinthians 13 uses the word agape that gets translated today as the word "love." The original translators of the passage into English used the word "charity" in its place for a particular reason.

There are three Greek words for what we call love. The first word is "agape." It is the type of love described in 1 Corinthians 13 and is the kind of love God shows us, even before we know Him. It is the kind of love that causes one to sacrifice themselves for the good and betterment of others. It is the love we are all to have for each other as believers and is what is to set apart believers from nonbelievers.

When Jesus asked Peter "do you love me?" it was the word agape the first two times He asked the question. (see John 21 starting at verse 15) Peter replied by using the word phileo.

So the passage reads, "Peter do you love (agape) me?" and peter replied, "Lord, you know I love(phileo) you." That was why Jesus asked again.

The third time Jesus asked He used the word phileo Himself.

Now phileo is a different kind of love. It is what we might call affection though it goes beyond the act of being affectionate toward someone. It is sometimes called brotherly love and is the kind of love we show our children, parents, close friends and those we care about. It is a natural love and a feeling, while agape is not so much a feeling as an action and a way we SHOW others that we care.

The third word used for love in the Greek is the word eros and is where we get the word erotica. It too is a natural kind of love and is also a feeling. It could be said to be attraction though again it goes beyond just being attracted to someone. While the word is not used in the New Testament, the word is what is described in The Song of Songs (aka: The Song of Solomon.) It is the love between a man and his wife though a man and wife are also to have phileo for each other.

So when MB talks about love, it is talking about phileo, that is, a fondness and affection for our spouse but because of the intimacy between husband and wife it is also about eros as well. It is the combination of these two elements, phileo and eros that makes a marriage unique among all of our relationships. This is why meeting not just emotional needs but the Intimate Emotional Needs is what is required to have a healthy happy marriage.

More when I get time...

It was a lady who was asking about how to find recreational time with her husband, who mentioned she converted to Christianity since their marriage.

Followed up by yet another lady who was looking for more recreational companionship in her marriage.

Must be everybody.

I got out of it this quote ....DrH said "Everybody CAN change IF there is enough reason to change"
this lines up with his conversation to me on the radio....he used the terma leverage....told me that is what I need to cause or give enough reason to my H for him to change in essence.

He also said today to say "It bothers me when blank.....& would you help me with this?"

The lady who quoted her grandma made me laugh....she said her grandma told her if you marry someone who doesn't like to dance....you'll never dance again! LOL....and then she said her H's RC is to go driving for hours and it is so boring/driving her crazy LOL.....and Joyce's comment just cracked me up again...she said what do you do when your going crazy like that and your H says but wait I see another cow up ahead! LMAO

I loved the cow comment.

One of our favorite recreational activities is to go driving for hours, for the record.

I was most definitely Catholic before marriage, and it was an issue during dating and engagem,ent. I thought it would be superficial of me to use that as my reason for not going through with marriage. And he told me he would convert. Then he made it clear that he would not convert and did not agree with my view of marriage AFTER the vows were said.

Yeah, I guess I'm still a bit resentful about that too.