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Unless Bampot has actually taken the family pic out of the frame, he has NEVER seen these. He has my Plan B letter, which states NC with POSOW for LIFE. I just want to make sure this gets done. Feels like a loose end to me. If you say it shouldn't be sent or that the IMs could choose when to do it, I will do it that way. Scotland, I would not have the IM contact him NOW with this. All that is necessary is this paragraph from the letter in SAA: As soon as you are willing to permanently separate from Greg and are willing to follow the measures that were suggested to ensure total separation, I will be willing to discuss our future together. Did you include that paragraph in your letter? It should be vague in the letter and when/if he contacts the IM about possible reconciliation, she can discuss your conditions in detail. Scotland, does your H come in your house?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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So, what would I tell them to send? I am just a little thick today. It must be the HEAT. Nothing.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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My WH does NOT come in my house. He comes on the porch to get the kiddos and kisses them there when he leaves. It is an enclosed porch. There is a window, but the blinds are always shut and he doesn't see me. Ths kids lock him off of the porch and then I walk to the door and unlock it to let them into the house. And yes, I did include that line. That's enough then. Okay, care on. 
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING  Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Good question about the Plan B letter - I am not sure either. Melody Lane should be able to answer that. I think that my Plan B letter was kinda vague about that, though. It just said that there was to be NC until OW was gone. Nothing really specific otherwise. I did say that I wanted to attend a marriage weekend, too, but I don't think I made that a clear condition. Why would your condition letter be separate from your Plan B letter? I didn't realize that there were different letters.
Should I have done something else??
(I did have another letter during Plan A that I gave to WH - it was really specific about what had to happen to recover our M, but that was Plan A not Plan B??)
Veterans - any guidance for both of us?? AM, typically all that is said is a) end contact and b) commit to recovery. THEN, you allow Steve Harley or your IM to get into the detail and test his sincerity if he expresses an interest in reconciliation. Scotland, in your case, I would have your IM get in touch with someone from Marriage Builders to discuss the conditions for reconciliation IF HE EXPRESSES AN INTEREST. The big mistake your typical uneducated [but well meaning!!] IM will make is to allow the WS to come back before he is ready because she doesn't understand what is really going on. For example, when a WS says something stupid like "how can we know if we want to save our marriage if we aren't in contact???" All he is really saying is that he wants to have BOTH the BS and the OW. But most IM's are not accustomed to working with conartists and can't recognize bullcrap when they see it. A MB person would see through that and tell the WS to take a hike.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Okay, so I am in a Dark Plan B and I will let the IMs know that if there is ever a mention by Bampot in regards to any kind of communication or reconciliation that they would email someone on MB about this. I will give them an email address so they can do it without my knowledge in case it's a blowing the smoke up your butt comment. Could I give them yours ML?
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Okay, so I am in a Dark Plan B and I will let the IMs know that if there is ever a mention by Bampot in regards to any kind of communication or reconciliation that they would email someone on MB about this. I will give them an email address so they can do it without my knowledge in case it's a blowing the smoke up your butt comment. Could I give them yours ML? YEP! Give them ohmelodylane@aol.com
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Thanx. This way I know it will be done the right way. I don't expect anything, just like to be prepared so I can focus on other things. Now back to helping those in need.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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THANK YOU!! I have despised Sex and the City from the very beginning. Seriously - just the name...
Honestly, sometimes I have wondered if I was the only person in the world who felt that life should revolve around a bit more than one's sex life. Sex is great, don't get me wrong, but the feeling lasts pretty briefly... Sex in the city...Omg I accually feel sorry for the people who idolize those lifestyles. More idiot box crap IMO
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Oh and I agree Scotty - having children together does not give the WS ANY right to have contact with the BS. I think that some of these WS think that the children's existence gives them the right to tortue the BS forever. Sorry, wrong, Wrong, WRONG in my book!
And I really cannot stand these judges who think that a WS should be forced upon children. At some point, children are capable of thinking for themselves and should have the right to cut ties with a parent if they want to. Once upon a time, people got married at 14 (maybe even younger). If they could do that, then why does the current justice system think that children of that age should not have much say?? Baffling to me....
(Not that I think 14 year old should get married, but they are capable of reasonable thought.) Very good point. I think is some southern states women could leave thier home and marry at 14 ad the Men had to be 18. Which reflects the general rule that women develop emotionally faster than men. But more importantly.. I believe that at an age that you can start to make judgements about other peoples character. you should be allowed to attach yourself to a character that you respect and trust. In the case of adults who don't even know how to act like adults many times the children are forced to endure whahat can only be described as emotional abuse. Especially when they are forced to live with and honor behavior that they know is wrong. Its hard enough to grow up without the authority over you behaving like a child themselves and bottom line we depend on authority for safety. Its sad when you have to look outside your home for good examples and feel so alone as a child or young adult.
Last edited by SortedSomeOut; 06/01/10 08:09 AM.
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Good question about the Plan B letter - I am not sure either. Melody Lane should be able to answer that. I think that my Plan B letter was kinda vague about that, though. It just said that there was to be NC until OW was gone. Nothing really specific otherwise. I did say that I wanted to attend a marriage weekend, too, but I don't think I made that a clear condition. Why would your condition letter be separate from your Plan B letter? I didn't realize that there were different letters.
Should I have done something else??
(I did have another letter during Plan A that I gave to WH - it was really specific about what had to happen to recover our M, but that was Plan A not Plan B??)
Veterans - any guidance for both of us?? AM, typically all that is said is a) end contact and b) commit to recovery. THEN, you allow Steve Harley or your IM to get into the detail and test his sincerity if he expresses an interest in reconciliation. Scotland, in your case, I would have your IM get in touch with someone from Marriage Builders to discuss the conditions for reconciliation IF HE EXPRESSES AN INTEREST. The big mistake your typical uneducated [but well meaning!!] IM will make is to allow the WS to come back before he is ready because she doesn't understand what is really going on. For example, when a WS says something stupid like "how can we know if we want to save our marriage if we aren't in contact???" All he is really saying is that he wants to have BOTH the BS and the OW. But most IM's are not accustomed to working with conartists and can't recognize bullcrap when they see it. A MB person would see through that and tell the WS to take a hike. Thank you for the info - now I am clear on that and I think Scotty is, too!
BW (me - 45)
WH - 45
2 DDs
Married 20 years, together 25
DDay Spring 2009
WH moves out Summer 2009 and in with OW
Plan A - 4 months
Very dark Plan B Fall 2009
WH files D Summer 2010
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Sooooooo, I started my first session with a personal torturist, I mean trainer. I got a GREAT DEAL. I go 3 times a week. Mon, Wed, and Fri. I go with a friend of mine. We still walk our 4 km/day(2.5 miles for you "other" people :P ). I felt like I was going to DIE. He is a boxing trainer, so all of his training is for that. It was a LOT of fun. I laffed a few times. Felt like I was going to  at the end though. He said that was NORMAL. As long as I get over THAT feeling, I will enjoy myself more. Bampot didn't call the boys last night. Then, he emailed them with a lame excuse about how he was helping a friend fix his computer and he couldn't call. Whatever. Then today, my cell phone died. We were out. He called the house 3 times. Then he emailed them asking where they were and how come no one was answering the phone. Well, isn't it funny how the kids have to be there for HIS beck and call, but he isn't always there for THEM. What a TURD. A WAYTURD. :P Ahhhhh that feels better.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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When I first read the post I stopped at torturist and kept thinking "a torturist, what do they do?"....Okay so I had a little brain burp...Anyway, good for you Scotty! So do you mean you do like boxing moves (okay I am slow today)....if he does, those will be great for any pent up Wayturd anger...
Aaaccckkk!!!! Stupid, stupid, entitled Waywards......
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. 
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Actually, right now it is about body conditioning. It was a lot of work on the ball and floor. It was the FIRST time I had ever used a ball in my life. It was HARD. He was SURPRISED that I made it the whole hour. He said that people in my condition(fat and out of shape) usually get sent home after 30 minutes on the first day. I do modified things. It is more for each individual's fitness level. It is training like the karate kid way. You do moves that would translate into the boxing ring. There were some reps where we were punching a ball with 2lb weights in each hand. This is a workout I could continue at home. He is AWESOME so far. I am going to sleep well tonight. I walked about 6 km today and then did this workout too. It makes me feel so good afterwards too. EVERYONE should do this.
Last edited by Scotland; 06/02/10 08:42 PM. Reason: I'm an IDIOT
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Good for you!...I am so proud of you Scotty...I definitely would not make it an hour...You might be hurtin tommorrow, but its good pain.:)
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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BW (me - 45)
WH - 45
2 DDs
Married 20 years, together 25
DDay Spring 2009
WH moves out Summer 2009 and in with OW
Plan A - 4 months
Very dark Plan B Fall 2009
WH files D Summer 2010
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You are right, Scotty - those workouts are terrific!!
BW (me - 45)
WH - 45
2 DDs
Married 20 years, together 25
DDay Spring 2009
WH moves out Summer 2009 and in with OW
Plan A - 4 months
Very dark Plan B Fall 2009
WH files D Summer 2010
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Sooooooo, I started my first session with a personal torturist, I mean trainer. I got a GREAT DEAL. I go 3 times a week. Mon, Wed, and Fri. I go with a friend of mine. We still walk our 4 km/day(2.5 miles for you "other" people :P ). I felt like I was going to DIE. He is a boxing trainer, so all of his training is for that. It was a LOT of fun. I laffed a few times. Felt like I was going to at the end though. He said that was NORMAL. As long as I get over THAT feeling, I will enjoy myself more. ![[Linked Image from bestsmileys.com]](http://bestsmileys.com/exercising/6.gif) Yeah for you Scotty!!!! Hiring a personal torturist, I mean trainer ![[Linked Image from emotihost.com]](http://www.emotihost.com/glass/12.gif) was the best thing that I ever did. You will eventually love it. It was what kicked my behind into shape and I now keep it up. I have started to crave the exercise. Yeah!!!! ![[Linked Image from bestsmileys.com]](http://bestsmileys.com/exercising/8.gif) So I have been thinking about you all day and sending you job mmmooooojooooooo. I had a great 2nd day and you are next, here is the job fairy to send the perfect job your way. ![[Linked Image from bestsmileys.com]](http://bestsmileys.com/magic/7.gif) Take Care
Me:BW
Dday:12/31/09-Found MB 01/03/10
3DstepChildren24&20
PlanA:01/03/10
PlanB:03/25/10
D final 11/15/10
"I dare you to find some time and some place to be silent for longer than usual; a few moments, a few minutes, a few hours. Listen to your heart, listen to your soul; and most importantly, listen to the silence to see what it sounds like and how it speaks to you."
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![[Linked Image from pic4ever.com]](http://www.pic4ever.com/images/25r30wi.gif) Scotty, you look like a smiley when you work out.
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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 Or was that you working out Mymissy?
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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Thanx Mymissy. I LOVE those smileys BTW. It makes my thread all perty and such
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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