We have five kids, all little. Our big strategies:

* Early bedtimes: by 9 at the latest. 9-11 every night gives us two hours; doing that every night would give you 14 hours in a week; only one more to meet the target. 8-11 gives you 21 hours. When our kids get older, we will require them to go to bed and read with lamps at the ends of their beds if they choose, or go to sleep. We intend to retain this time.

* Us getting up early sometimes gets us an hour or so.

* We go to our local drivein movie double feature; the kids watch the first and fall asleep in the car for the second, which leaves us alone. Joyce Harley was thrilled by this one.

I swear I heard Steve or Willard Harley say at some point that churches should support marriage by offering four hours of safe, quality babysitting every night of the week, enough for parents to easily get 15 hours alone together by selecting a few nights.

In some ways I think this is ultra crazy. In others, it makes sense. I'm sure some would see it as a great service to offer to the community.

Okay, everybody - party's on at Gdar's for the 4th of July this year! I'll bring the potato salad!

Joyce did - that was SO funny!

I love me some homemade tater salad!

5? Wow, I thought we were nuts.

Younger 2 go to bed at 7, older 2 by 9.

My H works every night on his laptop as soon as the wees go to bed. He is too busy not to. He usually has about 600 unread emails in his inbox. Craziness.

BUT, this is the LAST week of this, and then he has 3 weeks off. He cannot excuse himself for work once the kids go to bed. Now that our weather is finally starting to look like summer (still cold, but at least the sun is out), we will spend a couple of hours each night alone on our back deck that overlooks the city and sunset. That is "our thing". Now, if I can get him to ditch the iPhone and pay me some attention, that would be great.

Weekend. Ups, downs, but I did my best to keep any disappointments in check. After all, he has to WANT to be home, right?

On Friday, I offered his friend, wife and child to come see us for a BBQ on Saturday, but they were busy. He kept dropping hints about the friend I cannot stand, so I offered to have him, his wife and kid come, since the friends I like could not. NO, I did NOT want him to come over, but I know my H did, and at least if I had his wife there, I could potentially enjoy it.

Friday evening was great. I thought my H was going to attend his school play that evening, so when he changed it to Sunday and came home to grill me up Shark and an Artichoke, I felt pretty special! I had had a pretty rough day with the kids, so we put them down at 7. H mentioned how amazing the bedroom looked (remember, I cleaned the heck out of it and set out candles), that he almost did not recognize it, it looked so inviting. I explained to him that I was thinking if our room looked like a romantic escape, he would be excited to have some SF in it. He agreed. Later, after dinner, he asked if I wanted to head downstairs to watch Nine on the big screen. Originally I was planning on watching it that night, because I thought H would be at the play (musicals are not really his thing). I thought it was nice he was offering to watch it! We get downstairs, and he has his laptop and headphones. He meant for ME to watch the movie and he was going to listen to his music on his computer with headphones and work on emails. I sat down on the sectional, and he went and sat in the chair (we have a gigantic sectional and one chair in the media room). Mmmmm, k.

About 10 minutes before the movie is over, he stops listening to his music and comes and lays on me and promptly falls asleep. Once it was over, we came upstairs to the bedroom and when I asked about SF, he said he was too tired.

*Sigh*

Next morning he gets up and (in his words) "lets me sleep in" until 8:30. Made me coffee, which was AWESOME because it has been literally MONTHS since he has got up before me on a weekend or made coffee. Was hoping for that SF, but he had to get the BBQ going for the brisket, as it takes several hours.

Around 11 a.m. he informs me that his friend is coming over WITHOUT his wife and child. Just him. Ugh. Here we go! I should not have been surprised that guy would leave them behind. He IBs every single weekend. I hid my disdain for this situation. Had to remind myself that I was trying to make my H WANT to be home. The guy is coming here, that is better than my H going there. Well, he shows up an hour before H and I agreed to originally. He walks in the door with a case of cheap beer and a half gallon of Captain Morgans. No wonder the guy left the family at home, he was obviously intending to have yet another drunk fest at my house. I HATE THIS GUY! WHY oh WHY is this one of the only people on earth my H socializes with?

I had a graduation party to attend that evening for my best friend's daughter. Since I was expecting loser guy to bring his wife, I was just going to take her with me and leave the kids with the guys, since it was not too far off for the kids to head to bed after I left. I ended up taking my 4 yr old with me and was gone for a few hours. ZERO interest in returning home to my H and his friend. He sent me a text (I left my phone in the car) saying that I know how he feels about being gone longer than I said I would and I just had to laugh. Really? Wow. Do we not go through this almost daily, but reverse roles? Yeah, I know - I am supposed to treat him how I want to be treated. Thing is, the entire dynamic of the weekend changed and I just did not give a crap about how he felt. It was all I could do to go back home, but my DD needed to go to bed.

I was pleasantly surprised to find my H NOT drunk! I was amazed! I did not ask, but assume he knew how I would feel about it, so he kept it in check. I told him how much I appreciated him refraining and that it felt really good to come home to him sober. Still no SF that night.

Sunday morning the kids slept in well past the norm, which was fantastic - I slept well. I took the puppy out at 6 and went right back to bed. Glorious, glorious sunshine! Finally! H stirs at about 9 and asked for a BJ. I was totally O&H and told him that I NEEDED more from him, that I NEEDED something more than a release, that I NEEDED a connection. SF was great. Truly great.

The very MOMENT he rolls over afterwards, he CHECKS HIS TEXT MESSAGES. Not even kidding, within 3 seconds of it being over, he is checking his phone!!!

I went into the bathroom and cried.

I went to the play with him and that was nice. Pretty impressive for a bunch of 13 yr olds! Promptly after dinner he got out his laptop and started working. He had asked me 3 x yesterday to help him with this graduation speech for this Wed and I told him sure. We get into bed and I thought I was going to help, but he rolled over with his back facing me on his computer for AN HOUR AND A HALF, without uttering so much as a single word. I finally got up, brushed my teeth and returned to bed to go to sleep. He then asks where his BJ was (I told him earlier in the day I would do this after we worked on his speech)! I said "you asked for my help, but just had your back turned to me for the rest of the evening. I am now going to sleep".

And there ya go. I had a terribly restless sleep last night.

I am having a heck of a time to get anyone to watch the kids for our wedding anniversary coming up in 1 month. I have been working on it for weeks and still nothing set. Frustrating! We just need a weekend! We have the greatest kids and I am getting down that our families are of no help.

I really need to change the name of this thread. hmmmm.....

I hear you on that one, Gdar, and I can empathize. We have 5, and it was a major hurdle to find people to watch them for us 1 weekend in May. Very, very frustrating. We finally ended up splitting the kids up between 3 relatives.

I hope you can work it out Do you have any friends you would trust to watch them?

Thank you, it is nice to have others understand how hard this is.

My friends work full time, are single moms with kids, so it is really difficult to add 2 more to the mix. Their kids are also the age of my older 2, not my younger 2. Still working on it. I cannot really afford to pay a sitter for an entire weekend, and not sure I would want to leave them in the care of a teenager for that long, anyway. BUT, the tickets are purchased and I WILL get this figured out!

I got my Love Busters book yesterday and am over half way through it. I am a highlighting maniac! Really enjoying it, giving me hope. Some of the examples (couples) in the honesty chapter leave me feeling a little unsatisfied. They are each the same type of liar, and I wish they would have given an example for each type of dishonesty. Dishonesty is a huge LB for me, but it is the type that lie to get out of trouble that frustrates me the most.

I am going to hopefully get to the IB re: friends and family soon, as that applies to us in many ways.

Just this morning (and every morning for the past 2 months), my 4 yr old was crying about my MIL in the car. She is mad at me, so she refuses to see or talk to us "ever again", including the children and my 4 yr old is heartbroken. I can't keep saying grandma is on vacation forever. Now she thinks that she died and we just are not telling her. Or that WE (H and I) are not LETTING her to see her grandma, and that grandma is sitting at home crying, wishing our daughter was there with her. I am looking for ideas to handle this situation.

How far away is the relative? If they are close, drop the child off (you stay in the car) and let them ring the doorbell, maybe gramma will answer.

Or, have the child call gramma just to say hi. Or have the kid write gramma a cute letter and a picture the child has drawn.

Have the child send gramma a gift of nice flowers. No one can resist flowers. with a request to call the child...

LOL, Stella. Hour away. My daughter has called her (through her dad, not me, I find it manipulative) and she will not pick up, or return calls. She did not call or even send a card on my H's birthday or my 2 yr old's birthday. My MIL is not a nice person. She is not caring, nor compassionate, nor empathetic to ANYONE (other than herself).

She will punish anyone and everyone, including any family member, if things to not go exactly how she wants it. So my daughter is suffering because of it.

I set boundaries with her, as my H was unwilling to, and this is her way of making my H "pay" for marrying someone "like me".

She's not worth your time and thoughts. Instead, fill your daughter up with the people that DO love her and care for her. Use this as a lesson to teach her that when someone doesn't want to be around you, it's THEIR loss.

You see, even though your DD is only 4, she knew you were lying to her. She filled it in herself. Just tell her the truth. Tell her that grandma doesn't really like Mommy right now and because of that she won't talk to your daughter. Explain how it is unfair to treat someone else poorly because you are mad at their parent. Let her know that you are sad for her but that this is GRANDMA'S CHOICE. So many lessons to teach our children and so little time(before they stop listening).

I like Scotland's response.

At 4, how about telling her Grandma's been working overtime (you can leave the part out where she's working overtime on grudge-holding), but that Aunt Trudie saw her and said that she's doing fine, and told grandma that your daughter doing fine, too. My kids' favorite uncle has been crazy busy working two jobs, and the kids haven't seen him for months, but they understand that we have to do what we have to do. Your daughter would understand, too, she sees how busy her dad is.

Really? Age 4, just tell her?

I am so mad at my MIL for doing this to her own family. WHO acts like that? Mind boggling to me.

I should have been tipped off about how nasty she can be when she sued her own brother.

Yes, age 4; just tell her.

I agree with Scotland.

Your MIL is exhibiting controlling, immature behavior and trying to smooth it over with your 4 year old is just enabling it.

Do it in an age appropriate manner and make sure you let your daughter know that this is NOT her fault.

Whew. Ok. I am going to google "age appropriate heart break language". Should H do it? It is his mom.

Ok, I need to skip ahead to this chapter in LB, I believe.

The more she ignores her own family to punish ME, the more ticked I get.